I Owe My Mafia Brothers Money

1

The first time I saw a gun I was six years old. I was fascinated by the object held in a stranger's hand. I didn't understood how dangerous it is.

"Mommy look" I pointed with excitement at the mysterious object. One of the weirdest things ever.

Mommy didn't share my excitement. She covered me with her body, there was a lot of noise. She fell and screamed in pain I was lying beneath her so confused I couldn't scream or cry I was so scared. Her body was heavy and I was suffocating underneath it.

The last thing she whispered into my ears was "be quiet for me baby" I listened, I didn't understand why but I felt like I need to listen.

I was quite like a mouse even though I really wanted to tell mommy that I don't like the sticky warm substance I'm covered in.

But I didn't get to tell her.

The next thing I remember was the sound of sirens, the white walls of the hospital room, and the news reports on the mass shooting. Twenty people dead, one survivor. Me.

After the incident, I was adopted by good people. An older couple with a son. Unfortunately, my new family did not remain whole for too long. My adoptive father got cancer and died.

No one in this small family was doing well with the mourning process. Chris, my adoptive brother got into bad company, and eventually, started doing drugs.

My adoptive mother got depressed. She would often try to drown her sorrows in alcohol but at the end of the day, it just made her more miserable.

No matter how much time has passed since the tragedy I was having dreams every day about being shot, I couldn't control it the second I saw a gun even if it was just a picture or a movie I was on a brink of a panic attack.

With a passing time, things started to get worse and worse but perhaps the peak of "unfortunate" happened right after mom and I learned Chris borrowed money from dangerous people. We were too scared to call them mafia so often we would speak around that word. They were a loan sharks. The interest rate was ridiculously high, we weren't able to pay money on time and when we failed to provide them with cash things got violent.

Chris was unemployed and struggling with his addiction. He had no means to pay his debts, that responsibility fell on mom and me.

Those people didn't really care who gives them money. Some group of intimidating men would always show up every month to collect the debt. They weren't interested in our difficult financial situation you either pay with cash or end up with your TV or window broken.

It was a terrifying experience every time they appeared and I knew I would never get used to it, to the fear and uncertainty of what another day will bring was killing me.

Mom wasn't doing well too.

At some point, Albert, a boyfriend, showed up. He was mentally abusive and he used physical violence, especially after he got drunk.

I would sometimes ask mom "Why can't you just dump him?"

She would respond "How are we going to pay rent then?"

On that note, the discussion ended. We didn't have enough money to both pay the rent and give cash to debt collectors. So we were stuck. Both trapped in an endless cycle of abuse and violence.

Today, I was helping out at the restaurant. Albert thinks that since I eat the food he provides it's okay to engage me in free labor sprinkled with disgusting remarks about my body. I ignored him as always, although I wanted just burst into tears or hit him, sometimes I wanted to do something, anything but I was powerless. This wasn't one of these days I was experiencing a major success and nothing could've changed it.

I was powerless until I wasn't. Until a small ray of hope appeared, after many sleepless nights my continuous effort I finally was about to bring a good change into my family.

"Mom, guess what" I wave the admittance letter in front of her eyes "I got admitted to St. Lawerence" I send her a smug smile and she gave me a big hug.

"I'm so proud of you baby"

One-month tuition costed more than my mother's monthly salary so I had the right to call it exactly that. I got a merit scholarship and financial aid which meant I would be able to help mom at least a little financially. 

"Thank you"

"Congratulations"

I let Albert hug me too because I didn't want to make him nervous today, it made me feel like puking but after this unpleasantness, the evening was really okay.

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