my loathsome lover (cherik fanfic)

chapter 16

"I wish I could remember every second we had
I know I tried to count 'em all
One by one, one by one
But you don't get 'em back,
you don't get 'em back
Take every memory we've ever had
Oh, I wanna live 'em all
One by one, one by one
And I swear that I'm not gonna lose you now, I'll
Keep you in my life somehow, and
Even when the lights go down, down
I could never lose you now" (lindsey stirling, mako, lose you now)

Before Erik decided to take a plunge into space, Charles had returned to the school. He took over his responsibilities as headmaster again and slowly everything went back to normal. Then his whole world changed in a matter of minutes and now he was stuck with a life he couldn't bear.

"There's been a meeting today, Professor," Hank said. He was trying to be sympathetic, but he couldn't entirely hide his impatience with the man who hadn't spent a minute on important school matters in the last few months because he was too consumed by grief. His tolerance had to end at some point. "You missed it. Like the last three. Some parents filed complaints, others already transferred their kids to another school."

"It's just been- what? Two months?" Charles asked in return. Worrying about the school was too trivial for him- he couldn't go to a meeting where everyone discussed whether the next school trip should be to Paris or London. Quite frankly, they could all float themselves into space for all he cared. He'd join them. "One should be allowed to grieve when the love of their life just disappears into nothingness. I didn't think I'd have to explain myself."

"It's been four months, Professor. The school meetings take place once a month," Hank reminded him, getting more frustrated every minute. Not only had he forgotten simple procedures, he was also unaware how much time had passed since Erik's death. He was completely lost. "And today's meeting was about Erik. I told you multiple times in advance. Thankfully Raven made sure to honor him, but-"

"Excuse me?" Charles inquired, clearly offended by the suggestion. "Are you insinuating that my sister cares more about him or- or- perhaps that I don't care at all?"

"No, you just created a world where he's still alive, but he is dead! He died four months ago! He sacrificed himself and he died and no silly mind world is going to bring him back!" Hank yelled and his uncontrollable rage even turned him into the Beast. He needed a few seconds to cool off. "I'm really sorry for losing my temper, Professor, but I know what you've been doing with Cerebro and it's not healthy. Even at your worst, I've never seen you like that."

When he couldn't bear the pain of losing him, and every day felt utterly pointless and it never got any better, he turned to the one thing that could bring him back. He could live in a world where he was still alive, where nothing could ever take him away. So he went in. "Liebling," Erik greeted him, but he could only stare in disbelief. "Something's different," Charles instantly realised, eyes wide-open in horror. His voice didn't sound right, it was just a small detail but it should have been deeper. "How could I have forgotten already?" Erik quickly closed the distance between them and grabbed his face. "It's me, Charles. Don't you remember?" A single tear streamed down his face, "I'm so sorry, darling. I promised not to forget, but I am here now. I'm here. And I will remember everything."

"Maybe you should manage the school from now on. You've been doing it anyway, even before everything happened," Charles proposed in a calm manner. How could he give hope to young generations of mutants if he had none left for himself? Someone else had to make sure they'd grow up cherishing peace.

"You can't avoid it forever, Charles," Raven chimed in when she entered the lab. "Appointing Hank as headmaster is the right thing for now, but rotting away in here is not what you should be focusing on instead. I'm afraid you might have to leave the school if-"