Watching Over You • Nomin

epilogue

“Over my dead body,” Jaemin said, walking away from the conversation. “I don't understand the issue! You're always asking me to hang out and now it seems like you just want to lock yourself in the house,” he added. Jeno looked away and didn't say anything.

Jaemin didn't understand the issue with him. Jeno seemed so inconsistent with his moods. He didn't seem to hang out with anybody and isolating himself made both of them anxious. “And no, no libraries,” Jaemin said, shaking his head.

“It was just one time, just once! Why would you assume it would happen all the time?” Jeno argued.

“Because you would be alone. Again. And you always get panicky when you're alone.” Jaemin replied. 

Jeno remained quiet. “You are acting like her...you know?” he added softly.

Jaemin's shoulders dropped.  The way he said it made him feel like a piece of his heart was ripped. 

“And we always hang out after your last exam,” Jeno added.

“We are hanging out after my last exam… I didn't say no to it.” Jaemin replied, coming towards him. “Mark Hyung is hanging out with Chenle at the basketball court, you can join them if you want to…”

“I don't want to talk about what happened in the past with Chenle's friend. It still...” Jeno paused, shaking a little bit. “It still sends shivers…”

“Well, the whole thing is pretty much censored among us, I'm pretty sure he's as disgusted as we are. I mean, she isn't any different than the one you knew,” Jaemin said.

Noticing Jeno still trembling, he offered him a hug which Jeno accepted.

“You can trust Chenle and Mark,” Jaemin said.

“Yeah, I know…” Jeno said, burying his head in his shoulder.

“Hey, look at me, I'm sorry.” Jaemin apologized, holding his shoulders. “It kinda makes me anxious when you're alone, I don't mean to sound like I'm commanding you. Please don't look at me that way...”

“Yeah…” Jeno mumbled and gave him a soft smile. 

When Jaemin was done with his final exam he saw Jeno waiting in the parking lot.

“Independence,” Jaemin exclaimed, stretching out his arms to offer Jeno a hug.

“Happy Independence day?” Jeno laughed, hugging him.

When they reached home, Jeno was already mad at the topic Jaemin brought up.

“I'm not fucking mental. Why can't you understand?” Jeno fumed.

Jaemin sighed. “We have more than a week until our next semester starts. You can just try one meeting with the doctor. Just one.”

“But I'm okay!” Jeno argued. But he knew he wasn't.

Getting scared of everything around him and every little sound in the house, no he wasn't okay. Screams of random people and loud noises, sirens made him feel overwhelmed.

He wasn't okay when he had to talk to people he didn't know or when he had to walk in the crowd.

People coming out of nowhere and greeting him didn't make him feel okay, the stares in the crowd at random didn't make him feel okay, or even going to the basketball ground to play with his best friends didn't make him feel okay.

The doorbell in his house terrified him and panic attacks while he was alone or in the crowd made him lose the hope of getting back into himself.

The chills and shivers every time someone mentioned Jiya's name didn't make him feel okay.