guns and roses | h. sanzu

the end

looking back in the past, the things that were important for me were money and my dreams. i used people to earn money and i used money to earn my dreams because thats the only way to survive in this cruel world.

i can't study anymore because i don't have any money left to the point i had to work for money. i may be a desperate person but i promised myself not to do things that will hurt me.

"hey! you want money?!" an old man shouted while i was walking down the empty streets.

"you can sell your body for us! how about that?" i can hear them giggling behind me and before they can land a finger on me i took them down breaking their bones.

a heavy sigh left my lips as i went my way to our hideout. yes, i was already a member of the haitani brothers at this time.

closing the door, i fell on my knees covering my mouth to not let a sob out as tears started fo fall down my cheeks.

where did my promise go? i never wanted to bad things that can lose respect for myself but look at me now. i'm the partner of the haitani brothers, watching people get hurt, and sometimes plan our fights just for us to win and me to earn money.

i lost respect for myself..

my eyes widened when i felt a jacket land on my head. looking up it was rindou, he removed his gang uniform to cover me up. i tried to remove it but he kneeled down on his knees to match our height and ruffled his jacket on my head.

"w-what's with you?" my hands wiped the tears that won't stop falling but rindou did it for me instead.

"what's wrong?" his voice was soft, the tone of voice he uses when he talks to me.

i turned my head away biting my lower lip not to make a sound. rindou pulled me close to him, his hands holding the side of the jacket on my head, and slowly letting our foreheads touch each other.

"shhh.. it's okay just let it all out." i couldn't help it anymore but my hands automatically wrapped around him as my sobs filled the room.

he's my best friend and my source of strength back then but some people need to be left behind in order to take a step forward.

that's what i did, leaving rindou and ran wasn't easy but for my dreams that were blurry in my mind, i still did it.

but the real questions were, do i really have a dream? was i forced to have a dream? or was i jealous because other people have them?

"what am i even fighting for?"

that dream i always had wasn't specific, all i knew i had this dream in my mind that i wanted to reach despite not knowing what is really was.

i'm not afraid of using people anymore to reach that unknown dream i desperately wanted. that's why i'm using this criminal that i met for money with the stupid game he wished for.

back then, in my eyes he was just a criminal that wanted everything in the world. someone who doesn't really care about people, maybe he's heartless, maybe he's crazy, and maybe he's insane.

all of those thoughts in my mind and opinions about him changed after days, weeks, and months went by being with him.

he provided me everything i needed, everything i wanted, and everything i didn't even wished for. with the simple things he did like buying me clothes, cooking for me, coming home on time, and always being there for me. made me realize that maybe he's changing little by little.

as the time passed i realize i was falling in love but i keep on denying it afraid of what will happen again.

"are you okay?" i got lost in thought, sanzu was beside me showing the new clothes he bought for me.