gift or curse (A Twilight fanfiction)

Chapter 31

We sat in silence for a long time, until finally Demetri opened the car doors, pulled me out and took me upstairs to the bathroom. I knew my eyes were empty as he drew me a bath and undressed me gently. I didn't dare to look at him, afraid of what I might see.

His actions spoke of no anger, but he must be a little upset with me, right? If I had stayed by Aro's side I could have ordered anyone away who tried to hurt us. I could have ...

"I should have been there." My whisper was barely audible. The strange perfection of my altered voice irritated me, I should sound broken.

"Come." Demetri took my hand and led me into the water. I hadn't noticed he had taken of his clothes as well. The bathtub was large enough for the both of us and as he sat behind me, the hot water burned my icy skin. I welcomed the strain.

His strong arms surrounded me, muscles reminding me of his fight with the newborn vampire. I tensed.

"Relax, agapitós" came his soothing voice near my ear.

I tried, but I wasn't quite ready yet to discard the blame.

I saved three children, but four of our kind were lost because of that. At least, that is what my troubled mind told me. I couldn't even think about all the men and woman that had died. Either by becoming monsters or being killed by those monsters.

I knew that no matter what I would say, Demetri would contradict it, so I remained silent.

After a while, his hand began to move, first up and down my arms. His lips pressed soft kisses on my shoulder, pushing my damp hair out of the way with his nose. If I could have, I would have gotten goosebumps all over my skin, instead I closed my eyes.

His left hand cupped a breast as his right stroked down my thighs. I didn't want to relax. I didn't want to feel better. I wanted to feel every bit of guilt I thought I deserved, but his movements made it impossible not to enjoy myself.

However, before I got too carried away, I turned. The thin lines of his lips parting a little as he took in my frantic look.

"How can you ignore this?" I asked, desperation distorting my voice.

"Ariadne-"

"Because I can't. I've seen so many terrible things these last few days and I don't even want to be able to process it, but there is so much space in my mind. I can think about every tiny little detail and it fills me with so much horror. And you, you just sit there and ask me to relax and go back to how things were, but I can't."

I was on my knees, his feet on either side of me. He leaned forward, but didn't touch me.

"I know this is difficult for you. Your life has been so sheltered, so normal and all of a sudden you are thrown into this messy half life and you didn't even chose this." He collected himself and continued a bit more composed: "I know you feel guilty, but what happened is not your fault."

"Isn't it?" I made to object, but this time he grabbed my wrists.

"It's not. You came here to learn the rules, you heard them. Vladimir and Stefan broke those rules and in doing that, caused a lot of trouble. All that has happened is because of them. I am sorry you got caught up in the process, but you knew my role in all of this."

"So, you're saying I should have stayed at home? Not come along at all?"

"If you had, I'd have been dead by now." He spoke those words very softly, immediately vaporizing my angry outburst.

Seeing that energy leave me, Demetri sat up on his knees as well and took my face in his hands. The water dripped from his fingers, catching the light that shone through the windows before they were engulfed by the small waves his movement created on the surface.

"Let it go", he whispered. "All of it. The guilt, the anger, the pain. Don't hold on to it, it will destroy you." His lips barely touched mine as he continued: "You saved my life, again and again. You did good. So much good, even for those that are unworthy. If you hadn't come along, many more would have died."

This time his lips lingered on mine a bit longer. He moved slowly, pulling me more upright, so our bodies aligned. I trembled and his arms wrapped around me.

"I cannot promise you this will never happen again. This chapter isn't even over yet."

My eyebrows raised as he leaned back a little to look at my reaction.

"They are still out there. I have to find them."

A shock jolted through me. He was right. The Romanian vampires could cause the same amount of trouble all over again if they weren't stopped. And my Demetri was the only one who could find them. No matter how much it frightened me, I already new that, again, I would not stay behind.

"Let me make you feel better", he coursed me with his velvet voice, one hand following the curves down from my collarbone, between my breasts, to my navel.

His charming smile, tilted head and slightly raised eyebrows took away the last bit of protest that still lingered in my mind. I exhaled and he grinned victoriously as he stood, picked me up and carried me to the bedroom.

---

Inside the Volturi manor everything was quiet. I guessed everyone needed some time to recuperate, or perhaps they didn't and things just went back to normal for all of them. Demetri and I walked over to the large room, where Aro awaited us.

What he had to say, however, startled me.

"We have received a somewhat surprising message from our dear friend, Carlisle."

I looked sideways to Demetri, who cocked his head as if to listen for something only he could hear. Perhaps he did. Considering his gift worked with sound waves none of the others could hear.

Aro waited for him, like a teacher encouraging his pupil to figure out the answer on his own.

"They are in Alaska?" Demetri finally stated with a questioning ring to his voice.

"Yes, the family now resides in Petersville. Carlisle was concerned for the safety of his family. I doubt he would have called otherwise." The sneer on Aro's face made me uncomfortable.

"It seems our old enemies took refuge there. Hoping to do more damage, no doubt."

Caius, as always sitting on his throne, looking arrogant, didn't waste many words in giving his order. "Find them and kill them."

Marcus, as if he felt he too had to be involved, almost drawled: "Let this be finished, once and for all."

Demetri lifted his chin, nodded once, looked my way and motioned for me to follow him. We went directly to the gym, where he picked up Felix. Jane and Alec were the next ones on his list and though I didn't like the idea of traveling with those two, I knew they were the best choice.

We ran to the airport and it almost felt like deja vu when we boarded the small aircraft.

Demetri had filled the others in on our mission and then there was nothing other to do, but sit and wait.

I tried to ignore Jane, but every now and then my treacherous eyes looked her way. When they did, she shot daggers at me. Some small part of me wanted to ask what her problem was. Did she just dislike me this much because of my eyes? We had fed during our run to France. It pained me to call what they did: hunting, though in fact that was exactly what it was. The lingering scent of human blood had caused my throat to burn when Demetri had returned to my side. He'd been very considerate in not kissing me right after that.

Perhaps she blamed me for the losses we suffered in Romania, just like I did. Or was she jealous of me for some reason? I couldn't imagine what about, though.