Short Stories

24)The reality of it

It's only been a few days.
So much has changed but so much has stayed the same.

My mind was always filled with questions for you.
My heart always beat for the next time I'd see you.
My ears always perked up at your laugh.
My eyes would light up when I saw you or your texts.
My hands were always open for yours to hold.

But with everything that happened, now all I do is sit and stare.
Yet no matter how much I stare,

My mind is still filled with questions for you.
My heart still beats to see your smile again.
My ears still listen for your laugh.
My eyes look upon the crowds and re-read your texts.
My hands openly search for yours.

Every time they do, I'm reminded that you're no longer here.
It's a reminder from reality that no matter how hard I look, listen or search, I'll never find you.

It's a painful process. It's slow, agonizing, and one I've already been through for years.
You were ill, for so long.
So I had forced myself to believe that every day would be your last.
Every morning I would wake up in paranoia that you'd be gone.

At first, it was simply that though, just paranoia.
But then it slowly turned to fear, then that fear became a phobia and that phobia became a reality.
Because life took you away.

You're gone.

Buried, far away in a completely different province where I'll never be able to visit.

Far out of my reach.

Far out of sight.
Far out of anything from me.

It's painful when I think about it because to me, it feels like a cruel joke.
Life wants me to suffer, so she never gave me a chance to say goodbye, and now I can't even mourn you.
I can't place flowers on your grave, have a memorial or have a funeral.
I can't honour you the way my friends got to.

I was simply told what's allowed and what isn't.
And everything I wished to do for you wasn't allowed, so I was forced to sit here and accept the reality.

The reality is that no matter how many times I text your number, call your phone, send letters or drive over.
You'll never be able to answer.
Because you're no longer there.

Reality is cruel, but emotions and life are worse.

For at the end of the day, reality is cold, and maybe even brutal. But it's something you'll learn to accept.
But emotions toy with you, and life slowly pulls you apart, and you can't recover from that.
I can't recover knowing I'll never be able to say hello again.

I lost you too soon.
I miss you too much.
But I love you as well,

And like the reality, I was given.
That will never change.

I love you, dad.
Please never forget that.

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Words: 442