The life changing realization that had occurred to Regulus was somewhat traumatizing. He knew he was gay, or at least he had suspicions, but now he most definitely had a crush on a boy, and that was alarming. He had never really like anyone before, or perhaps he had never let anyone in long enough to develop feelings. Not that it mattered anyway, he would be engaged likely by the end of the year and he would become a death eater, and James would be captain of the quidditch team and charm Lily Evans. Regulus knew his fate was sealed, but he wanted to live in denial for just a little bit longer.
It was the last day before holidays were to end, and Regulus had been miserable. He had less than an hour before the dark lord was to arrive and he feared that there was no way out now.
Before the dark lord arrived, Regulus joined his family in the sitting room. A crack sounded and the man he feared so very much appeared across from him. He was much scarier than he thought he would be, if that was even possible. He eyes pierced into his soul. Regulus's chest shook. He shut his eyes, picturing a particular brown haired boy in hopes of some relief, but his thoughts were interruped by his parents pushing his towards the dark lord. Regulus bowed before him.
"My lord." He nodded.
"Regulus, you have long awaited this day, I know you will do us proud." The dark lord drawled in a suspiciously calm tone.
"Yes, my lord." Regulus stared at his feet.
As the day met the night, the moment Regulus had dreaded approached. The snake like man reached for his left arm. He wanted to recoil, but he couldn't. He couldn't show any fear. He put on his brave face as the dark lord muttered the cursed word he had hoped he would never hear.
"Morsmordre."
His fate was sealed.
----
The days following Christmas holidays were less than pleasant. Regulus struggled to eat, he couldn't look in the mirror, and he sure as hell would not be able to face James Potter.
Regulus knew that very few if any people knew he had become a death eater, he felt as if the world was watching his every move, waiting for him to screw everything up.
James was worried, to say the least.
"C'mon Prongs, you gotta give up on him, he obviously didn't want you're help." Moony stated. James rolled his eyes but drew his stare back to the Slytherin table.
"Look at him! He looks ill! Even worse than before holidays. He said they were going to make him take the mark. How can I give up helping him! Moony, I might not know Regulus well, but I know he's kind and funny, and goofy when he wants to be. He's not some death eater blood purist scum. I trust him, and I can't just let him waste away." James argued. His brown eyes welled with tears. It's physically pained him to watch the boy across the hall. Remus looked down at his plate but soon spoke, attempting to change the subject.
"How's Lily?" He asked. For the first time since he had met the girl, James's eyes didn't light up when he heard her name.
"Hm? Oh... Lily? I'm not sure, haven't talked to her since we got back." This surprised Remus. James usually took every opportunity to talk to or talk about the red head, but now, it seemed another was the object of his affections. This realization didn't particularly shock Remus, but made him think. James had always been more in love with the idea of Lily rather than the actual girl, in fact, they had only really spoken a few times.
James hadn't given it much thought, but now that Remus had brought it up, Lily hadn't even crossed his mind since they got back to Hogwarts a few days ago. Her name didn't bring the same smile to his face. James's faced into one of confusion.
"Holy shit. Moony, I don't like Evans anymore." James stared off into space. He had never so much as thought of liking anyone but Lily. He had always imagined them ending up together, winning the wizarding war, then having some kids. But now? The idea of them together made him feel weird.... wrong?
"How did you know you loved Sirius?" James asked. He though he loved Lily. He really did. But you don't just fall out of love. Do you?
Remus smiled to himself.
"I just... knew. I don't know how to describe it. One day, it just clicked. The way he makes my heart flutter. You know?" James didn't know... he hadn't ever felt that with Lily. "His smile, the laugh he gets after a successful prank, the way his eyes light up when he gets excited, his silly jokes, his poorly sung muggle karaoke songs. It just--" Remus finished, at a loss for words. He blushes and smiled, looking down at him lap.
James looked over to his friend. He looked so happy. Then he thought of Regulus and his heart swelled. He looked back across the great hall hoping to meet the eyes of a certain Slytherin boy, but he was gone. James took a moment before deciding to go after the boy.
"I gotta go Moony. See you in class!" James rushed out into the corridor searching for Regulus.
Weeping sounds could be heard from around the corner. As he grew closer, the sniffling got louder and louder.
"Reggie?" He called out, turning the corner. Regulus tried to scramble away, starting to get up off the floor but was quickly stopped by James.
"Leave me alone James. Please." James. He thought. He called me James. James pulled him into his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the boy.
"I know they made you...." He trailed off.
"Look, I can't go back now. I already have a bloody task. It's best you keep away. I don't want you getting mixed in with this mess. You deserve so much more than this disaster." Regulus sniffed as tears continued to stream down his supple face. James shook his head, pulling Regulus closer into his side. But what he wasn't expecting was a flutter in his heart.
