A Hand, Lowering

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like keys hitting the floor

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like keys hitting the floor.

But how—

Could this all be a joke?

He's watching her, half-leaning on the ledge. His demeanor is unthinkably elegant, even at 7AM. Peeking out from under the lapels of his heather-gray wool coat is an expensive-looking white T shirt wtih a subtly rolled collar. His black jeans and leather sneakers are spotless. With his low-cut socks, his athletic ankles show from under the cuffs of his pants. It's only his hair that falls a bit messily over his eyes.

Even this early, he has to be so stunning! Kai thinks.

As her mind reels, puzzle pieces start to push into place on their own.

Lukas's serious, meticulous nature. His way of stepping back and letting things unfold—then swooping in when he wants change. Yes. Just like all those vines, left to grow on their own—but then gently guided to wind around their support cages when they'd started to lean too precariously to one side.

It all reminds her of the time he showed up to pick up his umbrella—that night Tom was in their common room. Lukas was laid back. But decisive.

It is him.

But how could he possibly know her plants were going to shrivel and yellow, unless he stepped in?

She looks at him with a million questions. With her eyes blazing so brightly, and her delicate neck hidden behind her cowled sweater, he feels a sort of stabbing pain in his chest looking at her.

Meanwhile, Kai catches herself almost trembling. Is the morning air really so cold!? She's so overwhelmed, she doesn't know if she should laugh or cry.

Questions. Disbelief.

And more than anything, plain old relief.

My plants—they're alive!

They're alive because of you!

As a breeze brushes across them, she shivers. Across the roof, he flips the collar of his wool coat up, so it breaks the wind. His smooth jawline is now hidden behind his coat. There's an impossible dignity to the way he stands. One corner of his mouth is slightly curled as he watches her—an almost smile.

She's thinking.

Lukas, you were there for them!

You were there for my plants!

You were there!

It doesn't matter how everyone else sees you—as a campus celebrity. A distant idol.

The only thing that matters is that you were there for them. For Barry and Lady Nina and the Delta Maidenhair and all the rest of them.

Suddenly, without thinking, she runs toward him.

Her head is still as empty as a vacuum and all she knows is that she's flying toward him. Closer, and closer—and then she's throwing her arms around his neck.

"Thank you," she breathes. "Thank you, thank you. Thank you."

In the moment, all she knows is that she's full of gratitude, and trying to let him know. But the scent of his aftershave moves through her and rolls in tidal wave after tidal wave of strange feelings.

The warmth of his breath in the crook of her neck...

No!

You can't. Don't let your feelings be controlled by magic tricks! Don't confuse gratitude and closeness with—

If you go there, you'll just be stung like a careless beekeeper. You'll end up spurned, and even more alone than before.

And so Kai removes her arms from around his neck. She moves to pull back from him.

But—she can't. She can't pull back.

Because his right hand has gently but firmly locked itself around her waist.

Only now does she notice: he's moved his hand down, imperceptibly, to the small of her back. Its pressure suddenly sends a jolt of ticklish electricity up her spine.

With a determined look, he's gazing downward into her open, flushed face—like he's straining to stop time until he can gauge her thoughts.

I'd meant it as a friendly hug! she's thinking, wildly. It feels like someone's frozen her mind with dry ice, then stuffed it tight with cotton balls.

Once again, she tries to pull back.

But her waist is pulled even more tightly against his. Lukas's stare has become so intent that a fly's buzzing wings could break the silence.

What's going on—

Is she imagining things... or is there longing that swirls in his eyes?

Is it possible that his feelings were stirred by magic tricks too!?

A memory surfaces:

"No, I did not fall for you that day," he'd said in her common room. They were sitting by the bay window, as a storm rolled toward New Haven from the distance. She'd read it as a warning to her.

Of course he didn't fall for me. He's an ice-cold battle strategist. He's immune to psych experiments. He doesn't make the mistake you're making. He doesn't mix up a gesture of kindness with love.

Kai's thoughts are getting wilder by the second. More and more muddled.

Maybe his hand's gone numb and fallen asleep?

Could it be a case of pins and needles? >_<

But then, as if to gently refute her theories, his other hand slowly moves around her back, too. She feels his fingers interlock right above her hips. And he's watching her, still.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Lukas breathes.

"It's November," he murmurs.

"What do you mean?"

"It's been such a hard year for you. A hard end, to a hard year."

This girl whom he's been inching closer and closer to, with strategic caution? Over the past year, she's been pummeled with such force by life's twists and turns. She's been beaten up, far more than anyone this important to him should be. It hurts him to think of it.

You need to hold back—a little longer. Just a little, for her sake, he tells himself. Just even a few hours, to give her time to think. Even though the pressure of their bodies against one another is filling him with an electricity that's harder and harder to control by the minute.

So he removes his hands from the small of her back. With the lightest possible touch, he pushes a strand of hair out of her forehead and curls it around her ear.


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🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱

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