Eve

17

I hated that the hours and days and weeks went by quicker. I didn't even realize it was already August until I looked to the calendar on my phone for the first time in a while. Eve's time was ticking from days to hours to now minutes. I hated that part of myself thought of it all as a waste. I wasn't sure if this heart break could be covered by all of our memories together. Would I be able to heal from something so tragic? Or would my longing to see her become endless as I grew old?

And then I had to face what Tanner had said to me a while ago at the docks. A final release of my emotions to help myself gradually let go of her. So I cried and cried until my emotions were numb and my face became so puffy I could hardly see. I did it just to pity myself, remembering all of our moments together and sobbing because I'd never get to experience them again. It was painful. So, so painful. And saying goodbye felt like dying. I would scream if I could. Bash every piece of furniture in my room and tear through the wallpaper. But that was only a fantasy as I lay motionless in my bed.

Saying goodbye to her was like saying goodbye to summer, even though I wasn't leaving yet. She was my whole summer to me. For now, I could cry about that forever, thinking of how my summers will never be the same. But after, I needed to stay strong and positive, just like what Eve would've done. What's the point in holding a grudge anyway if it will just hold me back from living my life?

I decided finally, lying in my bed on another sleepless night the day before she left. I would write Eve a letter. I would tell her the truth. I would tell her how I really felt all this time. It was selfish not to keep it to myself. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but wouldn't you be a little bit annoyed if the girl you hung out all this time turned out to be so deeply in love with you? Eve would've liked to know. She would've wanted me to be honest from the start. But I knew I couldn't bare a friendship with her after the truth was told. Eve would try, but I would let go.

That's what this letter was supposed to be. This way, Eve doesn't have to try. At the same time I let go of her, she will let go of me. Our feelings will be settled and I won't have to face her pity back to me. I'd rather just avoid the torture entirely and have a fresh start. But writing the letter, I found myself recalling all of our times together. And I thought to myself that I should thank her. Not only was this a confession of love, but also a thank you for everything she helped me through this summer. Just being at my side had made me experience the best summer of my life. She was like no other friend I've ever had. Even in our short months together, she's loved me and cared for me more than any other my friends ever had. I think that's part of why I fell in love so easily. Eve was so kind to me, even though she had so many struggles to deal with, she still gave out so much of her love and care. 

I hope to meet someone like her again. I really do. I can't guarantee I won't fall in love, though. But I also can't ignore the fact that Eve will always be in a little part of my heart. The image of her face with a giant grin that created wrinkles in her dolly brown eyes. I'll always be in love with her. Maybe not romantically after I work to get over her, but I'll fall in love with her the way you fall in love with a memory. Her image, every detail about her. She's so wonderful, how could I ever forget her. And soon all of this will just become as hazy as a dream.