WILD THING (18+) - COMPLETED

HER

Cara was in a place that felt worse than hell. It had been a week since the incident, and Jonah wasn't picking her calls or replying her texts. She'd even sent him a long cringy email begging him to let her see him, but that had gone unanswered too.

She couldn't look at Ben either. He'd tried calling the first couple of days, then, when she didn't pick his calls, had sent texts. She knew he would've come to her dorm if it wouldn't have looked weird. A professor coming to see one of his students in her dorm room. Definitely weird.

She knew she'd hurt him. She'd seen it in his face, when she'd asked him to take her back to her dorm. A childish part of her wondered why he was hurt when what they'd had was clearly just a really intense fling. But she couldn't lie to herself. It had been deeper than that.

And her pulling away had hurt him.

She was the scum of the earth. And Laurie wouldn't let her forget it.

"You're the scum of the earth," her best friend said, peering at her over the back of her chair on the other side of the room.

Cara groaned into her pillow. "I know."

"But you're my best friend, and I hate seeing you like this," Laurie said. "It's been a whole week. You can't keep skipping meals. Let's go grab something to eat."

"No. Let me wallow in my shame here."

"Cara, you can't continue to hide from your problems."
"But he won't take my calls or text me back," Cara wailed, flipping over onto her back and staring up at the ceiling.

"He's not the only one you have to talk to," Laurie said. Cara turned to glower at her.

"I'm not talking to Professor Kincaid."

"Oh, back to formalities, are we?" Laurie said. "I bet you didn't call him Professor Kincaid when you ran off with him that night."

"I was drunk!"

"Mmm... not that drunk. And you haven't said sorry to any of us for making us worry that you were dead in a ditch somewhere."

Although there was a teasing lilt to her words, Cara could tell Laurie was mostly serious. With a deep sigh, she sat up in her bed and looked at her best friend.

"I'm sorry, Laurie," she said earnestly. "I was stupid and thoughtless."

Laurie smiled gently. "That's a good start. Get dressed, babe. Let's get you something to eat."

***

They went to a little restaurant in town, where they found Dylan and his girlfriend, Beth, waiting for them.

"I ordered for you in advance," Dylan said, pressing a kiss into the top of Cara's head while he engulfed her in a hug. He let her hold on a little longer, seeming to understand that she needed the comfort of physical touch.

Laurie, Dylan, and Beth talked about their plans for the winter break while they waited for their orders, and Cara just sat and watched them with a little smile on her face. They looked so happy, just existing, and she had had that, just a week ago. And she'd ruined it for herself with her greed and foolishness.

The food came, and Dylan had ordered for Cara her favorite meal – steak and mashed potatoes – but it tasted like rubber on her tongue. She could feel the weight of Dylan's worried gaze on her as she ate, so she tried to force most of the food down.

The last thing she needed was another chastisement for not eating well enough. Thankfully, Laurie and Beth seemed oblivious to her struggle with the meal, chatting animatedly over their own meals like they hadn't seen each other in weeks.

At some point, the two of them got up to go to the bathroom, finally giving Dylan the opportunity Cara just knew he'd been itching for. He moved around the table to take the seat next to her and dove right in.

"Okay. Talk to me," he said. "What's going on in that pretty head? And no lies."

Cara deflated. She'd considered lying. The truth would make her feel even worse than she already did, if spoken aloud. But suddenly, faced with Dylan's straightforwardness, she felt she had to tell him – and herself – the truth.

"I feel like I'm dragging out this entire mess because, deep down, I don't really want to lose either of them," she confessed, feeling her face heat up in shame.

It was true.

She could've – should've – gone to Jonah's apartment to beg him to hear her out. But that would need her to have a clear answer for him. And that would mean talking to Ben first, and either shutting their entire little fling down or saying yes to his unspoken proposition.

"Okay," Dylan said, nodding his head slowly. "Okay. I guess that just leaves you with one question to answer. Which one of them can't you imagine a life without?"

***

Ben looked haggard when he opened his apartment door. Cara felt the guilt in her chest ratchet a notch higher, seeing the way he looked. It was obviously all her fault. She'd driven a rift between him and his friend, and she had, in essence, broken his heart.

His expression was wary while he took her in, and he didn't immediately step back to let her in. Yep. She'd broken something there, and it was probably way beyond fixing.

"Can I come in?" she said in a soft voice. He held her gaze for a beat, then two, then, with a very heavy sigh, stepped aside to let her in.

He left her in the living room for a little bit, and she sat awkwardly at the edge of the couch, looking around at all the things she'd missed that night he'd brought her here. The brown rug, the sensible coffee table, the tall chairs at the breakfast bar that separated the living room from the kitchen.

The kitchen in which Ben stood, fiddling with the coffee maker.

"You want anything?" he called. "Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"No, I'm fine," Cara said. She couldn't take anything even if she wanted to. She was almost completely certain her nerves would make her throw up.

Ben finished making his coffee in silence, then moved around the breakfast bar and leaned against it, sipping from his cup.

He was keeping his distance. It stung, but it was good, Cara thought. It meant he'd started detaching himself already, and maybe what she had to do would hurt less.

"I... I wanted to apologize," she began, her voice tremulous. She kept her eyes on her linked fingers in her lap. It was one thing to come to his house to apologize. It was another to hold his gaze the entire time.

She didn't see Ben place his coffee mug down on the countertop, but she heard his sigh of exasperation, and when she looked up, he was walking toward her.

He sat down next to her and sighed again.

"You don't have to apologize," he said. "We were both being stupid, and I'm the older adult here..."

"Don't patronize me!"

"Don't turn this into a fight, Cara," Ben said gently. "I should have known better. You're my student. Jonah's brother left him in my care. I'm the one who overstepped where I shouldn't have."

He ran his hand through his hair.

"You shouldn't have to suffer for it," he finished. "I would hate to see you continue to punish yourself for this."

Cara's lower lip trembled, and tears sprang to her eyes. "So you're not mad at me?"

Ben sighed. "No. At least, not anymore. I had some time alone with my thoughts, too."

"So do you think Jonah will let me see him?"

That made Ben pause. He gave her a weird look. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Fucking children," Ben cursed under his breath, looking up at the ceiling. He exhaled, and looked back at Cara.

"Jonah isn't in the country. He left for London last night."