Ahsoka Oneshots

Serotonin

Art above by: auri3 on tumblr

- Post Order 66, Ahsoka wants to go back. Inspiration taken by Serotonin by girl in red

The rain was misting the neighborhood. Flowing lightly off of the tiled roofs and gathering in the low parts of the road. The colorful tapestries hanging in the square getting heavy. The water feeding the shrubbery and cleansing the soil. Washing away the sun's damage. If only it would clear away her pain.

Ahsoka was on some nowhere moon living in a force forsaken town, away from the life she wrongly hoped for getting back. A life that is now a shattered memory. Leaving broken people.

And a lost teen.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, but forgot how. It wouldn't come out. Ahsoka wants to punch something. Mainly herself. Because this is her fault. Somehow, everything went down the gutter. Because of her actions.

Getting run over by a speeder seems fun.

Stabilize, she needs to stabilize. Balance whatever chemical reaction is drowning her. But how? There is nothing to grab onto. There is no depth to the dread Ahsoka's feeling. Even in the corners of her mind, the darkness that encompasses the galaxy is there. Adding to the unknown that is inside. She is terrified of what's inside.

She doesn't want to drown. She wants to stand up, do something useful. But every time that Ahsoka tries to solve something. She goes right back to the beginning...

,,Rex?"

He dropped his helmet...

,,Rex! What's happening?"

,,Stay back!"

Why is he crying, other troopers, behind, surrounded, threat, vod, help vod, what is going on, cold, darkness, warning, BLASTER...

Graves...

Maybe she should cut her hands off, maybe it will cut off the intrusive thoughts. She doesn't deserve to use the force. It feels like the force hates her. After all, whatever on Mortis is in charge of the universe did not want her to be a Jedi. But even if it hates her. ,,Please," Ahsoka begs her mind, ,,Don't let me fall."

Ahsoka try's to imagine a field. The light radiating off of the greenery. Surrounded by her vod, her brothers in arms, and her master. Camping under the sky. Away from the congested Cori streets, and into the free rolling planes of some other planet light years away. Imagining what it could have been, what it has, it might not work. But Ahsoka will take the 'maybe.'

Seems like she is breaking daily, little by little. Because only Ahsoka can save herself. But she can't.

"No," She whispers to herself, as a tear falls down.

"Stop crying like a weak, kriffin' baby!"

Ahsoka yells to the rain that is misting the sorry earth. The balance she had before she went back is gone. Has been gone. But now she can't get it back. Can't get anything back.

Can't get her family back.

She wishes she couldn't hear her sobs. Ahsoka doesn't was to hurt somebody she loves, more than she already had.

But does the pain ever really stop?

As soon as she gets control she loses it. Ahsoka is just so incredibly impulsive. ,,I'm going to end up doing something stupid," She reasons.

,,Oh, it get so draining," She thinks. Ahsoka's is failing but she doesn't know what part of her is causing it. It is just this darkness that is with here. She is contemplating if it is following her.

But her inner voice is telling her to push down her feelings, as the Jedi do. Ahsoka tries to brush it off.

"Brush it off..."

Deeper into what is inside. What is inside?

There is no depth to these feelings...

Dig deep, can't hide...

From the corners of my mind...

I'm terrified of what's inside...

Ahsoka breaths, and listens to the rain.

Words: 631