Something Beautiful

14•something someday

Umi's screams were engulfed by the rain and thunder, just right after James, whose body blocked hers, dropped to the ground.

The angry shower must have woken up Jux that the gun slipped out of his hand, or maybe Ethan knocked over him, subduing him face down on the concrete.

"What have you done?!" Ethan roared and shook the back collar of his old friend's hood, almost choking.

"...I didn't mean to... It's her fault. It's all her fault!" Jux fought back with all his remaining strength. At last, he freed himself from Ethan and fled. The latter gave up chasing him and ran to his brother instead.

As things unfolded, all that registered to Umi were her screams urging the fallen to stay awake.

"Finally." James grinned weakly in her arms. "...I became a hero too."

That should be her. How she begged the angry heavens to be in his place. But the skies were becoming deaf too, as James closed his eyes, she was still the one wailing for help.

______________

The incident passed like a burry nightmare—the medic, the crowd and the questions. On the ambulance, her hands enveloped James' if not for the medic aiding him. Ethan was left with the police on the scene after calling their parents.

She called James an idiot for taking in the bullet meant for her. She nagged him. She begged him. Yet, days to a week already passed, he showed no signs of waking up. Jux was still at large, even with his face flashed on the local news and newspaper, including their schoolmates sharing pictures of him on the internet to help the search.

One more chance. Please.

It has also been a week since she prayed the same plea. A presence approached and sat beside her. Only then Umi left the kneeling pad to reclaim her seat and face the sniffling Pauline.

"He's strong, you know," Umi spoke first and handed her tissues.

The other accepted, just like the previous days they usually meet at the chapel to pray. "I bet he'll surprise us. 'Issa prank,' he'd say. That jerk!"

In between her frustrated sobs, Pauline continued. "Making everyone worry. He was shot on his back. Yes, he lost a lot of blood and bumped his head when he fell, but he's strong. He is. Right?"

Umi couldn't answer the same question for days now.

"Ate..." Pauline called her for the first time.

Warmth swelled in Umi's eyes.

"Please say I'm right."

Even with trembling hands, she wiped away the other's tears with the thumb. Ate. She called her sister, finally. "Yes Pau, you're right."

Then they cried together, longer than the previous days, and for the first time, in each other's arms.

"Don't you... don't you hate me?" Pauline asked when they calmed down, a few sniffles here and there.

Everyone had their way of protecting their feelings and loved ones. Pauline had her faults, but she was misguided. It was not like Umi had no faults herself. She answered with a reassuring squeeze on the other's hand. "You? Are you mad at me for what happened to James?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Not it is yours," Umi said.

_______________

Umi stopped counting the days she traversed the tiled halls of the hospital, watched James from the bedside and kneeled on the chapel with Pauline. She was terrified of the numbers, that was once a digit, now two and seemed so endless. As her relationship with Pauline and her father gradually improved, it was the opposite with Ethan. They were drifting apart, with not much as James-centered conversation to none at all, to a faint nod and looking away.

"It's all my fault," he said in one of their longest talks after the incident. "I wasn't able to protect both of you."

Like him, she wrapped her hand on the machine-made espresso. It was the least of her favorites, but unconsciously, Umi wanted a praise from James like he did once on her caffeine intake. "A grownup," he said.

"It was mine. I kept a secret about what Jux did. It was the least I could do for hurting his feelings."

"He doesn't deserve your kindness."

She closed her eyes at his presence, conquering the space between them. "May I?" he whispered.

Umi nodded and mumbled a faint "Mm."

Then he kissed her forehead. "Just a little more, like this. Just a little more."

Her cup of coffee now on the vacant seat on her left, they stayed like that for a few minutes, recharging themselves of each other's presence, and hopeful that it would last longer in each other's absence.

"I've been looking everywhere for the princess I met on the dark rooftop. All along, she was right in front of me."

"Still cheesy, I see."

Umi felt the low hum of his chest, like a chuckle, yet louder than the announcement on the speaker for a doctor.

"I'm sorry. I found you too late."

Umi peeled herself away from his shoulder and cupped his face. "I'm sorry I didn't want to be found."

Ethan held her hands, taking them off from his face, then intertwined with his fingers. "If everything is settled, I can give you my all, Umi. Please wait for me. Someday... when everything is right."

"James rubbed off his cheesy lines on you," she teased. "But I will wait. Please wait for me too."

It's not that it wasn't the right time for them. They needed time to untangle their feelings. They were both riddled with guilt and their own baggage. Could they even love another when they hesitate to forgive and love themselves better?

"Talk to him, I know he can hear you," Ethan urged before he left. It was minutes later when she finished the content of her cup. It was bitter but still warm.

Inside James' room, with the number of devices attached to him, his condition has undeniably become critical.

She sat on the chair next to the bed and held his hand. "How are you?"

Silence greeted her, but she smiled.

"You should too. You look better when you smile."

"Wake up, we'll take Odi to the park. Your favorite band will have a concert, you know. What was it, Spicy Berry?"

"Pauline was worried about you? Let's have a picnic with her, all of us."

The beeps from the machine filled the silence in rhythm as if it was his heartbeat pulsing and singing for his life.

Her smile faltered as she whispered to his ear, "Please James, wake up."