You Had My Heart [DISCONTINUED]

You dont owe us anything

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. I got out of my bed and went to find Joel. He was in the kitchen making breakfast so I walked up to him and hugged him from behind.

»Morning« He said with a smile on his face.

»Good morning, Joel« I said as I let go of him.

»Is scrambled egg alright for you? I don't know how to cook anything else.« He asked me.

»Yes that's fine« I giggle.

Joel dished out the food and we sat at his table.

»I'm going to the studio later, me and the boys have practice. You wanna come?« He asks me.

I agreed and once I had finished eating I went for a shower and brushed my teeth. I then went back to my room and got dressed into a pair of very ripped blue mom jeans, with an oversized nirvana shirt. I found Joel sat on the sofa and I grabbed my converse and sat down next to him.

»You sure you want me to tag along?« I asked while tying my shoe lace.

»Of course, I'm sure the boys won't mind some company. Besides, i'm sure Aleksi wants to see how you're doing.« I had completely forgot about last nights events. I was so happy after the kiss that I had completely forgot that the last time the rest of the boys saw me I was shaking and crying.

»Can you not tell them anything about Max, i'd like to tell them today, but when i'm ready.« I looked at him from where I was sitting on the couch.

»I wasn't going to anyway. You've trusted me with the information and i'd never tell anyone about your personal life. I promise.« He replied with a smile on his face.

We left his apartment and went to Joonas' apartment which was only 2 floors below Joel's. Joel knocked on his door and Joonas soon opened it and him and Aleksi walked out, shutting the door behind them.

»Hey Luna, are you okay?« Aleksi asks and pulls me in for a hug.

»Yes, i'm much better thanks« I mumbled onto his chest while still hugging him.

»Hey where's my hug?« Joonas asks while stood next to Joel.

»Oh shut up and wait your turn cotton candy« I replied and rolled my eyes at the curly haired one. I left Aleksi's embrace and moved towards Joonas who already had his arms open. I hugged Joonas tightly before we all made our way to Joel's car. We drove for around 10 minutes before we arrived at the studio. When we arrived, Olli and Tommi were already there, and Niko still hadn't arrived yet.

I sat down on the couch across from Olli and Tommi after greeting them and Aleksi sat next to me on one side and Joel on my other side. Joonas sat next to Olli.

»I think I owe you guys an explanation of yesterday but i'll wait until Niko arrives.« I begin.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to look and by my surprise it was Joel.

»You don't owe us anything. You tell them when you're ready, okay?« He says with a smile on his face. Before I could reply, Aleksi said something. I turned my head to face the black haired boy.

»Luna, you don't have to tell them if you don't want to.« He looks at me with a serious face.

Aleksi was there when I was still dating Max. I would come home with bruises and I was sometimes bleeding because of Max's behaviour. Aleksi was there for me when I needed him most. He knew how to calm me down and how to treat me on one of my bad days. He took care of me and was very protective over me. When I ended things with Max, he got abusive in every way possible and then kicked me out of his apartment. That thankfully was the last time I saw him, but he left me to painfully walk home while my whole body hurt. I went home to Aleksi who immediately took care of me and told me I was safe now as we cuddled up together on our sofa. Aleksi is like a big brother to me, even though I am slightly older than him.

»It's okay Aleksi. I'm ready to open up to people. Besides, I need to warn them about things. You know?« I look at him in his deep blue eyes. He took my hands in his.

»As long as you're ready, i'm okay with it.« He says with a smile on his face. I smile back at him and hug him tightly. I then turn back to face Joel but he wasn't looking at me anymore. It was like something was bothering him, but I didn't know what.

We all spoke about some music related things until a tired Niko finally showed up. »Sorry guys, I overslept what did I miss?« he said and the looked at me. »Oh hey Luna, you okay?«

»You didn't miss anything Niko, and yes i'm okay thanks. Actually, now that you're all here i'd really like to explain what actually happened last night.« All the boys nodded their heads and Niko took a seat on the couch opposite me. Aleksi held my hand and smiled at me before I started talking to the group of guys sat me front of me.

»So, I kinda just zoned out while we were all talking and drinking and then I began thinking about my ex, Max. He was abusive in all ways and I started to relive some of my worst moments right there on that couch. That caused a panic attack which is what you guys saw last night.« I explained the whole story while missing out one key detail. Joel's hand on my thigh. I didn't want them to know about that so I just skipped over that bit which of course Joel noticed.

»I'm so sorry that happened, Luna. Is there anything we can do to help if it happens again?« Joonas asked with a sorry look on his face.

»When i'm having an episode, I just need a hug and I need help to breathe. But I do want to explain some things that can cause a panic attack to you guys if that's ok?«

»Of course, go ahead« Olli replies.

»So some of the main ones are to just watch where you put your hands. The most triggering places are my thighs and throat. Also loud banging noises or direct shouting at me can trigger an episode.« I explained while all of the boys just looked at me understandingly.

»Thank you for opening up to us, We will all take good care of you don't worry« Niko says and gets up from the couch and walks over to me. I stood up and I hugged him. Some of his long brown hair tickled my nose and I began to smile uncontrollably. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

»Okay, enough of me. I wanna hear you guys make some music!« I say and exit the hug. The boys all got right to it and started writing a song. They instantly thought of a title for the song which was 'Dark Side' and the chorus already sounded really good.

Put your middle fingers up
take a shot
throw it up and don't stop
i'm i'm i'm
living that life on the Dark Side

Like the 27 club headshot
we don't wanna grow up
i'm i'm i'm
living that life on the Dark Side
life on the Dark Side

The song was already so catchy and I enjoyed seeing Aleksi so happy while he was with the guys. I felt at home with these people. I knew that we were gonna be one big family soon enough.