CHRYSALIS - FRED WEASLEY

CHAPTER 19

Something did shift for Lillie, that day in the forest. Her pain is still there, strong and pressing inside her. But with Fred's care, it gradually becomes more manageable. Realizing and accepting her feelings for Fred has given Lillie something to focus on other than the gnawing in her stomach, and Charlie makes his way into the periphery of her thoughts, only emerging when prompted. Lillie is reverting to her old self in surprising ways; she suddenly felt bashful and girlish around Fred, laughing constantly at his wit and antics.

Her time in New Mexico was always so serious, so full of introspection and contemplation and 'finding herself', that it wasn't until she came back to Hogwarts and reconnected with Fred that she realized her life had been almost completely devoid of humor. Charlie sapped it with his complaints and his criticism, and his death brought a grief so strong it choked her; for months she never felt the familiar bubbles of laughter rise from her gut, as she so often had with Fred.

She had to come back to Hogwarts, she realized. Even if the impending threat of You-Know-Who weren't hanging over the Wizarding World and her services were unneeded, she has a feeling she would have found her way back, somehow. The final months of her last year at Hogwarts were marked with pressure, of which the magnitude was far too huge for a teenage girl to bear on her own. The psychological scars left by the trauma of 7th year never fully healed; pink and tender and raised, they mark her heart, belaboring every beat with their mutilation. Lillie received no closure upon graduation, no stitches to sew up her mangled psyche. Just more pain.

Thus far, she has been the only living reminder of this pain. With Charlie's death, her flesh is the last remaining relic of the past. Every part of her was touched by him, marked, in her own mind if nowhere else. At least in this way the pain was contained to her own body, well within her grasp and control.

When Lillie arrived at Hogwarts in March, Charlie's sister, Katie Bell, was still on leave, recovering from a curse that left her comatose for months. Bound by duty and her own self-preservation, Lillie had not gone to see Katie; besides, she had learned that Katie only recently regained her speech and motor skills--she wouldn't have been conscious to register Lillie's visit.

Katie and Lillie really only spoke in the beginning of her relationship with Charlie. Wanting desperately to be liked by her, as well as a desire to act as a bridge between Charlie and his increasingly estranged family, Lillie became Katie's friend. It wasn't as though the friendship was obligatory; Lillie came to appreciate Katie's measured silence and treasured the moments of silliness they shared together.

However, as Charlie's involvement with the Death Eaters deepened, his relationship with his parents and sister ran aground in shallow waters. For their own safety they had to be kept completely in the dark of his working with the ministry, and for months they believed their son had been collaborating with the Dark Lord. It was only at his funeral that Lillie was able to tell them of the true heroism of his actions--by then, of course, it was too late for the Bells to have their son back.

Charlie's funeral was the last time Lillie spoke to Katie. Since then, that has been the event that Katie is inextricably tied to, another living reminder of what has happened. With Katie recuperating at St. Mungo's Lillie has successfully repressed the memories Katie's presence would undoubtedly bring.

"Did you hear Katie Bell is back?" Lillie hears Angelina say, two bunks over, early one Tuesday morning.

"No, holy shit, is she okay?" her friend replies.

"I think so. I don't know anything else, I just heard from Alicia. She just, like, showed up for breakfast in the Great Hall. Like nothing happened. Fucking insane," she says, shaking her head.