Before You Go

chapter twenty-three

Eliza

I can't stop thinking about almost kissing Leon. And every time I do, I have to press my fingers to my lips to stop the tingling of my nerves. To stop my body from wanting more. To stop my mind from thinking about our past.

Frustrated with myself, I focus all of my attention on turning the lug wrench in order to tighten one of the nuts on the wheel of a customer's truck. There is a flat tire I need to successfully change before closing time, which is in just under an hour.

"Trouble in bride-world?" Mitch calls from across the shop.

"You wish," I shout back. I'm hoping my face doesn't show otherwise. Mitch would indefinitely gloat about being correct. In fact, it feels like bride-world is going up in smoke. My thoughts have gone so array that this morning when I kissed James, my mind pictured me kissing Leon. But that's not where my biggest problem lies.

It's these fucking feelings. These fucking feelings I can't control or feel guilty about.

What I feel guilty about is not feeling guilty about it. I should feel guilty for almost kissing another man. It walks the cheating line, something I promised myself I would never do under any circumstances.

"Sangster!"

"What?" I ask, focusing on the tire before me.

"Can I have the rest of your lunch?"

"Sure," I call back, "whatever."

Suddenly, I feel hands on my shoulders. The big hands lift me to my feet, causing me to drop the lug wrench. It clatters against the concrete. When I look up, I'm face-to-face with Mitch. His face is streaked with grease and sweat, and strands of his man-bun have come free from the elastic, tangling with his lashes. I would say he looks pretty rough, but I'm assuming I don't look much better so I keep my mouth shut.

"What?" I demand, aggressively brushing a hair out of my face.

Mitch tugs me over to a stool at the far end of the shop and sits me down. He points at me. "Something is wrong with you. You would never give up your lunch. What's going on?"

For a moment, I wonder if I should concoct a lie, but then I decide to toss it. I'm terrible at coming up with lies on the spot. Besides, Mitch is my friend – he wouldn't blab to James.

I sigh. "Do you remember my ex, Leon Saint-Laurent?"

Mitch nods thoughtfully.

"Well, he's back in town for the wedding. We had a discussion, and in ended with tension."

His eyes widen. "Did you guys bang?"

"What?" I ask, my nose wrinkling in disgust. "No. Ew. Are you kidding me? Who the hell uses that term, anyway?"

"I do," Mitch shrugs. "So, you kissed your ex. What's the big deal?"

I begin to twiddle my thumbs like a little girl waiting to be escorted into the principal's office. "I didn't kiss him. But I almost did, and I don't feel guilty about it," I whisper, ashamed of myself. "I should feel guilty, Mitch. But I don't. I keep thinking about Leon." A tear slips down my cheek. I wipe it away with a ferocity like never before. "God, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm getting married to James and I'm obsessing over Leon!"