White Fangs - Jaywon

Please Don't Be Mad

Dear Nabi,

Sorry I didn't answer your letter before, I got caught up in work and life.

Please don't be mad, but Jay and I just kissed!!!!!! (sorry I'm too excited)

Let me tell you from the beginning:

Since the last time I wrote to you, Enhypen worked very hard and we released our first mv - maybe you already saw it? It's called Given-Taken.
Our company has decided that our concept would be that we're vampires trying to travel between worlds (I swear I don't have anything to do with it). And the vampire theme is introduced in the video.
I got to play a vampire, it was quite funny, but at the same time, it felt dangerous.
I can't blow up my cover of course. It had me really worrying at first, but then I realized that it was all a coincidence, and no one could suspect a thing about me, so I calmed down eventually.
Back to the story now.
We got to watch the video a few hours before its release and Jay said I'd make a cute vampire. (He doesn't even know ahahah.)
Everything was fine until that night. I was in the kitchen reading your letter. But then, as I entered in the bedroom, I saw Jay laying in bed, with his neck exposed. I don't know how it happened, but next thing I knew I was kneeling in front of him, canines out. I literally was out of control.
At the last moment I stopped myself and rushed back to my bed.
No one knows, of course, but it profoundly upset me, and you're the only one I can open up to.
I don't want to hurt him. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.
I spent the following two weeks avoiding him. I have never been so depressed in my life..
The worst was that I could never show it. I had to fake being happy and cheerful during the day.
At night I'd unsuccessfully try letting some of it go by secretly dancing in our practice room.
Yesterday, Jay finished shooting his scenes first, so he was waiting for us.
Sunoo and I finished next and Sunoo suggested for us to wait with Jay. I obviously accepted, it was a perfect opportunity to be close to Jay without taking too much risk.
As we waited, Sunoo was watching the other members shooting their scenes, and he was so into it that he was unconsciously humming the song.
Now's the thing : the song's called Let Me In, and it talks about how we want to discover our loved one, enter their world. It's a total love song, but at the same time, there's this notion of entering new worlds (which is part of our concept, remember?)
The post chorus goes like: "I'll give you my lo-lo-lo-love, I'll give you my love. I'll give you my blo-blo-blo-blood, I'll give you my blood. I'll be your boyfriend"
So Sunoo was humming the melody, and Jay softly sang his line, which is (you probably guessed it) the blood one.
I couldn't handle him singing about his blood, and as we stared at each other, I finished the post chorus, saying "I'll be your boyfriend".
That was really intense.. But the members were done at that time, so we went to the bus. I managed to sit next to Jay, and I laid my head against his shoulder. He even padded my knee (I literally died there).

Back to home, we ate, watched a movie and I decided to enjoy the moment, so I snuggled with Jay during the movie. He seemed happy for us to be close again.
I have to admit I felt some looks over us, but it had been two weeks, so I didn't even bother checking.
That night Jay had left a little message for me. He was worried and wanted to know what happened. He finished the message asking me to let him in (it was so cute of him, I melted).
I wrote a short answer and hid it close to his pillow (did I stay there a few minutes just watching him peacefully sleep? Maybe).

The next day, I knew he wanted to talk more about us, but our day was so busy we didn't manage to be alone. And as it was the last day of shooting Let Me In, the members wanted to celebrate with a game night. Which obviously was cool, but I wanted it to end early.
At some point they were all tired and went to sleep. Sunoo and Niki continued whispering for a while, but then Jake asked them to sleep (thank you Jake).
I waited a bit more and got up. As I was in the kitchen, Jay came too.

There I was, standing in front of him, just the two of us.
He asked if it was okay for us to talk, and obviously I said yes.

He closed the door and I was really scared. I wanted to tell him everything. Like I wanted to confess that I'm a vampire and all. Of course I didn't, you can calm yourself.
In the end I explained that I needed a bit of time for myself, but that I was okay. I said that the reason was a secret that I wanted to share, but couldn't. As I said that, he hugged me.
So you remember me telling you I didn't know why I was living some decades ago? Well, in that moment I understood. My whole life lead me to that moment, to him. I felt like home in his arms.
He sat beside me and he told me he liked me. After this and everything I was feeling, it was just the perfect moment to tell him I liked him too.
Then he kissed me, in the most tender and amorous way. Our embrace lasted a bit, but we then went back to the bedroom.
I could have spent the whole night with him, but he needed to rest (they really sleep a lot you know?).
I accompanied him to his bed and we wished each other good night by poking our cheeks. I stood up to go to my own bed but couldn't make it. I just kneeled back and kissed him a bit more. It was more discreet, as we were surrounded by the other members, but it felt nice to kiss in a "dangerous situation" if you know what I mean.
This time I really went to my bed and waited for him to fall asleep, so that I could write to you.

I know, I know, it's crazy. I know I shouldn't have done that. But now it's too late and I have to assume the consequences.
At least we were discreet I think. There are a lot of friendships in our group, so Jay and I easily pass as just friends I think.

So that's it, you know about all the last events here. How are you doing? What have you been doing in the Shadows?

Love, Won

P. S. Please don't be too mad at me.. I tried my best