gift or curse (A Twilight fanfiction)

Chapter 1

The most defining thing that changed when I became a vampire, was time.

At first, time seemed to flow just as fast as usual, or faster, especially in the first few days after I was turned. When the excruciating pain ate at me from the inside and there was nothing I could do about it, except wait and scream. What it meant to be turned I learned very quickly after my assumed creator told me why he had taken my life away.

"Control yourselves!" he had shouted, amidst the terror. "There is a war coming and I need you to fight for me."

It had scared me so much, that, even though my lust for blood nearly drove me insane, I was able to run away from him and hide far, far away. My legs, that suddenly seemed to be made of nerveless steel, carried me, without pause, into the deep forest of Canada. The blood lust had to be sedated, but there was nothing around me, but animals. Their heartbeats a steady rhythm, until they became aware of me. Even though I knew what had been expected of me, I had not yet tasted human blood and I quickly found that animal blood also eased my thirst. It smelled awful at first, but there was nothing else around and I had to drink.

"I am so sorry", I murmured at the deer that lay at my feet. My new voice sounded sweet, like a lullaby. Not belonging to the monster that I had become.

In the days that followed, I discovered the gifts that my new life - if you could call it that - had to offer. Incredible speed and perfect vision were among them and I taught myself to stay away from areas where people came. Humans, as I came to call them, feeling I was no longer one myself.

Under the thick cover of leaves and branches, I learned that I could not cry over the family I had lost. My eyes would burn, but no moist ran through tear ducts. Instead I imagined myself crying when rain poured over my marble skin. That was now the only way I could solidify my grief when thinking about my parents, who would never really know what had happened to their daughter so far away from home, and my little sister. Even though the memories were somewhat dim, they still hurt.

All of a sudden, my quest to discover myself within the short period of time I had between studies, had turned into a lifelong sentence to do exactly that. And I did. I learned things I never knew were inside me. Like patience. It had been my plan to visit all the familiar places like Niagara Falls, drive on the Road to Hana, visit the White House, go to Disney World. My wallet had been filled to the brim from working all summer, now it seemed I had worked in vain.

How was I ever going to walk across the streets of New York City like this?

I became a creature of the forest, a hunter, never a prey. Never alone, but often so lonely I ran to the brink of a city, only to hastily turn away, after smelling the blood of so many humans. It took me a few years, until I was certain enough that I would not kill an innocent, but by then all searches for me had seized. I was sure my parents had grieved for me, by an empty grave in Greece, but I would not go there to check. They would not understand, because one other thing I had learned about myself was that I did not change. I would forever be twenty-one.

---

The first time I dared to be among people, was five years after I was turned. Saying goodbye to my forest was difficult, but it was time for me to learn about what it meant to be a vampire. I was sure it had to be more than merely having perfect senses. The critters in the soil beneath my bare feet no longer had any secrets for me. I could hear the ants carve out their tunnels, I could see every single hair on the back of a bumblebee. Anything larger than a mouse fled from my present, so I contented myself with watching my new pets.

I named all two thousand three-hundred and eighteen butterflies that I observed, learned more about beetles than any masterclass in Biology ever could teach me and even the underwater world came to life in the icy lakes that men left alone.

However no matter how lovely a tomopteris plankton was, it had one major flaw: it couldn't talk to me. It couldn't alleviate the need for contact that, in the end, burned fiercer than my thirst ever could. And so I left.

My choice of location had some risks, but it was the only place I knew there could be others like me. After all, it was the place where I had been bitten.

In the middle of the night, I raided a store to replace the scraps of clothing that had barely covered me the past years. A simple blue dress with long sleeves and some leggings were all I really needed. But when I was outside again and realized people would stare if I went out like this in the fall, I hurried back inside and took a coat, shawl and cap. Boots might also be a good idea, so I grabbed a black pair. Figuring my money, that lay idle in my old bank account, would one day end up in the system, I didn't feel too bad about taking the items. Life had dealt me this card, but it hadn't provided me with clothes as indestructible as my skin. The only thing I destroyed was a lock, by the time the alarm had blared two seconds, I had left the building again. Security camera's wouldn't be able to see a thing, I was too fast for them to catch.

Hidden in my new disguise, feigning a cold I didn't feel, I boldly enveloped myself in the rich, warm flavor of human beings. I steered clear of them as best as I could and held my breath if it became too much, yet I soon found out I could manage. My respect for all life was profound enough to always keep in mind that these people were not prey. They were mothers and fathers, like my own. Sisters and brothers, uncles, cousins, grandparents, like those I had left behind.

I took a deep breath. Then my search began.

Only to come up empty handed.

No matter where I looked, how much I sniffed the air and how long I waited, Seattle seemed to be void of vampires. Where was the one that had created me? Had he died in the war, he had known was coming? If that was the case, I was glad I had left. If the many screaming, struggling and fighting new vampires that I had seen for a blink of a second, were indeed all dead, I was happy not to have fought with them.

But then the question arrived, whom had they fought? And where were those adversaries now?

I set off to the neighboring towns. One by one I searched them, looking and listening, until, finally, I caught a scent.

---

The little town was called Forks and it seemed innocent enough, except for the fact that next to the flowery smells of immortals, there was a nasty odor that almost made me leave again. I kept to the forest, carefully keeping my clothes in one piece. They were comfortable and I didn't want to steal again. I stayed away from the houses and looked everywhere, until my presence finally became known.

Not by other vampires, but by a wolf that could impossibly be a wolf. It was much too big and it looked at me like I was prey.

I frowned. Up till now, all animals had run away from me. Catching them was easy, but none remained standing like this enormous monstrosity. My brain told me I should run away very fast, but after living in the forest for years, being somewhat of an animal myself, I could not bring myself to run.

Very slowly, I opened my hands and said: "I am not going to hurt you. Can you understand me?"

The big, brown wolf didn't move, not even his ears.

"I think you can. You are not afraid of me."

Talking after such a long time of silence ought to have had some effect on the throat, but the sound of my voice was still as lovely as ever. I grimaced, would humans be able to hear the alienness of my pitch? Like everything else about me, it was perfect. Clear and sweet, with nothing of the normal hints of groggyness, or the slight hoarse tone too many throat aches had given me in the past.

Should I ask if he could help me? The idea seemed ridiculous, on the other hand, the animal didn't seem so surprised to see me and if he was intelligent, he must know that I was no human. My smell should give me away at least. No sweat.

Figuring it couldn't hurt, I asked: "Can you show me others like me?"

This time, the wolf responded. His ears moved back and forth and he softly whined. But his paws stayed in one place and soon I found out why. Two other massive wolfs appeared at his sides, but these two were a lot less silent.