dance for you ~fransykes~

32

Josh's PoV

I thought this would be easy, I thought I would be happy for you. But I'd be lying if I said I was, as selfish as that might seem. The summer holidays passed so quickly in a blur of kisses and late nights spent clowning around, just being teenagers. Alcohol. The smell of biros that stained our shirts where our friends signed on the last day. The sheets around us all those lazy mornings watching Netflix in my bedroom like the world outside didn't exist. Like you wouldn't be leaving in a few weeks to chase your dreams down in Paris, whilst I moved further away for university.

But how could we forget when every kiss felt more and more like goodbye?

Our philosophy project was finished, you even managed to say a few words in front of the class about it. Exams ended. Results day came and went. Prom, too, not that we stayed very long before you got itchy from all the people and we escaped into the night, driving around in our suits like lunatics whilst stealing kisses down country roads. I was there when your cast finally got taken off, and you got the all clear to start dancing again, which made you smile so bright. I even met your parents...it was nice, in an awkward kind of way that makes your insides skirmish. But you held my hand under the table, and suddenly the evening didn't seem so daunting anymore. My dad even started calling you 'mate', which is his way of saying that you're family.

And now my heart feels like it's shattering at the thought of not being able to see you everyday, to not wake up to find you there underneath my covers. For my pillow to smell like your pear flavoured shampoo. Because it's all the small things that I will miss the most, the things that only you do, like when you pinch my thigh under the table at dinner to get my attention, or when your purposely leave your black hoodies at my house so that you'll have to come back to get them the next day. Because these are the things that make you, you.

And these are the things that I fell in love with.

~~~~~~~~

My heart pounded in my chest as dad drove us to the airport, us both in the back sitting side by side but not quite allowing our legs to touch as we both mourned the loss of summer. Suddenly every song about breakups suddenly made sense, even though we weren't breaking up, just living apart for a little while. It was only a few years, I kept reminding myself. Though a few years felt like eternity without Oliver there to make my silences less lonely, as sad and desperate as that might sound.

I held back tears, knowing that they would only make this harder, and the last thing I wanted was for Oliver to have second thoughts about his decision. This was his dream. His future. And he couldn't throw that away for us, I couldn't live with myself if he did. God, we were only 18, it's not like we were married, and yet here I was on the verge of imploding over the thought of us being so far apart. Was this what love was meant to feel like? A burning fire of passion and desire that ripped through my shattered heart.

We pulled up at the drop off station by the entrance before I had even processed the sight of the airport. The street bustled outside with excited faces and the clatter of suitcases on the concrete. I let out a long breath, finally breaking the wall of tension between us by looking over at Oliver who was staring out of the window, his face flushed with tears. Happy or sad ones, I wasn't sure.

With a long sigh, I unclipped my seatbelt and quickly stepped out of the car, eager to escape the crushing weight of the tension. The air outside was crisp with the first signs of Autumn, making my watery eyes sting as I leant back on the now closed car door with a trapped sob escaping my tight throat. Something warm touched my hand, making me look up into Oliver's eyes that said only one thing; goodbye.

"I don't know if I can do this, Joshua. I-I mean I can hardly talk to people without l-looking like an idiot. What if everyone thinks I'm a twat?"

I roll my eyes. "Oliver, if anyone can do this it's you. They picked you for a reason."

"What if you forget about me?" He asks quietly, his voice breaking over the soft syllables. I hold back another wave of salty tears and instead grad onto his shoulders, pulling his arms tightly around my shoulders.

"Oliver Sykes, you are the most attractive person who has ever given me a concussion. I don't think I could forget about you even if I tried." I laugh, kissing his ear cheek softly as he squeezes me impossibly harder.

"Still a dickhead, even at the end."

"This isn't the end, this is only the beginning." I smile sadly, finally pulling away from our embrace slightly to kiss him hard on the lips, both of us lingering for way longer than we should have, like we knew it was the last one for a very long time.

"Josh, I've got to go. I'm running late, I'll miss my flight if I don't go now." Oliver sighs, looking up into my eyes as we finally slit apart, the warmth between our bodies evaporating into the atmosphere.

"I know." I nod.

"I guess this is goodbye then." Oliver adds after a long pause of silence.

"Yeah I guess."

"Okay." Oliver nods solemnly, leaning over to pick up his suite case from the backseat. "Goodbye then, Josh."

I watch, paralysed with sorrow as he becomes engulfed by the waves of the crowd, his black hoodie becoming more and more distant. And then I break, pulling out my phone in a hurry as dread washed over me like a tidal wave, suddenly remembering that I had forgetting to tell him something so important. The phone rings for a while before he finally picks up, his voice confused as he says my name.

"Josh?"

"Oliver, I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm in the library with my uni flat mates when I finally get the email that Ive been waiting for all year. Joshua Franceschi, your application to study abroad at the Université de Paris for your third year had been accepted.

And with that, I book the first plane I can. And text the one person I miss the most, smiling at the thought of his name in flashing light on the broadway of Paris.