cherry wine - ongoing

xiii. | red

❝ she trembles with each breath
wishing she were dead
he kissed her to death
oh if she weren't herself❞

xiii.
red | make a lighter, brighter, redder wine
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naya-

i was shivering.

my fingers trembled as i stood in front of the one-way glass, after shedding all my clothes, surrounded by my tiled walls of his bathroom.

i raised my right arm, so did the girl behind the glass.

her pale skin shined as though under a floodlight, unblemished-apart from the red blotches on her inner thighs, bite marks on her shoulders, purple bruises dotting her breasts. my arms felt as though they were made of lead, and my lungs as though all the residual air had been knocked out, as though they would collapse if i dared to speak.

when the girl behind the glass blinked, so did i.

and when tears formed in her eyes,

i cried too.

my back hit the cool, tiled wall and sweat dripped down back. perspiration accumulated on my philthrum but i did not have it in myself to move.

i had fallen. this, this was inevitable, wasn't it?

i had ignored the small gestures, the signals of oncoming grief, the insurmountable pain. agony. i closed my eyes and stepped into the bath tub half empty bath tub, still filling with scorching water, cascading loudly down the tap. i stepped in and slowly sat down.

the hot water swallowed my body, it burned the gashes and melted my insides. i felt molten. the water gained a pinkish tinge as the blood slowly washed off.

and then i screamed. my hands cupped my ears as i shook my head to let those blue eyes disappear, whimpering like a wounded animal. maybe that's what was left of me.

my throat felt like sand paper, but the screams wouldn't stop. i felt his hands everywhere. his mouth scarring me.

i let him do it. i couldn't fight back.

i let my arms float in the water as i tried laying down, sobs raking though my body like tremors. i took a deep breath and shut the tap as stuffed the other fist into my mouth, fighting back the gasps. i leaned backwards a little, crossed my arms-placing the right hand on my left shoulder and vice versa, squeezed my eyes and submerged my head into the water.

my hair spread out, floating like a shoal of eels, my chapped lips looking blood red under the water. she let the water carry her, control her thoughts. blue. a serene, dark, quiet blue. unlike his eyes.

silence. it was deafening.

i stopped holding my breath. water rushed into my nostrils and my throat was blocked,
water was seeping into my lungs faster every minute.

i finally gave in to a sorrow so deep, like the currents that carried shards of my soul away. and little by little, i finally began to understand why the storm beckoned to me. love never left me, it sunk its claws into my neck, blood oozing out, but it drank all my dignity just like cherry wine. i was hurled under the surface, but maybe now, it was finally time to rise again-or not at all.

maybe that wasn't love at all.

of course it wasn't. i was such a fool.

yesterday, yesterday felix was a monster. but he wasn't himself. maybe he'd been one all along, maybe my love for him clouded the monstrosity that lay between the folds of his skin, dissolved into his ocean irises-sinking and resurfacing as it pleased.

i thought very highly of felix. i thought he was everything.

and yes, felix was the most capable man i had ever met.

capable, of breaking everything he touched.

❝ he was the poison
she the seraph
eroding slowly
she takes her last breath ❞
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a/n: stay strong, naya carter-creed. you're doing your best.

cherry wine will be coming to an end soon. thoughts on the chapter?