Before You Go

bonus chapter 1: leo sangster

Eliza

The icing on the vanilla cake is raspberry buttercream and there are five candles on it. It's a smaller cake, just big enough for five people to eat, and is decorated with confetti-like sprinkles and a few strawberries. It's one of Tenille's homemade cakes, and Leo can't stop staring at it. I've been watching him for a few minutes now. As each minute passes, he gets closer and closer, ready to cave-in to the temptation of birthday cake.

"How much do you want to bet that he's going to take a swipe at the icing?" Kit whispers.

I suppress a snort, watching as my son licks his lips. Every year, on his birthday, Tenille always bakes him a cake. He's become accustomed to her exquisite cakes and expects nothing less. Each year, it's been a different one. For his first birthday, she made a funfetti cake. For his second, it was a lemon pound cake with a silky Italian buttercream. Suffice to say, he's excited to try this new cake.

"A million," Nathan inputs, nudging me in the shoulder. "Leo does have your cautionary abilities, Eliza, but he also has a little bit of my son's impulsiveness. He's not going to make it through the next ten minutes without having a taste."

Kit chuckles and the two of them continue to talk about Leo, watching him closely to see if Nathan's right.

With the mention of Leon, a bittersweet feeling rises in my chest. It's been five years since the accident, but sometimes it feels like it only happened yesterday. Especially at moments like these, where I wish he could be here to see his son grow up. To meet his son. Leon would have loved Leo with every piece of his heart. He would have been an amazing dad and an amazing husband.

Excusing myself from the conversation, I stand up and walk over to the large window that gives me an excellent view of the Atlantic Ocean, a glass of wine in hand.

In the time between just after the accident and just after I found out I was pregnant with Leo, I had a hard time balancing my life. Everywhere I looked, I could see memories of Leon and me: Blackcomb Peak, Lost Lake, any mountain bike that passed by. Whistler has always been my home; it's where I grew up, where I met the man I love, where I fell in love with him all over again. But those memories, though I cherish them to the bottom of my heart, were too much for me at the time. I needed a fresh start. So, about a week after my appointment when I found out Leon was the father, I decided it was time to move. Originally, I had been thinking about moving to Squamish or even Saanich on Vancouver Island – Leon once told me he'd loved living there. But, after a conversation with Nathan about how his basement suite was vacant, I took a huge step and decided to move to St. John's. Across the country. It was definitely a shocker to my parents. They didn't want me to leave and I almost retracted my decision due to a few compelling reasons. But then I decided I was going to go through with it. It was time for a change of scenery and people.

I love my parents, but I didn't want to raise my son in a toxic environment. They always claim to have the right intentions, but that's never the case with them; they only care about themselves. It's a tough fact to admit when you desperately want them to love you and care for you in the way that parents should. That's why, instead of being in the middle of a dense forest surrounded by tall mountains, I'm staring out over the Atlantic Ocean, the sun setting on the horizon, streaking the blue sky with different shades of pink and orange.

I will admit, it was difficult to leave behind my friends and the small nook I had created for myself in Whistler, but I adapted. Nathan put in a good word with one of the downtown shops and managed to snag me a job, despite the fact that I wouldn't be officially starting until after I had Leo and was given maternity leave to take care of him. With a job secured and my urge to leave Whistler behind and start a new chapter in my life, one solely based around Leo, I went through with the move.