I tug at my now what feels to be to short crop top and try not acknowledge the eyes burning holes in my head. Everyone I cared about is here, even Alex showed up. I wish he hadn't. I'm fighting myself not to run to him and cry. The more I sit here watching his dark brown eyes I feel why he's staring. Tears are lining my cheeks and no one can tell since we're in a dark room. But he can. I can feel him. It's like he's ripping my heart out and keeping it for himself. Maybe that is what he's doing and maybe I just let him.
I sigh walking up the stairs to my room Alex right behind me. God, why can't you just come with me or better yet, forget me and find something better.
"What?" I turn around to see those sad brown eyes meet mine and it makes me miss Kayla more than ever. I wish she were here. She wouldn't care if I cried. She wouldn't throw down in a book of judgement as weak either. My selfishness of wanting her to be back here is unfair and I know it.
"I just wanted to say goodbye officially is all, I hate that you're leaving." He mumbles so softly. He really makes me hate myself, and the reason why is because I know I love him and I know he has my heart chained and locked down to him and him alone and I hate that. I hate that I'm leaving and I know he'll never say anything back to me. The thoughts of this are tearing me apart inside. If he did truly care or love me he would have came back before me leaving. I can't take this now. I can't take being here infront of him. If I stay I'm going to run into his arms and I just can't do that. I can't give him that power over me when he left me.
I run to my room pressing against the door. I let the tears fall staring at everything I'm letting go. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Why can't this match maker asshole give me someone who won't leave? Maybe he has. Maybe I'm just stupid and can't see who it is. Though I do know who. The pain of that hits me twice as hard. I never wanted her to love me. I loved her and always would and we both knew it. I never intended for any of this to happen. I just wanted to make a friend who understood me and she was that. Kayla was what most would assume to be my girlfriend. No matter the hour I always snuck out to her house and would go to sleep with her, only she knew me the way Alex knew me. She maybe even knew more. God I needed her now, with all this on my mind this flight was going to kill me more than i ever could.
