Taste Of Beauty.

6.

ELLE'S POV-

I laid in bed remembering bits and pieces of tonight and I couldn't help but question a lot of things. How did Ryder go from being the sweetest person ever to such a schmuck? I mean sure he was always a ladies man because all the girls in school wanted him but he never took advantage of that. Looks like that have  changed or maybe it's always been who he was and I was too blinded to see it.

Why was he looking at me all night? Was he jealous? He couldn't be, he was the one who messed everything up between us. You wouldn't do something like that to someone you love and care deeply for. Yet he hated me after what he did and raised his voice which he also never did, ever. 

What was his problem?

Did he have a girlfriend? I have a faint memory of him being close to that girl who I absolutely thought was repulsive, but I was too intoxicated to care. I didn't even care that she was less than two feet away from me, that's what alcohol does to you I guess.

Why did he have to cheat on me? Was I not good enough? Did he just think that I wouldn't find out. The thought of that night replayed in my head over and over. I thought we were doing so well, I thought that he would be my forever. He was my first everything.

Tears started to fill my eyes,  I quickly blinked it away and got out of bed and headed down to the kitchen.

I was not about to cry over a boy who damaged me. Sure, there were rumors about him when we were together but I believed that they were exactly that. Rumors. I never imagined that when I came back home that I would catch him with another girl. Not one girl, but two. It was the worst feeling in the world, my stomach literally fell to the floor. He was supposed to be there for me but he wasn't, he was supposed to be loyal. He was supposed to be my home and he wasn't. There's nothing more painful that needing that one person who can always make you feel better not being there for you.

That's what you get for being trusting.

Losing that thought, I made my way down the stairs as quietly as I could, making sure that I didn't wake anyone up. I felt like shit so I could imagine how horrible everyone else is feeling. Probably nothing at all, they were all possibly deep in sleep.

My mind was filled with too many drunken thoughts to fall asleep. It's a habit I have. I stay awake with my mind working over time, playing scenarios over and over and most times just crying myself to sleep. It's what I did because I never show emotion to anyone. I bottled it up and walked around with my head held high at all times, I was not going to show anyone what I can appear to be with my guard down.

I opened the fridge and flinched, the lights were blinding and it just intensified my headache. It was worth the headache though because I spotted my favorite Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

As I self indulged to drown my confused feelings, all I could think about was Ryder. You know, coming back I had a feeling deep inside that at some point I would see him but not so soon. Or not even at all. I didn't know that he wanted to go to Miami Sun, he always told me he wanted to move away from home and study. I guess that also changed. Everything I thought about him just seemed so different, it felt like he was putting on a charade for me the entire time we knew each other.

Seeing him brought up feelings that I tried so hard to push aside. I was confused because I loathed him yet when he kept looking at me. I liked it. I couldn't lie to myself but seeing him made me miss him, it made me feel a sense of comfort being back here. I just thought that it wouldn't be so soon.

When I went back to Cali after the night I saw him, I kept in touch with a couple friends but they all slowly drifted away, except one. Maddie. We weren't as close as we used to be but every couple of months we would catch up. When I found out Ryder cheated she filled me in months after about how his lifestyle changed. He apparently was sleeping around and all of my close "friends" were on his hit list. That's why they all lost touch with me, apart from me keeping a distance from everything Miami related. They were busy banging my ex.