UNEDITED
When Leon Saint-Laurent receives a wedding invitation in the mail, he soon realizes nothing's fair in love and life.
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Eliza is set on marrying James. She wants to step into a new chapter of her life. One where she can forget the past a...
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Eliza
I tell James and the rest of the gang to head down to the restaurant without me. He doesn't seem pleased with my decision, but when I elaborate and tell him I need time to make myself look presentable, he doesn't argue. He kisses my forehead before he leaves, commenting on how this is one of the biggest days of our lives. He tells me he's looking forward to seeing me in my dress for the rehearsal dinner. That he can't wait until this wedding is over and we're off on our honeymoon, planning our future together.
When the vehicles have disappeared down the driveway, I don't style my hair or do my makeup. I don't paint my toenails or change out of my jeans and sweatshirt. Instead, I sit out on the tire swing and try to make sense of Leon's words. If he had stuck around and given me a chance to speak, I would have argued and said my big heart carries more pros than cons. In a sense, it does—I'm empathetic, charitable, and have a good heart. But I can now see what he meant. I can see why my big heart is detrimental while also being beneficial. A paradox. I feel too much for others when I should be focused on my happiness and mental health.
Leon being right angers me, but it also puts me at peace. At least I've accepted the problem. At least I'm trying to find a way to fix said problem. Throughout the duration of my life, I've lived to please people, including my parents. The way they neglected me while I was growing up plays a big part in that. During my childhood, it seemed as though I could never do anything good enough for them. Nor could I make the right decision when it came to one of them trying to pitch me against the other. And they never failed to point out my mistakes. They never failed to manipulate me.
I think that's why I didn't protest when James said we're moving to Winnipeg after our honeymoon. And I think that's why Tenille has provided more input on my wedding than I have. I was terrified my decisions wouldn't be good enough for the people surrounding me. Rather than making myself happy, I've been making sure others are happy. I've disregarded myself, my wants and needs. As I nitpick my way through the course of my life, more examples appear. Aside from Leon, Tenille, and a handful of others, I've surrounded myself with people who don't care about my happiness and well-being. They only want to see the airbrushed version of me, and not the unbalanced, imperfect woman I love.
I think back to all the memories I share with Leon. Even now, after experiencing heart break and loss, he's had my back. He's always been beside me, giving me that extra push when I need it or comforting me when the storm is too much.
Speaking of Leon.... He left on his mountain bike three hours ago. He wanted to go on one more ride before he gathers his bags and heads for the airport. A strike of pain runs through my heart. He's leaving Whistler behind. He's leaving me. And I can't allow that to happen. Life has given us a second chance, and I'd be stupid to not take it.
I'm suspecting he went down to Saint-Sangster rock. I plan to go there after my first assignment has been completed. It's something I should have made clearer to James. And while I'm not happy I'll have an audience when I tell him, it's something that needs to be done before the day ends.
