Little Girl Blue - 𝐖𝐋𝐖

𝐈. Philia- Nineteen

The door slammed. The house shaking with as much fury she carried. Echoing through the walls, present in the crack of the beams, felt in the grooves of my skin. I shuddered. What rage was manifesting? Spreading worse than a deadly disease, she, and maybe I, were both falling victim to.

She was gone longer than expected, leaving with as few words as she came in with. Her hair bouncing as she prowled through the space, jaw tight and locked. "What happened?" I adjusted my position, sliding my legs down from the armchair and sitting up as she approached. At the sight, my face fell, hers just as sour and twisted.

She sunk into the chair next to mine, allowing the cushion to swallow her whole. I paused, waiting for her to say or do something. When nothing came, I asked, "Did you get your meds?" She stayed silent, though I was able to catch a slight nod. Jane held up the crinkling white paper bag. "That's good, right?"

She shrugged her shoulders, staring ahead. "Jane you're scaring me." I finally spoke, "say something."

She peered over at me. A lifeless look clad over her jade orbs. I've seen them like this before, too often for my liking.

Clearing her throat, and doing her best to awaken her muscles, she sat up. Throwing her head against the pillow in angst. "My psychiatrist suggested I go back to work." She exhaled.

"You love teaching, what's the problem?" She seemed to be unenthused at the mention, readjusting herself if it were possible for her to get comfortable.

She looked over at me again. "There is no problem. She just thinks I could use a distraction."

"From what?"

"This house mainly. She doesn't think it's good being where my father used to be, something about retracing his steps and what not. Whatever," She waved her hands sporadically, "she doesn't think it's healthy."

I wasn't sure if my opinion was wanted. Jane had warned me about her lack of trust instilled in me and now more than ever had she become an enigma that cracked through bit by bit. "How do you feel about that?" I withdrew into my chair, keeping as much distance as the suffocating air allowed.

"I don't know." She paused, though it didn't seem like the moment was taken to think. "But maybe she's right," she eyed the ridges of the ceiling, some of the wooden planks stuck out from the wall in need of a repair. She sighed, "the school left my position open. I think come fall I need to go back. A distraction wouldn't be that bad."

"But there's a reason you left."

"Yes but now I have a reason to go back"

I closed the book on my fingers, setting it on the table near the empty pitcher of lemonade I had been sipping on all afternoon. "And you're okay with that?" I knew better than anyone else reasons change all the time.

Her head was cradled in her hands, the back of her palms mushing her eyes. "I can't not be. To control these attacks I have to get ahold of my situation. I can't do that in the same place that ruined me."

"What did he do, Jane?" I was afraid to ask, afraid of her answer.

"He died. Here." She shook her head, laughing almost, "I was a mess talking to the police. Nobody knew if it was suicide or natural. It just happened." She stared into space, "...here." She emphasized again.

I shifted, "that wasn't your fault, Jane."

"What if I told you it was. Would I be any less of a monster, then?" I stayed silent, unknowing of what to say. Another exhausted puff of air was let out. "So I'll go back. Work will be good for me."

I chewed the corner of my cheek, internally cursing myself. "Running away from your problems will do you no good."

"You ran away from your problems and it got you here. Running can't be that bad."