sinners and saints

a watermelon and a piece of shit.

"how could you do this when i learned my rights from you?"

"i- don't-" once again, takemichi was trying to convince pah not to fight. "stay outta this." you wanted to fight. no, maybe you wanted to kill. why? why would they look at you like that? you weren't a human to them. just some "tight chick". you were nothing but something they could stick their dicks into. you were nothing more than this body. oh, how you hated this body. you had to get out of it. you couldn't stay here, you had to get back. back to being an adult. then, maybe you could go back to pretending you were more. more than some body. more than nothing.

but, you weren't, were you?

the noises rang in your ear. the sounds of faces hitting the floor, threats being yelled out. then, there was laughing. so much laughing. what was so funny? it didn't take long for it to stop. the noises. you could hear them, but none of them made sense. they were just there. you were just there. "then from now on, mobius will be affiliated with toman!" that was the sentence that woke you up. draken, it was draken. why? why would he want to be affiliated with them. police sirens started going off. more people were talking, but now all you could think about was what draken had said.

how could he?

"hey assholes! don't just escape on your own! get your asses over here and get osanai out!" ..what? first he was alright with being associated with them, and now he's just going to let them get away? you raised your head, but everything was blurry. people were yelling at pah, you could make out the figure of osanai lying on the floor. was that a knife? oh. pah stabbed him. "pah, come on! we have to go!" there wasn't a response for a while. "sorry, mikey. i'm turning myself in. draken ran, grabbing both you and mikey and running out. takemichi followed along, you could hear mikey's pleas for pah. your legs were moving. that's right, you were running.

part of you couldn't remember what you were running from.
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you woke up in takemichi's room. he was sitting on the floor, working on some puzzle. it was only about a minute later when his friends barged in, carrying a bag of something. there was one with glasses pushed up, he was the first to say anything. "man, we come all this way to check on you, and you aren't even hur- wha- a- there's a girl on your bed!" that made you sit up, still trying to process everything that had happened. "oh, she's the girl who called out kiyomasa! you said she was your cousin, right?" the purple haired one, atsushi if you remembered correctly, slightly waved at you.

you figured it was best to block them out, instead standing up to go get something to drink. you heard them talking about draken and mikey, and something about that pissed you off. maybe you shouldn't be, but you were so damn mad at them. why were they upset? osanai deserved to be stabbed. why were they just going to let mobius go? why would they ever be okay with being associated with them. "yo, n/n? your cups overflowing." you jumped, realizing you had spilled water all over the place. you realized that draken was the one who had spoken. the thought of yelling at him to leave crossed your mind, but it didn't matter now.

you just mumbled a quick 'oh' before grabbing a towel. "how are you feeling, though? you seemed pretty shaken up at the-" you cut him off. everytime you heard his voice, you were reminded of what he said. "fine. i'm fine. takemichi's in his room." he was going to ask what was up, but he figured now wasn't the time to do so. he walked up and grabbed a knife, causing you to send him a weird look. "i brought a watermelon. do you want a piece?" you shook your head, slightly relieved he wasn't going to stab you or something. you settled on sitting on the couch and watching tv, you didn't feel like going home.

you doubted you could handle being alone right now.

after a couple minutes, you heard a bang coming from your cousin's room. you ignored it, it'd probably be fine. you had turned to see both takemichi and draken walking down the stairs. well, draken was walking, takemichi seemed desperate to catch up with him. after they went outside, you could hear people arguing. again, you just ignored it. well, you ignored it until it turned into loud shouts and the bangs of things being thrown around. okay, it seemed like the best idea to see what the hell was going on. as you stepped outside, you were met with draken and mikey throwing a bunch of shit at eachother, and takemichi desperately begging them to stop throwing stuff. you felt your breath hitch, you were on the verge of hyperventilating.

you couldn't help yourself. "fucking stop!" you yelled, fists clenched by your sides, while all while you were holding back tears. "are your heads that far up your asses?!" they were too surprised to be mad. "first, you say that mobius can just be associated with toman! you were even going to let osanai go!" mikey quickly lifted his finger, pointing it at draken. "that was him!" before they could start arguing again, you went back to yelling. "don't act like you weren't part of it! you didn't do jackshit to try and stop him! you knew what those bastards did too! they fucking raped someone, all over some petty dispute! do you have any clue what thay fucking does to someone?!"

your throat was starting to hurt. "you get so focused on the fact that all they saw when they looked at you was some fuck-toy. then you're too worried that other people will think of you like that. you can't even leave your house. you'll spend every day showing, scratching at your skin to desperately get rid of the feeling of their hands on you." you were crying now. "everyone will try to tell you it's your fault. they'll ask what you were wearing, or why you didn't fight back. that... that girl was in a coma... you saw, you went to the hospital and saw her. you saw her parents, saw the state they were in. yet you still had the fucking audacity to act like osanai deserved to live?"

"you don't.. you don't care, do you? you don't care how many people you'll hurt by tearing toman apart. you don't care about what osanai would've done if pah had let him get away. you don't care. you never fucking cared, did you?" you let out a shakey breath, no one really knew what to say. draken sighed, placing a hand on his forehead. "listen, f/n, i'm sorry, okay? you're right, i wasn't thinking, and i wasn't trying to hurt you." it made sense now, why you had been so out of it at the warehouse. "we wouldn't have let them hurt anyone else, you know that, right? you really are safe with us, i'm sorry we didn't make that clear."

you wiped your face, sighing. mikey approached you, kneeling next to you. he just kind of looked at you for a while, before bringing a finger up to flick your forehead. "don't burst into tears like that again, okay? you look weird when you cry." you were going to say something back, until you saw takemichi rummaging through the trash. "um, takemichi? what are you doing there, buddy?" he popped up placing his hands on his hips like a little kid. i'm trying to see if i can get my baseball bat, maybe i can get it back together." staring at him for a while, you smiled.

"you've got dog shit on your head, 'michi."

a/n : hi again ! last chapter i wrote abt how that f/n has problems similar to those cause by bpd , which i once again showed in this chapter . a lot of the fight was super foggy if you couldn't tell , which is disassociation ! that's another thing i experience , especially when your emotions r even more extreme than usual !!