Being Eve Summers

Chapter-6

Nature has an immensely calming effect on us. Why is nature so selfless? Is it good to lose yourself in loving others the way nature does?

I wondered as the cool droplets hit me, leaning closer to the rails to peek at the ground. It seemed deserted as rain continued its onslaught on the few students who couldn't reach a shelter soon. This was undoubtedly the best weather with the soothing music and steaming hot coffee. The stars twinkled knowingly, staring at us with a wry smile.

As a kid, whenever I felt overwhelmed and unsure, I would stand on the balcony gazing at the stars. Beckoning them to tell me the answers that I sought. Today wasn't an exception. The only difference was the fact that I knew the answers I sought. I knew what Nani and Nana would say if they were here. They would tell me to be a big girl and face my fears. They would hug me tight, letting me voice all the fears and inhibitions, answering each with ease. Now, I needed to do that on my own.

Ever since the first practice three days ago, I felt a strange mixture of emotions. Everyone seemed to be so understanding and accepting, encouraging and friendly that guilt weighed down on me. How would I tell them I couldn't be the lead singer? That I couldn't face the fear I had since I was a high school student. I fear they would be disappointed in me for not having the strength and courage to be the lead singer.

And then there was my heart. I knew it yearned to sing and play the guitar as fearlessly as it once used to. But...

I felt that same overwhelming fear gaining control, my hands growing clammy as my heart beat rapidly. A tear slowly slid down my cheek.

When you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. Nani's soft voice rang in my ears. I let out a sob before falling on the floor with a thud. Why was everything happening so fast? Just a week ago, everything had been normal. Suddenly I was in a situation where I had to acknowledge my fears, face them or run away.

Eve, you're pathetic. Such an attention seeker. Did you know her stinky lunch box pissed off the teacher?! Her face is as stinky as the food that she eats.

Eve, you need to grow a thick skin!

That bull has no shame for looking like an oversized potato sack. Don't you think that bull's voice sounds like a dying whale?!

My thoughts became a puddle of an indecipherable string of words as I sat there, hugging myself close. I desperately wanted the comforting hug of Mom or that reassuring smile that Nana always gave whenever I was sad. I needed someone to tell me I wasn't weak.

If you can't face your fears, aren't you weak?

I took a deep breath, telling myself to be strong. Wasn't that what we all did? Telling ourselves it was all okay to escape consequences or prepare ourselves to face the fear in the namesake. I did the same, giving myself a false sense of being strong. I needed to stay strong to support Mom, Dad, and Addy. Wiping the couple of tears that had leaked out of my eyes, I stood up, staring at the night sky. My problems seemed so unimportant, so transient in this vast universe. I could find a solution.

With that determination, I walked back into the dorm room. I felt that sob building up, threatening to tear me up again. Taking a deep breath, I looked around and a sigh escaped my lips as I realized Addy hadn't returned from her volunteer work yet. I picked up my phone from the bedside table, looking at my reflection in the mirror opposite it. My reddened eyes resembled the rest of my face, with strands of hair going awry.

A notification lit up the screen of my phone.

Professor Shashi wants us to practice today. Anyone free right now? Sent by Noah at 6:45 p.m.

This professor seemed like a pain from the way he had stalled the band practice on Friday because he had some extra work and he couldn't come that day. And now, on a freaking Saturday, he wanted everyone to come and practice. They weren't his slaves.