Advice//muke

1.8

Throughout the rest of the night, i couldn't stop thinking about how Michael had said how Autumn and I seemed happy together. Did we really? I wasn't sure how I really felt about her anymore. I knew I liked her enough, but with each day that went by, I couldn't help but wonder if I stayed with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Or because I didn't want things to change. Because technically, I didn't want things to change. I liked consistancy. 

We had been dating for awhile. It just seemed normal now, and anything but that would just feel weird.

Deep down, I knew that it just wasn't working anymore. Autumn was too busy with her school work. I didn't really feel like dating her anymore,as horrible as that sounds, but I just felt differently.

But then, I felt bad about it. That's a shitty thing for me to do. Just tell her that I didn't really like her that way anymore? Pretend all those years didn't matter? She had wasted so long on me. It wasn't fair.

I wanted to ask Michael what he thought I should do. He was the only person I felt close enough to ask for advice. Of course, there were my other friends, like Ashton and Calum, but I just felt like we couldn't talk about this together.

But I also felt like Michael just told me what I wanted to hear, instead of what he thought was best. I was lost at what I should do. His advice sucked.

And then, there was the slight possibility that I could like Michael. 

I didn't want to think that was true. I mean, I'm not gay. All I've ever dated were girls. But what happened last night tells me differently. 

I just couldn't shake the feeling I had about him. How his lips felt against mine. His shy smile. His glasses that were constantly tipping down. His mostly happy personality. I just couldn't shake the feeling I had when I was around him, or how disappointed I would get with myself whenever I chose Autumn over him, as if I was doing something wrong. I realized that I didn't want to make Michael sad. 

It was almost eleven when we finally left. We had planned on leaving a bit earlier than that, considering it was a Sunday night, but got caught up in having fun and kind of forgot.

Despite being better at skating, Michael still held tightly onto hand most of the time, as if I was his support. I'm not going to lie, I liked it. It was nice, holding his hand in mine. Different than Autumn's somehow. I think Michael held on tighter. His hand was warmer too. More comforting. Or something along those  lines.  I couldn't even explain why, but I liked it.

 "Do you want me to walk with you home?" I ask. Michael nods, suddenly quiet.

I walked with Michael in silence,hoping that once I got home my mom would be asleep.

It was surprisingly really cold outside, and I watched as Michael hugged his arms closer to his body in an attempt to stay warm.

"Are you cold?"  I ask, worried.

"Kind of." He shivered. "It's fine. I'm almost home."

I cast one more worried look at him, before we turned the corner, and our conversation started on our upcoming break. We only had one more week before Winter Break. 

We reached Michael's home, the lights already out. His family had gone to bed.

Michael's cheeks were bright red, and he looked impatient to get inside.

"I hope you had a good time?" I say. I made it sound as if we went on a date.

He smiles. "Yeah, it's always nice to see you." 

He fidgets, and his smile was replaced with a nervous look.

"Okay so before I go inside I was kind of wondering somet-"

I guessed where he was going before he finished his sentence.

Without really thinking about what I was doing or the consequences, I leaned forward, watching as Michael's eyes widened. It just felt right. Our lips attached for a second, and unlike the last time, it wasn't rushed or unwanted.

Once we were done, Michael's eyes were still wide. He squeaks out a goodbye, and rushes inside, while i'm left shocked.

I don't think about how much I used to be against kissing my best friend, all I can think about is Michael and his reaction and how right everything felt.

Autumn doesn't run through my mind once. 

I honestly can't believe I just did that.