Freefall ✓

41 | dream

I want to be with you. It's as simple, and as complicated as that.

—charles bukowski 

▬▬▬ ♫ : ▬▬▬

A Million Dreams - The Greatest Showman

Birds - Imagine Dragons

▬▬▬ ✦ ▬▬▬

AUDREY

Having provided nothing but terse, sketchy texts in response to my boyfriend's understandable concerns for the whole of last weekend, I was feeling veritably abhorrent.

When throughout the whole of the school day on Monday we didn't so much as cross paths, I knew this had reached its limit. I had to stop procrastinating like a wimp and act. 

I couldn't allow myself to fall back into my old patterns of overthinking. They had caused enough harm already. 

Treading down the windy street, I got my phone out, hoping he wasn't too mad at me just yet and not everything was lost. My fingers hovered over the keypad tensely.

me: hi

me: cam, i'm sorry

me: i'm headed towards the bookshop rn. my shift starts in 15 mins.

me: could we meet up there... to talk? 

me: please

I bit my nails, waiting for his answer. The weather got more and more blustery with each step I took, and I was lucky to have had the good sense to tie my hair back. Otherwise, it would be blowing wildly all around my face right now, and not in that sensual Pantene commercial style—that I can tell you for sure.

cam: ok

cam: be there in 10

I inhaled a large gulp of air and let it all out in one hefty breath. The door to Rivera Books was locked, so I was left to just stand leaning against it, waiting for either Dominic with the keys, or my death. Whichever came first. 

I drummed an impatient rhythm against the windowsill. Harsh wind showered through the maple leaves in forceful gusts, which swished sibilantly in turn.

Too preoccupied with my nonsensical restlessness, I didn't even notice Cameron arrive until we were face to face.

His expression was expectant. "Hey," I softened the word with an unconfident smile.

"Hey," he returned it back.

"Okay, so. . .look. I'm sorry for practically ignoring you yesterday. And the day before," I hauled my gaze up to his. 

"But what happened?" I realized then that I had underestimated him. He wasn't going to be mad at me—no. He was better than that. He just wanted to clear this muddle up as soon as possible, and move on. Like the mature person of the relationship. 

"Uh. . . I'm just gonna lay it all right out, okay?" I drew in a breath. "So, you know how terribly nosy I can be, right? Well, basically,"— I braced myself mentally to finally drop it— "when I was at your place this Friday, I happened to see a. . .an Application Guide for the Oxford University, and so I freaked out a little cause that lead me to assume what I feared most and I know I should've just asked you straight off but I kept procrastinating because I was afraid of what you might answer and—"