IKIGAI - K. Rukawa

reminiscing everything

─ REASON #7: REMINISCING EVERYTHING

The part where you'll flip the page for another chapter, open up a new beginning; a new dream. Truth, Rukawa's dream is to train hard and to be the best player in the world, and that includes his dream of being a professional basketball player. To play in the famous league, NBA.

He's not some smarty-pants who can be a businessman to provide for you, he's not practical and he never imagines himself pursuing another career aside from basketball. As much as possible, from the start, he already prioritizes his career and has been considering the future. Especially with you. Of course, the two of you wouldn't go that far if he doesn't really have plans of settling.

That's why, days after graduation, the high school graduation, he thought hard over the scholarship that was offered to train in America, with that there's college and all.

But in the back of his mind, he sure knew that leaving and accepting the offer means, also leaving the country, leaving you.

Still, days after receiving the offer he never told you about it.

Not until you just found out, accidentally when it slips Mitsui's mouth.

Rukawa didn't know that he'll wake up that morning only to be greeted by the upset look on your face.

"I need answers," you gave him a watery scowl, your (e/c) eyes and the sorrow in it is visible, he never wanted to see that. Nor he was too much of a coward when it comes to you that he can never admit and accept that sometimes he hurt you.

Sometimes, he is the reason why you're crying. Sometimes he is the reason why you're not okay.

"I know you knew that I plan to tell you, didn't I?" His expression was as tax as his usual one. You couldn't see the utter intention.

"Oh!" You faked a gasp, yanking his collar, pulling him close. His face remains stoic. "So do you plan to tell me when you're leaving? Or do you really even plan to tell me? Because honestly-"

He cut you off by crouching at your level, sitting on the edge of his bed, and you are now standing between his legs while you still got ahold of his collar. You stiffened when you felt him wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you close making you lose your grip on his collar. His other arm was resting on the bed.

"I planned to tell you, I'm just waiting for good timing." Now that you stay still, while one of his hands was on the small of your back, his other hand made its way to your face, his thumb wiping your tears.

"Listen, was there a moment that I lied to you?"

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of you before you urge to speak again inside the arms of your stoical boyfriend.

"I'm just upset that I found out about it from others, not you. It's not like I have plans of not letting you go anyway, it's an opportunity you shouldn't miss-"

"I don't plan on accepting it."

That's when your eyes widened. In your defense, you tried to pull away from him but his grip on you was too strong for you to even step back.

Your mouth agape. "Are you dumb!?" You yelled at him. "Go for it! It's a good opportunity that only deserving ones received! It's a once in a lifetime offer, Kaede!"

"I don't want to be away from you, aren't you happy?"

You pause and stared at him for a second before Rukawa felt you slowly removing his arms around you. His eyes were slightly widened, he didn't expect it. Instead, he expected that maybe you would be happy since he's choosing you.

Was there even a choice to begin with?

"Yeah," you pulled away from him. "Maybe I would be happy. But what about you? Your dream. I don't want to be in the way of your dreams, you've trained hard and practice for years for this, and you're not going to accept it?"

"Basketball was there even before me, Kaede. And I understand, heck I can even offer you a long-distance relationship!"

"And I was there too, I've watched you become more passionate and grow, I fell in love with you because of it. And the love just deepened when I got to know you more."

His fierce dark blue eyes watched you leave his room. He couldn't decide whether he'll follow you and ran after you, but even if he wanted to he knew he can't because his knees had been trembling like crazy because of your words. He felt like he was going all over it again, the way he made a name for himself in middle school. His efforts on training and official games, everything.

While reminiscing everything, there's a part of his journey the keeps on replaying like a broken record on the back of his mind.

Rukawa drifted to sleep again, only to dream of (y/n) (l/n) their first meeting, his first game that she attended, the first time they go out. His first of everything in his youth.

"Maybe I am dumb." He mumbled in his sleep, his mind drifting again on how her face looked so upset awhile ago.