CHRYSALIS - FRED WEASLEY

CHAPTER 4

Lillie gets back to her dormitory in the dead of night; she has to tip-toe around, avoiding creaky floorboards and cautiously listening to the slow breathing of her roommates. She gets ready for bed quickly before climbing into bed and slowly drawing the golden yellow curtains around her four-poster. She's exhausted-- her eyes should close as soon as she hits the pillow. But, after tonight's events, she feels as though she's run a marathon. Her heart pounds and her mind races as she remembers the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way they almost kissed. No matter how hard she tries to shake the memory, he's there-- all fresh linen and campfire, quick wit and slow breaths.

Had she imagined it? The moment felt so long, but in reality it was fleeting, so quick it may have simply been a blip in time that Fred has already forgotten. Why else would he have pulled away, made some excuse about needing to get back? His goodbye was so formal, so distant; it was if walking her back was obligatory rather than wanted. He probably regretted it-- that would explain his cold behavior. For him, it was no doubt a moment of lust, a second where he was caught up in the moment. Same with that night in the divination classroom: a lust-filled, drug-induced moment.

Suddenly Lillie is embarrassed. No, embarrassed is not a strong enough word to describe her feelings. She's ashamed. Ashamed that she harbors this crush in the first place, ashamed that she would risk her friendship with both twins for something as silly as this, ashamed that even for a second she considered someone like Fred Weasley might like her back.

So she lays there, her mind reeling and tears streaming, waiting for a sleep that only comes in the wee hours of the morning.

...

The whole week, Lillie avoids Fred, and George too, if she can help it. She ducks behind corners and into classrooms when she sees him walking down the hallway, nearly always surrounded by a group of people hanging on to his every word. It was as if, all of the sudden, he was everywhere, exactly when Lillie needed him the least. He turns up at all of her haunts: the back corner of the library, the astronomy tower, the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall. Every time she sees him, her stomach flips and her hands go clammy. A few times, she even has to run to the bathroom for fear of being sick. Seeing his face reminds her of her stupidity that night, and the waves of shame rock her with the force of a tsunami all over again, bringing stinging tears to her eyes and bite marks to her lips.

She knows he notices, too. If he spots her, he often calls her. He shouts her name down hallways and across rooms, shoving his way through throngs of people to try and get to her. But Lillie just keeps her head down and keeps walking, hoping he'll leave her be.

Most of the time, he does. After the first few times Lillie ignored him, he resorted to longing stares across the Great Hall or from secluded corners of the library.

"Look alive, Freddie," George says, nudging him, "Wenlock, two o'clock. Oh, now one. Twelve, eleven..."

"Yeah, George, I see her," Fred replies, annoyed, "Thanks for the play-by-play." The truth is, Fred saw her the moment she walked through the huge wooden doors. He keeps his eyes trained on them every meal until he sees her walk in and take her place. Sometimes she's with her friends, sometimes she's alone. Sometimes her hair is messy, and he can tell she woke up late. Sometimes she looks put together with a straight tie and eyes full of mascara. He likes the way she looks either way.

Today is a put together day: her hair is pulled back in a smooth ponytail, and she wears a pair of earrings Fred has never seen before. He commits these details to memory; these days, he doesn't get much time to look at her. She's trailed by Charlie Bell, Katie Bell's brother. He falls slightly behind, struggling to keep up with his cane. He sits next to Lillie near the middle of the Hufflepuff table, sitting so he straddles the bench and faces her. She doesn't return the favor and goes about assembling her breakfast instead.

"Why's she hanging around that Charlie bloake?" Fred murmurs to George.

"I heard they're dating," George deadpans.

Fred whips his head towards his twin, "What?" he snaps, his eyes widened.

"'M taking the piss, Fred. I dunno why they're talking, but I see them together all the time," he responds, laughing. Fred huffs and leans back over his plate, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth forcefully. "Just talk to her, mate."

...

Fred waits outside of Lillie's potions classroom. He's been checking his watch frantically for the past five minutes. 2:59. He's left his charms class six minutes early to try and catch Lillie on her way out of class. The bell on the clock tower gives a booming ring that reverberates around the castle, and everywhere doors open and students rush out, moving down the halls like streams, parting for Fred's tall figure. Despite the slight chaos around him, his eyes stay fixed on the classroom door. Finally Lillie exits; her and Charlie are the last two. She's talking to him with a small smile on her face as she explains something. Charlie looks like he couldn't care less--his eyes roam and he gives uninterested little nods. Fred walks up to them.

"Hi," he says, smiling timidly at Lillie and nodding at Charlie, "Sorry. Erm. Do you mind if we talk for a second?"

"Fred, I have class--" she responds, averting her eyes.

"It'll only be a moment," he says. She sighs and nods, saying goodbye to Charlie. Fred motions towards the empty classroom behind her and she turns around. Fred shuts the door behind them, goes to the nearest desk and leans on it, and clears his throat. They stand in silence for a moment, Fred with his arms crossed and Lillie playing with her cuticles.

"So," Fred says, breaking the silence, "How are you?" Fred hates this. He hates how awkward it is, how estranged they've become. He can barely stand the tension in the room, and it's not the good kind, the kind that normally hangs over the two of them when they're in a room alone.

"I'm good," Lillie says, her eyes still on her nail beds, "Busy. I have that essay-"

"For Trelawny, yeah. I remember," Fred says, finishing her sentence. They're silent for a few more moments. "Why have you been avoiding me?" he asks, cutting to the chase.

Lillie finally looks up from her prodding and sighs, "I haven't been."

"Yes, you have. I haven't talked to you in a week."

"Like I said, I've been-"

"Busy," he interrupts, "That's bollocks, Lillie, and you know it."

"Really, Fred I just haven't had time to smoke lately," she mumbles.

"How about when I call your name from down the hall. Or when I sit at your favorite spot in the library. Are you too busy for me then, too?"

"No, it's just..." she trails off.

"What?" he says, his voice raising a little, "Really, what is it? If I did something to make you angry I'd rather you just tell me than do this passive-aggressive bullshit."

"I just can't be around you right now!" she blurts.

"Why?" he says, his gaze burning into her.

"Because. It's hard to explain." She says, exasperated.

"Try me."

"I don't know, okay Fred? I don't have a good reason. I just can't do this right now, I need space," she storms towards the door.

"God, Lillie, you're so frustrating! One minute I have you pressed against a wall, the next it's like you don't know me," he's shouting now.

"Just, leave me the fuck alone," she's swinging the door open and practically throwing herself out of the classroom.

"You're a bitch," he spits out, making Lillie stop in her tracks in the doorway. Without another word, she walks away, letting the door slam and leaving Fred alone in the empty classroom with a heaving chest and a hurting heart.