Tightrope

Hooray for Boobies!

"Why are you buying a men's pink unicorn onesie?"

"It's for your birthday present. Do you love it?"

"My birthday is in July."

"Ungrateful wench."

"Thank you, Lena, oh great one. This is the greatest gift I've ever received. However can I repay you for your kindness?"

"You can repay me by losing the attitude."

"I thought we were being nice to each other today?"

"That is nice. Mean would be strangling you. And I'm so unbelievably close to going through with that." As an afterthought, I added— "my homie."

Jace was grinning. After leaving Daria at the beach, where she was meeting up with loser dickhead scum-of-the-earth one-day-he-will-be-food-for-my-dog Nate Lever, Jace and I had jumped on the train to Southland, the local shopping centre. Knight was bereft of material possessions, and I had a relatively well-funded debit card.

But, you know, if I'm paying for his clothes, it may as well be something that amuses me. Hence, pink unicorn onesies for days. I threw a flower crown and a t-shirt that said 'Wine Mum' into my cart for good measure. I strangely had the feeling that Knight would not find these clothes deeply embarrassing; he would probably enjoy them and wear them proudly, to be honest. He was strange like that.

Jace was dutifully following me, though he seemed increasingly concerned by my purchases.

"Lena, why do you need this?" It was a top that said 'I'm not a housewife, I'm a hornbag'. Kmart was really pulling through with the whack and, frankly disturbing, clothing choices. "Who are you shopping for?"

"It's a secret," I said, with all the mystery I could muster.

"I hate this," he proclaimed. "You are the least mysterious, secretive person I know. You are loose lips personified. You have never been able to keep a secret."

"And people complain about that," I point out. "I'm practising. You can't have it both ways."

"Go back, please. I'm dying."

I flicked my hair over my shoulder, and grabbed a pair of knee high my little pony socks. Jace looked ready to pull his hair out.

My phone buzzed in my pocket with an incoming call. I pulled it out to see that the home phone was calling me. Weird. Austin was at training, Liv was in Casserine visiting our cousin, Elena, and my parents were both working. I accepted the call while Jace stared, baffled, at the contents of the shopping trolley.

"Hey?"

"Lena, please, I need a phone. I need the internet. I need something."

I turned away from Jace to whisper into the phone. "Knight? What the fuck? Get back in your cupboard!"

"This is child cruelty." His voice came out slightly tinny through the phone, but I could hear him moving around. "You said you'd be home at 4."

"You're not a child, and I'm literally buying you your shit right now. Where did you even get a phone from?"

"You literally have a discarded drawer of old iPhones in your room," said Knight. "And your number is programmed in."

"Lena," said Jace from behind me. He was looking down at the cart. "Why do you need a Bloodhound Gang merch t-shirt? Why?"

"Why do I need a Bloodhound Gang merch t-shirt?" came Knight's echo through the phone.

"Yeah, okay, that's pretty funny."