KIMUEL DUANE's GIRL

Chapter 39

I couldn't believe that in front of me is the man I loved. Yeah, I dont't feel any ecstatic feeling while he's in front of me.  Di kagaya noon na pagkakita ko palang sa kanya hindi na magkamayaw ang pagkislot ng puso ko.
He's merrily eating his favorite food while I was just staring at him.

"Why are you here?" Napahinto siya sa pagkain at tumingin sa akin na nagtataka kung bakit ganun nalang ang pagtanong ko sa kanya. Well I unintentionally utter those words, even I didn't mean. 

"That hurts, my baby looks like doesn't want me here, should I go back to Guam?" Nagkunwari pa siyang nasasaktan habang hawak ang dibdib niya. But it didn't make me smile, I know that it's a joke but it has no effect to me.

"Is there any problem, Margaret?" he reach my hand and squeeze it a bit, napailing ako at kinuha ko ang kamay ko na hawak niya. It irks me while he's holding my hand .

"Did I just ruined your moment awhile ago?" he ask, napatingin ako sa kanya. Nasira nga ba? I was imagining so many things awhile ago after hearing sincere words from Kimuel. And now I'm with
French, the man I used to love. Our moment wasn't ruined but it's a great dissapointment to him. He's confessing but because of my past it's ruined or
not?

"Hey, you okay?" I looked at him again and lower my gaze.  "What's wrong?" he
ask me but I didn't answer. I just bit my lower lip instead. 

"I'm sorry" I suddenly utter, lumabas lng sa bibig ko ang salitang sorry, di ko
alam kung bakit. I felt that my tears are about to stream out of my eyes but I need to say some words to clear things out.

"I guess... I'm late" he smile but it's a fake one. His eyes tell everything, his lips quiver but suddenly draw into a grim line.

"Did that Kimuel hooked you? Do you like him? I guess the answer isn't yet find" he nodded like he had figure out something, I didn't answer but I looked at him. Napailing nalang ako at yumuko.

Di ko alam... yan ang sagot. Talagang di ako sigurado, kasi ako naguguluhan mismo. Di ko masasabi na oo dahil ayaw kung magsisi kapag sinabi ko na dahil hindi naman pwedeng ibalik. Hindi maaring hindi ang maisasagot ko dahil hindi kapani paniwala. 

"Brain is sometimes useless, heart is sometimes stupid. But it depends to the people if what they choose, if what they want. Because not all pwede nating iasa sa opinion ng iba"napaangat ako at tumingin sa kanya. He gulped.

"Suggestions aren't reliable and useful, it will just poison someone's mind. Yeah they just want to protect you from pain but . You just make yourself more reasonable to fall in the trap." he hold my hand again, but this time I let him
hold my hand.

"Choose wisely and think before you speak and act... HIndi lahat ng pagkakamali nabubura hindi katulad ng sinulat mong salita sa papel maari pang mabura gamit ang pambura. Dahil nasa reyalidad tayo.." he squeeze my hand and smile at me.

"I'm sorryy, I might hurt you and your ego. I didn't meant to hurt you, French...I didn't." he stand up and sit beside me and embrace me. I look at him and put my head on his chest.

"you can't blame yourself for falling, you didn't expect and you didn't realize it not until you open your eyes for the reality. Margaret,don't be sorry okay? " he kissed my forehead, I didn't say anything. I just the moment with him. I'm used to his presence but my soul is looking for another person.

"Kimuel" I call him, lumingon siya pero nung makita ako agad siyang umiwas. Muling tumungga sa baso niyang may laman na alak. Tumayo siya at itinukod ang mga siko sa railings ng balkonahe niya, akmang sasampa siya. Agad akong umaksyon baka ano pa ang mangyari sa kanya, pero napatigil ako...

"JUSKO! LASING NA NGA AKO! AKALA KO BA MAKAKALIMUTAN KO SIYA KAPAG NAKAINOM AKO PERO BAKIT NAKIKITA KO PA RIN SIYA!!!!" sigaw niya at itinapon ang hawak na baso. Umalingawngaw ang pagkabasag ng baso. I gasped for what he did.

I'm in his room. In their house, Fegee told me that he immediately went home after French snatched me way while he was confessing. Naguilty ako bigla, kasalanan ko kung bakit siya nagkaganito. Nagpatianod ako at hindi pinatapos ang pagpapahayag niya.

I cam back to my thoughts when I hear him sobbing. "Mahal ko yun, Lord eh,"he sniffed.
"Pero mukhang ayaw niya sa tulad kung babaero at walang direksyon sa buhay." halos matawa ako sa pagsesenti niya, lalo na't nakaupo na siya sa sahig at nakasampay ang mga paa sa upuan na nasa harap niya, hawak na niya ang bote ng alak.

"Kimuel.."

"Oh kita mo na Kimuel daw... pati dito rinig ko pa rin ang boses niyang tinatawag ako kahit imposible" he start sobbing again. "Ahhh mommy, ayaw sakin ng taong gustoo ko" napapadyak pa siya na parang bata.

"Kimuel Duane" usal ko sa pangalan niya, tinuro niya ako at dali daling tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo.

"AHHHHHHHH, I HATE MYSELF, BEING ME SUCKS! THE GIRL I WANT DOESN'T LIKES ME!" tinapon niya ang basyo ng alak, at dali daling sumampa sa railings ng balkonahe. Dali dali akong lumapit sa kanya para pigilan ang pinaplano niya.  Pero iwinasiwas niya ang kamay niya para pigilan ako pero di ako nagpa apekto.

"Ate, get off me!' he stated, akala niya ate niya but I still grabbed him in the hem of his shirt. Iwinasiwas niya ang parte ng damit niya na hawak ko.
"GET OFF M......"

"GODDAMNIT!!!! GO DOWN!" sigaw ko at pwesang hinila ang damit niya, pero naalala ko mabigat pala tung mokong na to. Nawalan kaming dalawa ng balanse dahil hindi ko kaya ang bigat niya.  Ramdam ko ang pagbagsak ng likod sa tiles pero ang likod ay di tuluyang lumapat sa sahig dahil sa ginawang pagsalo ni Kimuel sa likod ko. 

"M?" he utter, but his   eyes were about to close. He lifted his hand and put it in my cheek and suddenly caress it. The warmth of his hand envelope my whole system, especially when he suddenly embrace me.

"If it's a dream, then please let me enjoy this moment." he said and hug more tighter. His perfume invaded my nostrils, seems like I am going to love this scent. 

But I didn't really expect the next thing that he do.

He captured my lips and pull my nape to make him to kiss me deeply. He caress my hair and I put my hand at the back of his hand and let him do the rest. Honestly I enjoy the moment so I let him.

But he stop and step backward. He started to walk away and enter his room, agad akong pumasok bago pa ako masarahan dahil alam kung, hallucination lng ang tingin niya sa nangyari.

"ARGH!" I was bombarded to his sudden outburst, h was looking at me intently and slap his face. He buried his head under his pillow and pull his comforter up to his shoulder and never move.

I decided to stay by his side until tomorrow, I just texted my mom that I'm with a friend. I sat on his king size bed and touch the matress. I lay myself to it and let darkness swallow my sorrounding.

I give my first kiss to the man without any doubt,  I LOVE.