guns and roses | h. sanzu

chapter 16 : strangers with memories

i left sanzu's mansion and like what he said, i'll be staying with the haitani's. my eyes were swollen from crying as i wash my face inside the bathroom.

if only i didn't told him that i love him, would things be different now? i would be staying in bed with him cuddling, watching movies, or listen to music at three am.

but that's better than lying, i did sacrificed my relationship with him even if it was just a game but i don't want to hide my feelings.

i flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling, ran told me to call him if i need anything and rindou was quiet on the way here but i'm grateful they treated me still the same as before.

someone knocked on the door and i can feel rindou's presence. i didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment but he keeps on knocking. i opened the door and he was holding a tray full of cookies and a bottle of milk.

"you're favorite." he smiled, after crying my comfort food will always be cookies and milk.

"you still remember?" i was about to accept the tray but he walked inside my room placing it on the small table.

"i happened to hear the conversation you had with sanzu. i didn't mean to eavesdrop but i was passing by then i heard it." rindou explained, to be honest i don't really care if anyone heard it.

"do you think i'm desperate?" i asked him, sitting at the chair in front of rindou and took a cookie from the plate.

"desperate? no, you're just in love and that's okay." rindou also took a cookie and dipped it in the milk.

"everything's over now." i stared at the milk, what do i do now then? i left all my things at sanzu's place.

"i'm still here, y/n." rindou reached out for my hands but i pulled it back.

if he plans to be my rebound it's not happening. i'm not gonna use him to forget sanzu. if i did use him, i feel like i'm cheating and i feel unfaithful.

"i mean what i said back then that if sanzu leaves you, i'll be taking you back." rindou knelt in front of me.

"in my arms is where you belong." he was about to touch my fave but i stood up.

"rindou, i don't like what you're plotting." i opened the door signaling him to leave.

"rindou, y/n is tired and she needs some rest." ran walked towards us.

"her wounds are still fresh, she needs to rest, and collect herself. these past few days she's been going through so much." ran looked at rindou and all his younger brother did was nod then he left.

"rindou just loves you so much that's why he's been acting like that. i hope you don't find my annoying, stay here as long as you like and i'll always help you when you need me. rest and be healthy because you need that now." ran smiled, i hugged him tight and said my thanks. he's still the big brother i had back then and he never changed.

it was already two in the morning, eyes were swollen as i read my messages with sanzu, looking through our pictures and videos. are all of these considered as memories now?

ran told me to get my things tomorrow at sanzu's place. i don't even know if i can face him but i need to do it.

i only slept for a few hours and i can't even open my eyes properly. ran was waiting outside, he'll be driving me to sanzu's place. i just wore a oversize shirt and shorts since i'm sure he won't be there.

the room was quiet, i brought a bag with me and i'll only be taking the things that i own. i won't be taking anything that sanzu gave me even clothes, shoes, and money.

i only had a few clothes since majority of what i own were bought by sanzu. getting all my clothes from sanzu's walk in closet, i stacked them up in my bag and when i was about to leave sanzu entered.

"i went h-here to get my things." sanzu was wearing his usual attire, he's going to continue his life the way it was before? good for him while i'm here eyes swollen.

"here's your money." he handed me a bag full of money. i walked passed him but he through it beside me right before i open the door.

"take it, it's for all of the things you've done in this game. you need to be paid since i kind of forced you to do all of those things." his voice was raspy, i looked at the bag remembering my intentions back then was about money.

"i wasn't forced to do a-all of those things. sleeping with you, taking care of you, cooking for you, and l-loving you.. i did all of those things because i wanted to.." i'm crying again, seeing him makes me want to hug him but i can't possibly do that.

sanzu knelt down in front of me and held my ankle. he took out a ankle from his pocket and put it on me. it was simple yet daring, it had the design of a gun and rose.

"do you still remember the second time we met?" sanzu started, please don't continue..

"i still can't forget how beautiful you looked that day. you were surrounded by flowers but you stood out the most." sanzu traced the design with his hands slowly.

"they told me that i will never have you because how can a florist fall in love with a man who holds a gun for a living?" sanzu laughed but his voice sounds sad.

"you were like that flower i picked up back then, you were beautiful as a rose, red suits you because of how loving, courageous, and passionate you are. just like a rose you were full of thorns-" sanzu didn't continued his sentence but instead he stood up.

"y/n, run away and get out of this place. go back to where you are from and start a life there. angels like you can't be with me, i'll only ruin the life you were fixing and the dream you've been reaching." sanzu walked away.

i caught a glimpse of him and it shattered my heart into pieces. his face was bruised up, his eyes were swollen, his hair messy, and his cheeks wet from his tears.

and just like that we're back to being strangers with memories.