[A few entries fly by, it's been two weeks since the last major update. The handwriting here seems to be incredibly shaky, with multiple spots scratched out throughout the page. A sidenote reads: Prep tomorrow morning - Do not fail this time - We are a team, you're not alone anymore]
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YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF A NIGHTMARE TODAY WAS. I want to SLEEP but all I feel is RAGE and DISAPPOINTMENT. Towards myself, obviously, nobody deserves my fist in their jaw aside from me and that DAMNED MOTH- Right, I should probably bring up the context for this...
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We got a surprise mission in the middle of another big dinner. It's only been two weeks since the last one, yet there we were basking in more future leftovers... Living like kings for no real reason, it seems. At least it was a party for a short period, Seers' know we needed the soft blow to our egos.
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Anyway, so the mission was to help someone solve a big issue that completely cancelled a concert Katsuo and Caelum were looking forward to. A stack of dominoes if I ever did see one! So, everyone present at dinner all rushed off to go help this pop star entrepreneur save her city or whatever. If I wasn't on the verge of snapping my pen in half, I would write in FULL detail how much I was fascinated by the place! Completely digital, holograms everywhere AND the Heartless kept rebooting it by frying the electrical connections. The best part? A sidewalk made out of piano keys!! All held together by an idol known as Hatsune Miku. Never heard much of her, although I think I recall Theo being a fan... Regardless, it was a little more high tech than I was expecting. I digress though.
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Miku had a hard time with the bad connections, but she gave us some basic helpful info and sent us on our way. We ran after the Heartless, cornered it at a retail store, got into a fight with some Heartless possessed hologram exoskeletons - wild, right? I thought every one of them we fought were so cool, but every time I tried messing with them they shut off. [An angry face is doodled here.] - Simon almost flooded us all with a giant whale, but a reset saved us all from a watery grave! The light run to escape wasn't half bad, might have almost been humbling for the nightmare that comes later.
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Our next task was to find the other holograms, destroy their power sources and shut them off so we could corner the Heartless again, and like the big brained lass I am I took a picture of the map! Simple city grid system, with only one trip we needed to take by train, at least we didn't know that until we got to that point. First source was in the basement of an arcade, Caelum and Katsuo took a shortcut by punching a hole through the floor. Himbos, the both of them. Second was by a sports field and the whole team worked together long enough to take out the holograms there. This will never happen again, I guarantee, so don't get your hopes up. Third source was outside the auditorium, which is where our train ride came in. I took THE fattest power nap on the way there, ain't no way I was about to stumble into battle looking like an exhausted mom!
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We finally took out the Heartless, and you'd think that would be the end, and we'd all go home to sleep. However, I'm here to disappoint 24/7, so that means telling you straight out: it's not. We went into that auditorium on a trail of distant music, expecting an Odūn Goon, obviously, but most of us were overconfident, which I'll get to why that's terrible soon.
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So, we've had a harpy, a bear, and a rabbit so far, right? What could be next? Well, what was next was a moth, and this moth is an absolute jackass, let me tell ya. He TARGETED Ib outright, and it threw us all into utter chaos, myself included. Completely disorganized, as least some of us were working strategically there. Not me by any stretch, I will wholeheartedly admit.
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The target on Ib's back pissed me off to the point where teamwork wasn't working for me anymore. I wanted this asshole dead. I hadn't experienced that kind of rage since the last I fought Axemera... I'm usually so much more controlled, what was wrong with me??? The first time I blacked out during that fight was after he threatened Ib's life. I could've been asleep or maybe ended up like Amaii... but part of me thinks something else happened like back in Hyrule with the out-of-body experience fighting the little brat. I felt like I was overheating on top of all the magic-induced pains, it was awful. Seers almighty, I wish I knew what was happening with me...
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I've found that casting Reflect makes it feel like I'm getting stabbed in the hands by glass, and the last time I tried to use it to protect someone during this mission I got my ass handed to me. In hindsight, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, I was reckless and infuriated, but the moment I tried to be rational by trying to keep someone standing, I got blasted by the most painful swarm of light orbs I've ever experienced.
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The sleep was welcoming though. I had this incredibly nice dream that felt so real I thought I died. Tobias was there! We hung out in one of our favorite clearings and talked a while about nothing, just reminiscing and catching up. I think that was the happiest I had been in a long while, no offense to the Army or anything. Something felt off about being there, though. If I wasn't dead or dying, why did I see them? Why did we sit there as if they weren't dead? ... I'm worried, but I don't want the others to know yet. It feels like a warning of some kind, maybe a vision of the future, though I doubt that. What really got me was what they said before I woke up: "You should go. Your friends are waiting for you. Better not keep them waiting or they might lose another light too soon!" They wouldn't know that at all unless they pried through the past losses here in my memories, and at the time I wasn't aware of Caelum's sacrifice until after I awoke. It just seems too convenient to me. I might be reading too deep into it, and it could be about the three back home. I'll put a pin in it for later.
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So, yeah. I woke up choking on a Phoenix Down, got the big scoop of what happened, and ended up feeling miserable for the rest of the trip both out of loss and sheer embarrassment... and the pain, I guess. Igneel checked in on me, which I was surprised about. He's awfully nice, and, I hate to admit it, but he's also like a second father figure to me. He reminds me of a kinder, more impulsive cowboy version of Russell. I might just be clinging to any kindness I get at this point, but it seems genuine when he talks to me. Despite the dangers we all face, I actually feel at home here with everyone, and someday I hope I can bring Mandorian into it, but that's a thought for another day.
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We got intercepted on our way back to the castle by one of the locals from the mirror dimension we had just suffered a loss from, and despite the bad reception she got from most of the group she still led us back through a portal as if she was already a member of the Army. It was... weird, for sure. As soon as we got there, I booked it to my room and here I am, writing this out before I sleep off all the pain.
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The future is feeling bleak for us all, and part of that is my fault. I snapped once, undoing a lot of my self control, who's to say if I won't do it again? I could choose the path of cowardice and leave, but I feel like I need to be here. Yet I feel as though I'm not strong enough to be of much use. It leaves me conflicted. What kind of Guardian am I if I can't do my job?
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I give up. I'll think about this later.
YOU ARE READING
Journal of a Rose
AdventureA series of journal entries written from the POV of Iliana Beradon'na, a runaway turned mercenary trying to pave her own path through her doomed destiny. This collection follows her hasty reconstruction of events she witnessed during her employment...
