Nini is a beautiful girl, but she doesn't feel like she is. In her mind there are so many more beautiful girls, especially when she goes on Instagram and sees the girls with perfect bodies and lives. She knows that she's probably taking it o far but...
"Nini please open the door" Ricky said through the locked bathroom door. I did not answer him, how could I? I just revealed one of my biggest secrets to him.
"Neens, please" He begged me. I faced the door for the first time and shock my head. Obviously, he could not see me, but that also was not for him, it was for myself. "Fine, if you will not talk to me I will tell you my opinion. I don't care if you don't want to know, you will listen to me." I looked at my feet and started playing with the strings of my grey hoodie.
"I have no idea why you think you are a failure, but you are the opposite. Your dream was to go to LA and find a good job here, you did just that. Salt Lake City should not remind you of being a failure, it should remind you of the fact that you reached your dream. I will not sit here and watch while you tear yourself down, got it?"
I pushed myself of the floor and walked to the bathroom door with shaking legs and hands. My right hand was placed on the doorknob and I slowly unlocked it. I took one final deep breath before opening the door completely.
As soon as I did, I was pulled into a tight hug by Ricky. "Ricky, I can't breathe" I told him. He immediately loosened his hold on me, but that meant he could look into my eyes. He looked into my eyes and could with no doubt see that I was hiding something rather important from him.
His left hand was on my right arm, while his right hand was under my chin. "What are you hiding?" He asked me. I tried to look away from him, but his hand was not letting me. "Nothing" I mumbled. Ricky raised his eyebrows "Let's try this again and this time do not lie to me, got it?"
I nodded my head "You are right, but that is not the reason I have not been in Salt Lake City." He looked confused "Ok, then what is?" I sighed "You are."
His eyes widened in shock "I am the reason you have not been back in 10 years? Why? How?"
I knew this would happen. I knew he would have lots of questions. I could not look at him. Why you may ask, well there are a few things I have not old him yet. I was not hiding them. I was just trying to protect his feelings. Yeah, that sounds about right.
"Nini, talk to me please. What did I do?" I started playing with my fingers "You left me, and I thought that you did, because I was not good enough for you. So, I stopped eating, started working out, wore make up every day and did everything I could to make you love me again. But nothing worked." He looked at me with something similar to love in his eyes. "You thought I do not love you, that's why I wanted to break up?" Ricky questioned me.
"I thought if I was as perfect as the girls on Instagram you wouldn't have left me" I said through my tears. I was pulled into a hug and I rested my head on his chest.
"Neens, you were perfect to me from the day I met you. I never wanted a thing to change about you. Maybe you did not have the perfect body in society's eyes, but in mine you did. I loved everything about you, and I still do, but Nini you never had to change for me, and you never will."
I was still crying, but I nodded my head "Then why did you so suddenly suggest that we beak up. You know, I wanted to make long distance work. But after you told me that you could not, I never said anything. For years I thought you stopped loving me, I still do." His eyes went from loving to hurt "I could never stop loving you. I thought I was holding you back if you had a boyfriend in New York."
I looked up to look directly into his eyes "So you still love me?" I questioned.
He sighed before nodding his head "I do, I did not want to tell you so you would not feel pressured, but yeah I definitely do." That caused me to smile brightly "I love you too" I told him.
He smiled at me as well "Should we give Rini another try?" He asked me. I nodded my head "Yes." With that he pulled me closer to him by my hand. Then he cupped my face with his large hands and moved his face closer to me. "Can I kiss you?" Ricky asked me. I smiled "I would love nothing more."
With that I felt his lips on mine and for the first time in ten years I felt like the missing part of my heart was back in place.
-
1 month later
The last month has been amazing.
Ricky and I spent a lot of time together and my eating disorder got better. Every day he made sure to tell me how beautiful I am and how proud he is of me. Every time he says something like that, I just feel the need to smile. I am so lucky to finally have the love of my life back.
After a month we decided that it was time to tell our friends. So tonight, we are meeting up at the restaurant where me and Ricky first met after ten years.
I still was not really comfortable in my body, but it is so much better than it used to be. A few days ago, we went shopping together to get some clothes for me that aren't huge on me and today is the first day where I was wearing these. After some debating, I settled on some black skinny jeans, with a white tee and a plaided blouse and a pair of white sneakers. I paired that with a nude handbag.
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I stepped out of my bedroom fully dressed to see Ricky sitting on my coach looking handsome as ever. He was wearing black pants and a dark green button up.
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It was rather fancy for a get together with friends, but my boyfriend, it is still weird saying that again, came right here from work. What does he work as you may ask?
Well, my handsome and smart boyfriend is a lawyer now. Crazy, I know. But Ricky has always been smart, he just had way too many things he had to worry about.
His eyes met mine and he smiled. "You look gorgeous, as usual" He told while walking towards me. When he reached me put my hands on his chest, did I mention that he started working out, and got on my tip toes to kiss him. "And you look handsome, as usual."
I took the material of my shirt into my hand "I like this colour on you. You should wear it more often." Ricky kissed my forehead before saying "We should go, or we will be late." I nodded my head "Let's go then."
He grabbed my hand we started walking to the door, but not before he kissed my knuckles. "I love you" He told me with a sile on his face. I smiled back at him "I love you too."
