A Queen's Survival Game

{} CH 1 {} "CAN I CHOOSE WHO DIES FIRST?"

I'd lost my mother just 4 months ago and now I stand in the middle of a room at my birthday. I am eighteen years old, the marriageable age, the age where I'm to be sold off like I am not a human who's been on this earth for 18 years.

Half the room wonders about me, stares at me, questions me and waits for me to say just more than every line my father the duke made me memorize. The other half waits for my downfall, to slip on my dress or laugh too loud at their tasteless jokes. 

It has me in deep thoughts how much things I could get done with the four hours I've been standing, smiling and cursing all of them under my breathe. I feel my tongue get heavy and head drowsy, but I stand there as still as the pillar my father stands nearby. Would it be so bad if it happened to fall on him, I would gladly sacrifice anything for him to disappear before me right now. Was my mom's suffering not enough? Not even her life was enough? 

Just when my gaze starts to wonder... He catches it and approaches me. The same man who's made it no secret that my only purpose is be married to some guy with higher status or to be sold to a whore house. He had always been upfront with me ever since I was old enough to show him the dislike on my face, how could I not, he treated my mother lower than women at a brothel.

That same man walks over to me, puts his hand gently on the back of my waist and smiles and recites all the little lies we live to everyone. The perfect lies that you couldn't suspect the things he does behind closed doors.

He pulls me aside a few minutes later and not to my surprise says my name with such ease you'd think we get along remotely. "Renaque , Lord Gastille is asking for you, he's important and for you to avoid him and make it obvious that you are avoiding him was not part of our deal." I stare at him blankly before I answer "our deal? Where in our deal did it say I'd let that big headed creep feel up my body? I'm sure you want to send me to the prince with a non complaint mouth so keep him away from me."

He stared at me long before he put his hand on my right shoulder and held it with such intensity, I thought a horse trampled over it. I made sure not to give him a satisfactory reaction to the pain he's making me go through. I smile at him and manage to get out a sentence I didn't think I could "I'm sorry, you do however need to know me... your most beloved and beautiful daughter being seen with the likes of him will add to the heat when I'm later with the prince right?".

He breathes out heavily and lets me go, he frowns enough for only me to notice and says, "go out for some fresh air, you're free to do whatever you want for the next few days, you've been on your best behavior tonight".

I almost cry at the confirmation that I am free to go out. On my way out I put up the best of my facade for everyone as the guards open the doors of the hall and some insist to go with me, I obviously say no and head out by myself to the farthest garden.

I usually liked the night; I'd always been cooped up in the room where my mom spent most of her time. Close to death any and every second. My father... well, he focused entirely on me because I was a threat to him, because he couldn't get rid of my mother, because whatever he did, I never broke my streak of being stubborn and against him. There were the nights where sometimes we laughed, and she told me how precious I was and I to her. It was the nights where sometimes we danced with no music and there was also the night where she passed away in my arms.

I walk around the long rows of beautiful flowers under the night with the moon almost blinding me, it disheartens me how I'm tired to appreciate anything in the world when clearly My mother told me to. Holding on for her is getting more complicated and thoughtful than I wanted it to.

Before she passed away I had not been eating or sleeping well, I was just there smiling and laughing with her because any moment she would leave me, I'd do the occasional barging in my fathers office to beg him for his presence that was worthless but she still wanted.