Pʜᴀɴᴛᴀsᴍ ~ Mᴀᴊᴏʀ Jᴀsᴘᴇʀ Wʜɪᴛʟᴏᴄᴋ

Chapter 16

{I suck with timelines so let's just pretend these events match with what happened in the movie. I also decided that there would be a Bella/baseball scene just without Jasper and Emersyn}

     When I woke up the next morning, Jasper was already making breakfast with the kids. He knew I was awake. I knew he knew I was awake. However, I still pretended I was sleeping. He let me, knowing whatever it is that's on my mind is weighing heavily on me.

After an hour of pretending to be asleep, I finally got up. The kids had already finished eating and were being given baths by Rose. Em took his food to the living room, seeing the looks Jasper and I had. He put a homemade donut on a plate in front of me. I didn't want it. It would make me fatter. But, to stop him from worrying, I simply said I was feeling sick and the sugar would make it worse. I ate a container of yogurt with some strawberries and blueberries instead.

"Okay," he said as I ate. "Tell me what's wrong right now. In the entire time I've known you, you never once turned down a donut, even if you were sick. It's your favorite breakfast food. What's running through your head?"

"I don't want anyone else to hear," I said. "Can we go somewhere else?" He nodded and walked us out to the car. We drove about five miles away from the hotel. He pulled over onto the side of the road, turned the car off, then turned towards me, waiting for me to start my explanation. I took a deep breath before starting to explain.

"These past few weeks, I've been thinking," I told him. "I kept seeing all these magazines and lingerie stores, all those models. I felt inadequate. I still do. I feel like I'm not pretty or skinny enough. I don't have a flat stomach or toned muscles or anything like that. I'm fat. I'm not good enough to be with someone as perfect as you. I watch you when you think no ones looking. Your smile lights up any room. You practically glow, so much so that I would think you're pregnant if you were a woman. You draw envious and loving stares from everyone just by doing something as simple as existing. The only stares I draw are stares of judgement and loathing, the stares of jealous women who know I'm not good enough for you. So, to solve my problem of not being skinny, I decided I was going to cut back on how much I ate. I already eat a pretty healthy diet with plenty of vegetables, fruits, and meat. The only problem I have is controlling how much I eat. After having four kids, my appetite went through the roof. And I'm going to put an end to it." Jasper was silent after my rant for a good ten minutes. When he spoke, it was so quiet I almost didn't hear him.

"You think you're inadequate?" He asked. "You think I pay attention to any part of you physically more than I do emotionally? All I ever pay attention to is how you feel. If you like something, if you're angry, if you're sad. I don't care how you think you look because you're wrong. You have an amazing body. Besides I'm happy you don't have a flat stomach. You know why? Because that isn't healthy. The reason people have any kind of fat on their body is to protect what's inside. Those that have flat stomachs are at a higher risk of health problems and injury. And you are not fat. You're the strongest person I know, physically and emotionally. You have a body that is perfect and healthy and beautiful just the way it is. Besides, you know you can't change your body without help. The last time you tried you suffered from two eating disorders. Just tell me what you need and I will help you. I'm happy as long as you're happy. I just don't want you to feel like you have to change yourself to be with me. I already think you're gorgeous, honey. I love you." By the time he finished, I was a sobbing mess. No one has ever told me something like that before.

"I love you too," I sobbed, climbing over to the drivers seat to sit in his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he went around my waist. "Thank you. What would I do without you?"

     "Crash and burn," he smiled. I playfully rolled my eyes at him and told him we should head back now.

When we got back to our room, Emmett ran at us with the girls yelling, "MOMMY, DADDY YOU CAME BACK FOR US!!" We laughed as we hugged them. Jaz went to shower while I helped Emmett find the children's channel for the kids. When Jaz was done, I took my shower. Today, Rose and I were gonna go shopping and for lunch while she tells me what all has happened with Bella the week before they left.
Me: