guns and roses | h. sanzu

chapter 19 : where did it went wrong?

my eyes felt heavy as i entered the car with ran and rindou. we'll be visiting sanzu, i don't know what i'll be doing but my plan is to save him. it seems impossible but with bonten they'll do everything in their power to get sanzu back. they can pull strings easily but sanzu refuses to accept their help.

"from the information i got it says that sanzu went to his mansion near the beach. one of his enemies followed him there and then the police caught him. he didn't fought back and i think he knew that he was being followed but didn't care anymore." ran was the one driving.

"before yesterday morning, he fired everyone that worked under him. did he plan all this out?" rindou asked his brother.

"it's as if he knew that this was gonna happen and he took all the blame on himself. sanzu didn't want anyone to suffer with him, he wanted to suffer alone." wiping the tears that were falling on my cheeks, i can't stop crying and i'm tired.

"mikey is doing his job, everyone in bonten are now in action. we just need sanzu's cooperation in our plan but he refuses to accept it. y/n, talk to sanzu once we get there and i'm sure he'll listen to you." ran took a glimpse of me from the mirror.

the ride felt so long as i stared at the window this whole time. ran and rindou stayed behind since they'll be caught if they come with me. i got inside and the police guided me inside and called sanzu.

"sanzu haruchiyo! you have a visitor!" the police shouted and dragged sanzu out of his room.

my hands can't stop from shaking, i'm sweating, and my heart was about to come out. i stood up out of reflex when sanzu came inside the room.

he was shirtless, his body was full of bandages from here and there, his hair was already long and was tied in a low ponytail. i wanted to break the glass in front of us and hug him tight.

"y/n? why are you here?" sanzu's eyes widened l, did he really plan to hide everything from me?

"what happened? sanzu, tell me because i need to hear your story." there was a small hole in front of us and i reached out my hand. even if he can't hold my hand, i want him to know that i'm willing to listen.

"you're living a wonderful life already, why come here? do you know what you're getting yourself into?" sanzu was glaring at me.

"i don't care! just tell me what happened for the past years! i thought you were doing just fine then i suddenly saw on tv that you're in death row?!" my chest was rising, i feel so tired and i need to rest.

rest in his arms because that's my comfort place.

"i don't really know what happened.. where did it went wrong? everything was going well, i had everything in this world. then i lost bonten, i lost my power, and i lost you." sanzu's eyes were red, he's crying and my heart aches.

"i never really wanted to put you in my life because it'll only expose you in danger. i asked bonten if is it okay if i be selfish for once? i wanted to have you by my side. i had tough decisions wether i'll be selfish or let you go. there were sleepless nights where i wish i can give you the life you wanted. sleepless nights where i ask myself if i deserve you."

we were alone in the room, our voice and our sobs are the only thing i can hear.

"in the end, i had to let you go and put you in a place where you'll be safe. i realized that if i become selfish it'll only harm you and that wasn't what i wanted from the beginning. i made myself strong, wealthy, and powerful so that i can give you a future you deserve. i rise up to the top to protect you and that was my goal."

"where did it went wrong? i don't know and i can't seem to find the answer. i also want to be forgiven from all of the sins i committed and death is the only thing that can put me into peace-" sanzu looked at me as i stood up and punched the glass between us.

"it's okay to be selfish! it's okay to feel uncertain things! it's okay to commit sins because no one is perfect! sanzu, death isn't the only thing that can solve your problems. it'll only make your forget all of the pain, i was willing to be by your side even if it means i'll be in danger. that was one of the things i decided on my own from the beginning." the glass shattered and it gave me an opening to sanzu.

"i waited years for you to come back and i'm still waiting. we're going to save you but please accept our hands. we need you to cooperate sanzu, don't you want to live?" i slowly reached for sanzu's cheeks caressing it.

"i'll be fine, this wasn't the last thing i wanted to happen but i'll be fine." sanzu smiled, that smile that i haven't seen from years. it's that smile, the way the scars moved with his lips.

"then what about me? sanzu, what about me?! what will i do when you leave? do you think i'll be fine? do you think i'll just continue to live my life? that i must forget all of our memories together? sanzu haruchiyo! what about me?!" i couldn't catch my breathe anymore, i immediately leaned closer and pulled sanzu into a hug.

"you still have rindou." sanzu whispered beside my ear.

"i don't want him, you're the one i need.. let me help you for the first and last time." he still feels the same way as i remember. his body was warm and i never wanted to let go, i might never feel this again.

"the last thing that i wanted to do was to marry you, live a life with you, and make a family with you. i'll have a beautiful, loving, and caring wife.. but that's a future i failed to achieve." sanzu's tears were falling on my shoulders. his head was buried on my neck hiding his face.

we stayed hugging each other for a few minutes, i wanted seconds to turn into minutes, minutes into hour, and hour to forever. can we stay like this forever? it feels warm and it feels like home..

"this is where i belong.. sanzu, i belong in your arms." i didn't care if i was suffocating him because i was scared that this might be the last time.

"and i'll always welcome you with open arms.." sanzu forcefully broke the handcuffed and he hugged me tight.

"what will i do once you're gone? i only feel proud and confident when i'm with you. the world doesn't like me.." sanzu gave me a forehead kiss as he wiped my tears away.

"even if the world turns their back against you, just turn around and i'll be there. if you have no one to lean, turn around and i'll be your shoulder. if you have no one to wipe your tears, turn around and i'll be your handkerchief. if you have no one to protect you, turn around i'll be carrying all your burdens and all your pain. just turn around and i'll be here waiting for you, just promise me you'll be running into my embrace."

i felt sanzu's pair of lips on mine as he stood up to kiss me deeply. his tongue moved on it's way inside my mouth. sanzu's kisses were desperate and hungry as he jumped on to my side of the room. he carried me and wrapped my legs around his waist as he pressed my back on the wall.

i tried pushing sanzu away because i needed to breathe. i don't want to get caught but the thought of it makes me feel excited. sanzu's hands slipped inside my shirt and my hands pressed on his chest.

he broke the kiss and there was a string of saliva from our lips. my cheeks felt hot as i lowered my head, my breast are pressed on sanzu's bare chest. sanzu leaned his face closer and his lips close to mine barely touching.

"breathe, we still have a lot of time." sanzu whispered, i took a glimpse of him and he was smirking.

"time is up! sanzu haruchiyo-" a police officer came in but before he even stepped a foot inside the room, sanzu pulled out a gun and killed the man. it was a headshot and why was he hiding a gun all this time?

"don't you fucking interrupt my time with my woman."