Brooklyn-99 (Jake Peralta x Reader)

The Tagger- S1; EP2 Part 2

Back At The Precinct:

Holt walks over to Jake's desk with a fresh cup of coffee as Jake calls his attention, "Oh, hey, Captain." Jake jumps out of his chair and continues in a hushed voice, "Hi, so I was able to procure that fifty dollars after all, and my offer still stands. As long as you don't tell (Y/N), I don't want her to hit me again..." Jake clears his throat and continues, "So, let me do whatever I want, and the forty dollars- that's how much I actually have- is yours." Holt just takes a sip of his coffee, staring blankly at Jake, unamused, "No? Fair enough. I only had thirty anyway. Well, I guess in order to get you to stop micromanaging me, I'm gonna have to get back to the most important piece of police work there is: writing a perfect report!" Jake says, feigning excitement. 

"Good, I'm anxious to read it."

"And I'm anxious to restore my status as a lone wolf." Jake replies smugly, closing his eyes and howling. 

"Anything else, Detective?" Holt asks, clearly unimpressed. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna do one more." Jake says quickly and repeats the howl. "Lone wolf." Holt begins to walk away as Jake mutters, "He's digging me."

"And Captain Holt walks away, unamused and deeply disturbed by his unhinged and second best detective. Rethinking every decision that led him to running this precinct." (Y/N) narrates, causing a passing Rosa to laugh. 

"Ah-ha! You suck." Rosa tells Jake, still laughing as she walks away. 

"Really, (Y/N)?" Jake says, sitting in his chair and pouting. 

"Don't think I didn't hear the whole bribing thing again and the 'as long as you don't tell (Y/N).' Jake, just do the damn report and take your job seriously, it's not that hard." (Y/N) chastises. 

Jake rolls his eyes and huffs as he gets up to walk over to Terry, "Hey, Sarge? Where do we keep the glitter? Just wanna make sure this report for the captain is extra sparkly." 

"What're you doing, Peralta?" Terry stops what he's doing and looks up from his work.

"Look," Jake huffs again, "If I have to do things his way, I'm gonna do them my way." 

Terry laughs at Jake, "Okay, man. It was nice woking with you." Terry continues to laugh, furthering Jake's annoyance. 

"I'm not scared of him, okay? I'm not scared of anyone... except (Y/N). She can be really scary sometimes, have you noticed that?" Terry nods in agreement, "Oh, also, The Tagger drew a penis on your minivan. I'm sorry. Please don't chase after me." Jake quickly adds before sprinting away from Terry's desk and to the safety of his partner. 

"What?!" Terry bellows, rising from his desk, "There's a penis on my minivan?!"

Later:

Jake sits at his desk with The Tagger, a smug and bratty looking young man, as he writes up his report. "Sorry this is taking so long. Still writing up my report. Pretty detailed." Jake smirks, proud of his effort, "Hey Gina, can you look up what the humidity was about an hour ago and also what moon cylce we're in?" Jake calls to Gina, who is sitting at her own desk, on her phone.

"No, sorry. Don't feel like it, no." She answers, without a single glance up from her phone.

"Thanks, Gina." Jake replies, completely unbothered. He glances in front of him and smiles at (Y/N), who is typing away on her computer, "Heyyy...(Y/N/N)...can-"

"No, Jake." (Y/N) sighs, taking her hands off her keyboard and running a hand through her hair, "You're doing way to much, dude. Just ask the kid your questions and get the report done."