Little Girl Blue - 𝐖𝐋𝐖

𝐈𝐈. Eros - ThirtySeven

Florence

"Can you sit down please?" She just couldn't stop pacing. She was fuming, and passing the bottle to and from her lips along with her free hand that gesture's every foul word she had to say. In the car she was so calm. I thought we would come back, undress,  and go to bed like nothing happened. There would be no discussion about what we both saw, and we would assess what we came here to do sometime tomorrow.

But no.

She wanted to throw a quick fit and drink and pace. I lost count of how many times she traced the room. The environment being no help, and quite frankly, neither was I.

I believe I've seen her have multiple episodes thus far and I was beginning to think this was the start of one of those.

She took another swig and stood firm against the wall. "How could I possibly sit right now?"

I planted my hands against the mattress. We were staring each other down from across the room. But I wasn't giving up, "Can I at least have the bottle?"

It's not like it didn't already do what she wanted it to—and then some, if she drank anymore she'd be hovered over the toilet and then this really would be a full circle moment for us in this house.

To my surprise, she complied, almost as if she didn't want it anymore, just waiting for permission to put it down. She still wouldn't sit, but at least the pacing stopped.

Placing the large bottle at my foot I crossed my legs and wrist trying to decide what to do from
there. I was expecting to have to put up a bit of a fight, honestly. "Why don't we take a shower?" I hummed, rising from my position and confronting the older woman. Her eyes were softened and glassy, jaw and lips incredibly slack.

"I would love to if I wasn't impaired right now." She swallowed.

I grabbed her fingertips and spun her carefully. I realize how vulnerable she looked, how her rage became sorrow. She didn't want to drink but she had no way to alleviate the pain I could see she felt. "That's why I said we, babe." I needed to hold her before she fell apart. For completely selfish reasons I wanted her to be strong enough for the both of us despite how big of a responsibility that is to put on someone who's s compromised. But I made the decision to be with her, I earned some privilege to maneuver how this relationship would go. And this time I wasn't taking any answers I didn't like.

Moving to the bathroom was tough. I too was compromised in a completely different way.

Each flare felt like a burning fire in every part of my bones. Coming in waves and has ever since I was diagnosed. As a child, my parents would have to just let me crawl around when it got bad.

And now it's worse.

And I was foolish to believe this wouldn't happen eventually. Just when things get good, I had to go on and test death.

It's a hard fight but praise be to God I've always manage to win. But one of these days it will get to me, especially because I refused treatment long before my venture to Walbank.

Jane not knowing was a good thing. Even though I knew that was a lie I had been telling myself that for so long I started to believe it. She couldn't take much more and I would not add to the pressure already hot on her shoulders. She needed to be loved and whatever I had left in me I wanted to give to her.

As hard as it was to get her to cooperate, she striped herself and stood cold and trembling while the water warmed. Her gaze stayed averted on her toes, the tile was chill and could honestly use a dusting. I dropped my fingertips to my own shirt and when she took notice, swiftly turned her back.