Forward

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 Somehow, by some sort of miracle, Jay still hasn't figured out that Ellie is the one I've been so bent out of shape over. I find some sort of twisted humor in that. I chuckle to myself as I walk through the parking lot to Ellie's apartment building. She invited me to come over and hang out, so of course I happily obliged. I clutch my keys as I reach the sidewalk, heading toward the stairs. I chew my lip. Something feels off. At the foot of the staircase, I swivel on my heel and look out toward the parking lot once more. My stomach drops when I see Jay's truck. In a slight panic, I whirl around to the stairs. As fate would have it, I come face to face with him for the first time in three weeks.

"Can you move, please?" He asks in a dry voice.

Jay's face is void of expression and his body is as stiff as a board. I shuffle cautiously to the side as he nods and pulls his keys out of his pocket. He walks out of my sight and I suck in a deep breath. I run up the stairs and swing Ellie's door open. I slam it shut behind me and pant like a thirsty dog. She looks up from her book and blinks hard. I slump down against the wall and she walks over to me with a laugh.

"Like, Scoob. You look like you just saw a ghost!" She teases in a ridiculous voice.

I look up at her and shake my head. She lifts an eyebrow and then sucks in some air.

"Oh."

I give her a nod and she clears her throat.

"Yeah. He came to talk to me. He wants me to enroll into your high school. He wants me to finish out Senior year. I want to graduate." Ellie informs me, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

I stand up slowly and we move to her couch. I sit criss-cross applesauce while Ellie lies her head in my lap. She dangles her legs over the arm of the couch and swings them back and forth. I play with her hair while she keeps me in the loop.

"What about a job? How are you paying for this place, anyway?" I ask.

Ellie laughs, "My grandma is really nice."

"I don't want you to finish Senior year while I'm going off to college." I frown, "I'm going to miss you."

"I can't just sit around and expect to get a good job. I have to finish what I started." She sighs and searches the cushions for the remote.

"Yeah, I know... I mean, you are scarily intelligent." I reply.

Ellie sticks her tongue out and rolls onto her side, turning the TV on, "I wonder if my parents miss me."

"I'm sure they do," I assure her.

"I don't know. I think they wanted me gone. I mean, I never aspired to shit in sports. My mom made me play softball once when I was ten and I cried until she took me home. Then, Jay picked up a soccer ball and won, like, a hundred trophies. My parents were so proud. I got to seventh grade and they put me in high school level algebra and my parents didn't say shit. I got a pat on the back and a 'keep up the good work, Ellie'... It's such bullshit." Her brow is furrowed and she glares at the television, her eyes looking glossy.

"I'm proud of you. And I know Jay's proud of you. If he wasn't, he wouldn't come to talk to you or help you out." I say in an effort to console her.

"What am I doing?" She murmurs, sitting up and placing her elbows on her knees.

I place a hand on her back as she breathes out heavily and buries her face in her palms, "My brother supports me and is kind and caring... And I'm over here with his girlfriend—I mean ex-girlfriend—I don't know." She mutters.

"I-"

"I'm a bad person. I know I am. I have to be. They sent me away because I wasn't good enough. I was always bad and I probably always will be. I took you away from him." She shakes her head and rubs at her eyes.

"Ellie," I say quietly.

"I'm sorry." She laughs awkwardly and looks at me.

"No, no. It's okay. It helps to get it out sometimes. Don't be sorry."

"I just—I don't know. Thoughts." Ellie shrugs.

"I understand. I didn't know I could cause so much pain to one family." I laugh and Ellie laughs a bit, too.

She shakes her head again, "You're anything but pain. You're happiness. You make me happy."

"Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you?" I ask, leaning forward and giving her a peck on the nose.

"Mmm, yes. But I'd be happy to hear more." Ellie responds cheekily.

I smile at her and she cracks a grin, pressing her forehead to mine. I kiss her nose and she shuts her eyes. Her breath is steady again and she seems to be doing better. I press a kiss to her lips, placing a gentle hand on her cheek. I hear a clank and we both turn to the source of the noise, seeing Jay standing in the door frame. His keys lie on the tile and his eyes are wide open. His jaw is clenched hard, his expression a mixture of confusion and realization. My heart rate skyrockets instantly and Ellie springs off of the couch behind me. But Jay has already turned around and hurried out the door.

Fuck.

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