sinners and saints

a teddy bear and a letter.

"the truth is worse than anything i could bring myself to do, to you."

"hah, i get you're upset or what ever, but you have no damn right to take it out on me." he laughed and rolled his eyes. "what, do you think i can't get mad at you or something? i'm so incredibly sorry that i hurt your precious little feelings. why are you acting like mobius did jackshit to you? so osanai made a couple comments. get over it." you blinked at him, you never expected him to act this way. it was hard to decide if you wanted to punch him or yourself. "ah. i didn't realize you thought of me that way. you really don't care, do you? hah, you really had me fooled, huh. so after i got out of the hospital, that was just bullshit, wasn't it? you were just upset. you just think i'm some pathetic ass who wears their heart on their sleeve. fine, if everything you want to say is bullshit, then that little 'promise' was too, so why the hell should i have to keep it?."

his eyes widened, he snapped back to his senses and realized what he said. "wait- i didn't, i'm sorry. i wasn't thinking, i just-" he grabbed your wrist, not wanting to let you walk away. "please, just let me apologize properly." you ripped your wrist away from him, you couldn't do this. "i'll hear you at tomorrow or something. i'm not doing this tonight. get some sleep, mikey. i think you need it."
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"emmmmma! you gotta help me! i need n/n to forgive me!" mikey was a fifteen year old boy, yet here he was clinging to his sister's leg. "i don't even know how to help you, mikey. you really fucked up this time. you know damn well f/n didn't deserve that." he sighed, of course he knew that. "hey, mikey, if you answer a question for me, i'll help you win f/n over!" his face lit up as he hopped to his feet, smiling. "deal!" emma put a finger to her chin, thinking. then she smirked, and mikey did not like the look she was giving him. "you gotta thing for her don't you?" mikey's mouth fell agape, staring at his sister. "i.. probably only like the way she's treating me. she's trying to get to know me, and that scares me. i've already hurt her. even if i did, i couldn't confess to her. i just couldn't do that to her. but.. i can't help but feel like even if she saw all of me, she'd still care about me."

he didn't wanna act this way in front of emma. or anyone, for that matter. emma sighed, it wasn't surprising to see mikey acting like this. "jeez, are you stupid? you need her, mikey. she cares about you so much, can't you see that? don't lose that just cause you're scared or whatever. now c'mon, i think i have an idea."
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it was a long day. you didn't get any sleep, you were too busy thinking about the whole dispute between you and mikey. you knew you wouldn't have the heart to actually leave him, you only said that cause you were mad. you honestly just wanted to go home, school was too tiring. you opened your locker, only to see a teddy bear and a letter in front of your locker. ah, fun. you could tell it was mikey from the hand writing. you shoves both of them in your bag, wanting to get home as soon as possible. but, as soon as you got home, you opened the letter.

"dear n/n,

i'm really sorry for what i said. you were right, i only went off on you because i was upset, and you didn't deserve that. and i swear, i meant everything i said! i really do care about you, and i don't think you're pathetic. i really like you, you're one of my best friends, and i can prove it! i'm gonna tell you a bunch of the things i like about you! i like how whenever i say your name, you respond with 'hi, mikey.' instead of asking what i needed. i like how you put your thumb in your mouth when you're thinking. i like when you smile, it's always so warming, if that makes sense. i like your weird fear of eating in front of other people, it's cute. i like how you shake your arms around when you're excited, like the time you realized the vitamins you were supposed to take were animal shaped.  i like the way you rock side to side when you hear a song you like. i like your weird obsession with socks. i like how you make me feel. i always feel like i need to protect myself, like i'm all on my own, but you make me feel safe. i like the way that you always flick my nose instead of my forehead. i like how you go all out when you're giving people gifts, just cause you want them to smile. i like how you always stop to smell the candles in stores, even though you always complain about your headache afterwards. i like how you can stand your ground, it's always nice to watch you tell people how pathetic they are. i like how good you are. you have such a good heart, it's almost scary to me how good you are. even when i know you don't want to be, you push through. well, most of the time. i like your obsession with rings and necklaces, i swear you have new jewelry everyday. i like how you always tap your shoes whenever you're listening to music. i like how when you're in a good mood you always have a pop in your walk. i like how whenever you have work, it's always covered in doodles. i like how you always sleep with a stuffed animal, even though you'd totally never admit that. i like how you use your nickname when you write your signature instead of your actual name. i like how shakey your hands are. i know you hate it, but i really do think it's adorable. i like how you swing your legs when you sit. have i proved my point yet? if i haven't, i'll send you a letter with even more. but, i mean it when i say i care about you, so please believe me. in all honesty, i considered not doing this. not because i didn't want you in my life, but because i know i don't deserve you. maybe i'm selfish, i'm so afraid of hurting you. please let me stay in your warmth a little longer.

i really do love you, n/n. and i really am sorry."

ah, damnit. how could you deny that? you really had a soft spot for mikey, and you hated that. you hated the way he made you feel.

maybe mitsuya was right.

a/n-  just in case you were curious , mikey's letter was five hundred and thirty two words long :)