Alex's Girl [Lesbian]

Chapter 12

I felt bad for how quickly I had left Alex alone but I didn't want her to see just how much I had been affected by the knowledge of my mother possibly still being alive. I knew Alex would hold me, run her hands through my hair, say things that made so much sense I'd probably wonder what I was so upset about...

But I couldn't take such comforts from her anymore, could I? I didn't want... to make things harder than they already were. We had already had sex—sort of. I wasn't sure if that's what she considered it, I knew women that wouldn't consider what we had done sex, but I knew I did. I wouldn't ask her though, that would be embarrassing.

I was going to leave. I had spoken to Angela about it and she had agreed to take me in. She didn't know the whole plan. I had only told Angela that I didn't want Alex to look for me in Arizona, and me being with Angela would ensure she wouldn't. Angela didn't know the other half of the plan—me leaving not for Arizona but for back home instead. When Nico picks me up it will be for the Greco Estate, not for the airport.

I would stay with Alex three more nights and then have Angela pick me up the next morning. I'd stay with her for a day, and then make the arrangements with my father the next. Then I'd be returning... home. It didn't feel like home.

Alex felt like home.

Again I remembered that moment in her bar, her body on mine, her fingers teasing me, the look she was giving me... like she was going to devour me completely. I felt my body heat up all over again, and pushed the thoughts aside. That had been a potentially unforgiveable thing. If I knew I wouldn't be staying, why did I let that happen? Wouldn't that make things worse? But I already knew why I let it happen.

I knew it'd be my only chance... and who could resist Alex, anyway? I certainly couldn't. I knew the second I saw her again I'd instantly wrap my arms around her, bury my face in her neck, and cry, even if I knew I shouldn't. So even if I thought these things, even if I knew I shouldn't continue attaching myself to her, I was going to anyway. I could do the right thing and slowly remove myself from her, like one would surgically remove a non-vital organ. Or I could continue to do the wrong thing. If I continued acting around her the way I wanted to our parting would be like cutting off my own arm. The pain would be unbearable but at least it would be worth it, at least I'd know I got to enjoy my final days with Alex to the best of my ability, even if the resulting fallout left me shivering and scarred.

I had told her I'd be gone for ten minutes, but I'm sure it had been thirty by now. There was snow on the ground and it was coming down harder and faster. Each passing minute seemed to add another layer of snow. I knew I'd have to head back soon—Alex was probably worried—and if it kept snowing like this I'd be soaked when I returned. I kind of wish I had listened to her when she had begged me to take a jacket. I was surprisingly not cold, or maybe I was already numb.

I felt content, sitting there in the silence surrounded by only snowfall. The tears had since stopped flowing, though I think the cold wind had frozen them to my face. I had no idea where I was, all I knew was that I was a few blocks away from Alex's house, sitting on a low rock wall, and staring out across the empty, snow covered street. There was a street lamp above me, but the light was dim and looked like it had seen a few too many snowstorms. It was beautiful, really, this neighborhood. The houses were all small and very similar, all close together with Christmas lights already on them, like a village of gingerbread houses.

The snow seemed to pick up again, and I was happy that there was at least no chilly wind. It was always the winter wind that made it seem colder than it actually was.

Again my mind drifted to my mother. Had she run away? Did she know my father was still keeping tabs on her? Does she wonder about me? Does she hope I look for her? Should I look for her? When would I even be able to do that? How did she get away from being a Greco? Did they negotiate, with her being able to leave as long as she left me behind? Or had she wanted to leave me behind, in which case I had nothing to be upset about, as that would mean she wouldn't and couldn't have loved me anyway? It would've been nice though, having had someone who loved me growing up. My father used to tell me he did, but I never believed him. His actions always proved otherwise.