gift or curse (A Twilight fanfiction)

Chapter 10

When my hands started pulling on the fabric of the heavy gray coat he wore, he grabbed them and slowly stepped back. A very deep sigh left his lungs as he looked me over and I could clearly see the longing and regret that he couldn't kiss me again.

"I need to go", he said, his voice rough. "I will be back within a week."

There was a question in that sentence that clearly stated: will you be here? There was nothing else I could do than nod and he relaxed. At the very least we needed to talk about this. What it meant, if it even meant anything. A week had seemed long when I was human, but for a vampire, even one with my limited experience, it sounded like an eternity. Where had my independence gone?

He kissed me one last time, quickly and softly, and then left.

At human speed I picked up the outfit he had dropped on the floor. The dress was beautiful. A rich burgundy with lace in the color of steel wool. Like the lapels of the coat he wore. A possessive emotion spiraled through me as I put it on. Did he pick this dress on purpose? The texture beneath my overly sensitive fingers was like nothing I ever felt before. It probably cost more than any months wages I ever made.

After I fixed my hair with my hands I looked around. Was there anybody hiding behind the shelves? Snickering, or perhaps aghast? How many passionate embraces had been given in here over the years? How many by him?

My weak lingering human mind felt jealousy towards all women with whom he might have shared this, or other things. My more realistic side told me that in a thousand years, he could have hardly held this kind of passion back. I would not ask him. It did not matter.

A large, gilded mirror ensured me there were no traces of passion left in my countenance. If there ever were any. No flushed skin, no swollen lips. At most a little too wide eyes with a little too much sparkle. I would stay away from people until I was sure I was composed again.

The next few hours I spent walking down empty corridors, admiring the art, wondering who actually lived here and where they were right now. Could I go to the large hall, uninvited? Should I find someone to point me in the direction of something to do? After hours of meeting no one I halted and sighed. This was going to be a very long week.

---

Deliberately walking as slowly as possible, I retraced my steps back to the library. His smell of honey and cinnamon lingered everywhere I went and caused turmoil inside my stomach. I needed to control myself, for all I knew this was just a one time thing he didn't wish to repeat. Even though his last expression told me otherwise, I had to be careful. After all, I had no idea if a stone heart could heal from breaking.

The library was not empty this time. The youngest of the three ancients now sat in the Queen Anne chair Demetri had been sitting in. I felt anger at his disruption of my perfect memory, but then I saw the deep creases in his brow and felt sadness. It had made me wonder before, what had happened to this man that had caused him to appear this heartbroken? For that it was more than mere boredom, I could instantly tell.

He didn't look up, as I came close, so I coughed to a non existing itch. "Excuse me, is it okay if I joined you?"

The response was a slow nod.

I quickly scanned the nearest books, picked one and sat down in the opposite chair.

The book was quickly finished, but as I moved to get another one, the young ancient finally looked up.

With a soft, raspy voice, he said: "I am glad the execution did not scare you away. These things are not pleasant, but they are ..."

"Necessary?" I offered.

"Yes", he breathed.

"It would have been nice if someone had prepared me for it, but I guess I understand." The first shock of the judgment had been completely washed away by the events afterwards, so there was no horror in my mind now, as I thought about it. Imagining that newborn rampaging an innocent village was a thousand times worse.

A few moments of silence filled the air between us. Little specks of dust whirled around us as we moved the air by speaking.

"I am happy for you and Demetri."

My wandering eyes flicked back to his. He didn't look happy, but that was not what amazed me. How did he know? Was there some vampire equivalent to the afterglow that I couldn't see? Shame burned my face, even though there was no blood that could turn it red.

A minute smile crept up his face, causing the brittle skin to crease. He probably didn't smile very often.

I was relieved when he explained himself. "Like Aro, I too have a gift. I can see the bond between people, even before they understand it themselves."

My eyebrows shot up. That's a strange gift to have. But then I pondered on the meaning of his actual words. The bond between people ...

"You are surprised. Do you not feel it? The pull? The want to be near him?"

My eyes moved away from his. I felt embarrassed, but also strangely glad. It was the conformation I had wanted. The insurance Demetri would come back to me. Because it was mutual, wasn't it? It had to be.

I looked back and nodded. His small smile came back, it made him seem more like a big brother, albeit a royal one.

It gave me courage to ask: "Excuse me, may I ask your name?"

At that he almost laughed. "Forgive me, I had forgotten how little you know. My name is Marcus."

He took a deep breath, as if so much talking caused him much effort. "Aro you know and my third brother is called Caius."

His readiness to supply information, emboldened me to ask more. "Are they really your brothers? You look so different."

He shook his head in a slow fluent motion, it was even slower than how a human would move. Perhaps a heavy mind did that to a vampire. "We call ourselves that, we live as a ... family. I guess only Aro could be called a real brother, after I married his sister."

The smile disappeared and was replaced by an intense sorrow that instantly made me want to cry.

"What happened?" I whispered, almost too afraid to broach the subject.

"She is lost to me."

The answer came as a breath of death and after that I dared not ask another question. Marcus closed his eyes and tuned everything out and I quietly stood up to leave him be. I instantly understood why he always looked so sad and broken. He had lost his wife.

If their relationship had been anything like the brief passion I had just shared with Demetri, I could perfectly understand how he would be miserable for the rest of eternity. It made my heart constrict. The pain must have been immeasurable.

A few more books filled my head with knowledge of plants and animals native to this part of Italy, but then I left the library. The atmosphere was simply too grim.