IT'S COMPLICATED -- MARCUS BAKER

She Knows - 21

(A/N):  I didn't mean for the song to match the last sentence of the chapter, as I add all my songs after I've finished.

We live in a man's world. I learned that from a very early age. And it is exhausting to exist in a world not designed for you, a world that doesn't take you seriously, where you matter less. Women are 75% more likely to die in a car crash because all seat belt safety tests are designed for men.

What do you do with that? It's not one big thing that crushes a spirit.

It's death by a million paper cuts.

Men, the space they take up, the room, their entitlement, their voices just louder and more. Men growing up, seeing more men. Men at the top. Men in power. They don't see out of their own eyes, our vacant stares back at them, our bottled anger, our wonder at how they got to be so satisfied in their knowledge that the world is made for them.

So what was I supposed to do with that?

How does one climb the ranks of a system rigged against them?

I'll tell you. You adapt. You learn to survive. I've done things I'm not proud of, and I've done things I never want my kids to know about, but I'd do 'em again. I'd do anything to protect my kids like no one ever protected me.

Anything.

It was the same speech my mom had engrained in my mind since I was six. But, now, as she taught me more of her past, and more of mine, it was starting to make sense.

"The election is tomorrow. Your opponent, Cynthia Fuller, is running her campaign
attacking your lack of family values, and now you're engaged. How would you respond to critics
about the timing of your proposal? I am marrying Georgia because I fell in love with her and her kids. It's as simple as that." No, it wasn't. And he knew that. His quest, man's ultimate quest for power, is the sole reason why he'd 'proposed' to my mom. Why he bought a ring without even knowing her middle name. And why he looked over the fact that my mom cheated. Hell, he hasn't even spoken to me more than twice and those conversations lasted under 5 minutes.

"How did you propose?" They fumbled for a fake and nice-sounding answer, but Mom, ever the resourceful one, quickly spoke. "I, um...It was so romantic. We were working late one night, and he handed me this file and asked me to put it in my desk drawer. And I'm like, "The file goes in the filing cabinet." On and on about this desk drawer until finally, he opens it, and inside is this little velvet box." He looked so shocked, saying "That's a very good answer." I laughed at looked away, blanking on the conversation, until my brother was brought up. "Austin, what do you like about Wellsbury?" Ginny tried to call him and then turned to Mom, not knowing what to do. "It's fine, he's a little shy. What do you like about Wellsbury, Austin?" Another one of my rules for him. Whenever he was scared of responding, he'd face me and say whatever he needed to say. "Well...Wellsbury is really fun! Our house has room for all my toys and the food is yummy." I ruffled his hair and wrapped my right arm around him. I whispered, "Good job, Austin. I'm really proud of you," as Virginia said what she liked about Wellsbury.

I was still mad at her for what she did last night. And Austin was still confused. "What do you like about Wellsbury, Y/n?" I plastered on the 'award-winning' smile Mom liked and answered as we'd practiced. "I like the academic and sports opportunities, loving community, as well as my friends and boyfriend."

--

"Hey, guys! Hey, I waited for you at berry tree. Oh, ha ha! Avoid eye contact! Don't sit with her. I get it. Hey, joke's over. Expelliarmus!" They ignored her and subsequently, walked away from her. I walked by her, not making eye contact either, going directly to Bracia. Max kept looking at me. But, as I looked back, she looked away, instead of waving. I immediately pulled out my phone and sent a text with a singular name. Marcus. The second I got to my friends, the bell rang, and I had to get to English. I sat down, noticing Hunter and Ginny talk briefly. "Hey" and another, "Hey. We should talk." She nodded, firmly, "Yeah. We should." Out teacher ushered us into seat, Maxine sitting down, with her head facing the floor, avoiding eye contact. "Seats, please. Class has begun."

"Everyone take out your copies of A Room of One's Own. We were just finishing up
with chapter three." He started reading as Virginia tried to speak to Max. "It is one of the great advantages..." She whispered, "Hey, are we OK?" Max did not respond and straightened in her seat. "...that one can pass even a very fine...I'm gonna take a brief pause to point out the word that comes next." Oh shit. "

"Now, the N-word is obviously a problematic word in today's context unless, of course, you're listening to a rap song...Word! However, I think it's important that we highlight that during the time, this word was not as polarizing. It was a different time. Also, I'd like to point out that a female wrote this book." He looked at Virginia and she shrunk in her seat. "But back to the word. I'm not going to say it out loud because, well, frankly, it can be very upsetting. Right, Ginny? Y/n? "That one can pass even a very fine..." Blank." I gasped, muttering, 'there's literally no way.' The entire class, other than Maxine was staring at me and ginny. Virginia left the classroom, but I sat there. He kept reading, but looked at me as he did so, with a sort of accomplished look. He got Virginia to leave. But he wasn't gonna make me get up to. In fact, I slid further up in my seat, arms crossed, with a bright smile on my face. This eerie grin freaked Gitten out and he shrunk back, reading at a lower volume.