Before the Teardrops Fall

7: Before the Teardrops Fall

My eyes were damp with tears and my eye lids felt heavy. I was overwhelmed with emotions and could barely see what was going on in the room. Someone was talking and one sounded in despair but all I could make out were soft mumbles.

"Oohoogoofoohoo....." The voice that was crying did not resemble my own yet I could feel my body trembling. I felt a warm hand stroking my hair. And another patting me on my shoulder. And I realised I am the one who was crying. When I regained my composure, someone passed me a napkin to dry my tears. I turned to see a young lady comforting me by the side of the bed.

"Who are you?" I asked.. my voice was weak and low, and it didn't feel right. Everything was less than alright. I felt lethargic and dispirited. My heart was aching with a thousand arrows, and my mind was fresh with the pain of realising I could be the one who caused her harm.

Now, it made sense why Elena had left the dinner abruptly the last time I saw her at the restaurant. I had asked her if she was happy when it was me who made her feel miserable. That must have felt sardonic for her.

Was it I who did the bruises? Was I the reason she was in the ward? Why would I ever hurt Elena? She had been there for me when I was all alone in my childhood.

Even if it wasn't me, how could I have left her to her own defense and allowed this to happen?

It was all too difficult for me to understand. No matter how I tried, I could not seem to put the pieces together. On top of that, I was perplexed as to why I did not remember marrying Elena.

Did everything change after I visited Elena at her aunt's place? Perhaps she had married someone else before that. If I change the rims on the pocket watch again, would everything turn out the same way?

I set my mind to do just that. But first, I have to see Elena before the spin returns. And whoever this young lady beside me was, it did not matter. I have to go...

"Grandpa... are you alright? It's me, Erin" the young lady shook me by the shoulders gently.

I frowned at her, why was she calling me grandpa? I squinted my eyes to get a clearer look. She was young, in her early 20's, with rosy cheeks and soft brown locks dangling by her shoulders. Her eyes looked sad though she was smiling warmly. Those eyes... were oddly familiar, but I had no recollection of this young lady. She must be mistaken. Is this some kind of joke?

"I'm sorry but I don't know you, young lady. Did my mother let you in? I am looking for Elena. " I said, feeling confused. My mother had just left the room awhile ago. Did I go through the time loop without the spin and the storm? I could swear the pocket watch did not make a sound this time round.

There was no response from the young lady. Instead, she kept silent and continued patting me on my shoulder. Her smile resembled Elena's but she was not Elena. And I needed to see Elena right now.

"Where is Elena?" I asked again, louder this time, but she kept her silence. I sat up, and attempted to get down the bed but the young lady held on to me as if I was about to fall. So I said "Let me go, please, I don't know you" but she held on tightly. I struggled and shrugged her off and moved towards the door, and then I saw it.

My reflection in the mirror was an old man. It was me, with heavy lids and silver white hair. Heavy wrinkles lined my forehead and crowded around my eyes. White stubbles clad my chin and my glasses drooped low on the peak of my nose. This was me... in my old age. And she.. this young lady.. was my grand daughter.

Sunk in that moment, I was completely lost for words. My knees went weak and I almost hit the sink. Erin held on to me just in time and helped me back to the bed. As bits of memory started dripping back into my mind, tear drops started rolling down my cheeks, and I cried uncontrollably.

They were tears from the realisation that I had been the one who hurt Elena while she had loved me all her life, to the fact that she was no longer here and I had already lost her. She had been the love of my life. Yet I am too late.

I had waited senselessly, for the sounds of the pocket watch and thunder. All for the sake of escaping from this feeling; and for another moment with Elena. But now, there was nowhere to run to, no spin to lift me out of my reality.

Perhaps we never had the power to undo the mistakes in our life.

Erin left after making sure I took my medicine for the night. She had been kind to read out for me the contents of my journal which, according to her, I had been writing in 3 years ago when my memories started fading.

After Erin left, I laid back to rest on the bed, mind whirling with countless thoughts though none made sense at the moment. The only thing that felt clear and distinct was the unbearable ache in my heart. My heart and mind felt heavy and the weight bore down on my eyelids, making it droop low. I could hardly see a thing.

The night started settling in and the moon hung itself by the window. The breeze blew in making ripples and waves in the curtains. I stared at the bellowing linen, lost in my thoughts.

Then I saw Elena sitting next to my bed, smiling down at me. Her eyes twinkled knowingly as she put the pocket watch in my hands. The clock hands started ticking and I could hear the sound of sand. This time, she looked genuinely happy. I smiled too, as a single tear drop escaped from my eye.

There was comfort in this moment and as I closed my eyes for the last time, all I could say was "I'm sorry".

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Author's note:

This story is about Ron, who is suffering from dementia and could not remember most of his life. Hence, his memories were fragmented, looping around his biggest regrets surrounding his wife and childhood sweetheart Elena.

While reliving his old memories in the time loop, there were bouts of reflections and hopes of a second chance. However, he woke up with the realisation that these painful mistakes had been with him until the end. He forgives himself in his last moment.

I hoped you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you!