amenity

chapter 17

yedam felt exhausted. two hours have passed since the incident from the classroom and he didn't have even a single moment to take a seat and calm himself down. his breath was weaker and faltered, he had puffy eyes and a red nose. his legs were almost numb from persistently standing next to yoshi's gurney when the boy was still unconscious. fortunately, the nurse assured yedam that his friend will be fine and lost consciousness presumably out of too many emotions and a sudden hit with the wall. he should wake up sometime soon, so yedam decided to stop guarding him to take a breath. he went outside the school entrance and decided to stroll, not going too far away since he wanted to come back to the nurse's office to check on his friend.

after getting some fresh air he surely felt better. he could finally order his thoughts, listen to his inner voice, try to consider what his mind was counselling him and what his heart had to say.

"it was all haruto's fault. you shouldn't have got acquainted with him in the first place." stated the mind.

"haruto never meant to hurt anyone, yoshi started bickering even if he knew that haruto was short-tempered and he could lose control at any moment." heart justified the one that it belonged to.

haruto has already possessed yedam's heart hence the boy was torn in between his head and feelings.

"this boy is dangerous, what if he hurts you next time? it is better to stay away from him."

"he is not dangerous, especially for you. he would never lay a finger on you. what's more, he would protect you from any threat."

yedam shut his eyes and covered his ears. he wanted this unreasonable quarrel to stop. he was helpless, he knew his mind might have the point here, but he couldn't just distant himself from the other.

haruto was the one he loved.

he slowly opened his eyes again. he wanted to head back to the school building and check if yoshi had awakened, but as he has turned around he bumped into someone.

it took him a second to realize that in front of him was haruto. his eyes were filled with palpable guilt and sorrow, even if he had his gaze on the ground.

"yedam hyung I... I don't deserve your forgiveness."

he said in a gentle tone.
the other felt a pang in his heart at that. he has never heard haruto's voice this sheepish and somehow deadpan.

"I promise to apologize to your friend later too. but first I wanted to say this to you." he was still looking down, yedam wished he could meet with the other's beautiful eyes. "I was suspended, I can't go to school for the next two weeks. my parents have already been informed of the incident, so probably I will get scolded by them soon. however, I know I acted like a jerk. even worse, but I do not want you to hear me bad-mouthing. I just wanted you to know that I did all because I didn't want to lo..."

there his voice broke down. he tilted his head back and winked rapidly. tears were already accumulated in his eyes, but he didn't want to show how pathetic he was in front of his yedam.

"I didn't want him to take y-you away. I didn't want to lose you." he rasped and let one tear slide down his cheek. "I am so sorry that I love you."

yedam's eyes became glossy as he watched younger slowly going away from him. he had a lump in his throat, he was too weak to shout "come back!" even if he wanted so desperately.

when he lost haruto from his sight, he burst into tears. his legs were wobbly and soon after he fell on the ground.

"he is a threat to you and your close ones."

"you love him, why can't you admit it?"

the quarrel began again, but this time with yedam's sobs in the background. 

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