The Teacher [ON HIATUS]

19. Thomas actually gets stuff done?

A/N: funny story... this chapter came out on AO3 two months ago and ig i just didn't press the publish button here

oops

Thomas stared at the reflection of himself in the foggy mirror. The bathroom was hot with steam from his hot shower just a few minutes before. The past month had changed the perspective of himself so many times and in so many different ways. It was almost embarrassing.

Thomas was in his early thirties. By now, most people would have their lives on track. Settled down and planned out life, decent jobs. And he was a mess.

Thomas thought he had his life planned out, but he couldn't even keep his emotions in check. He could go from being fine, being proud to being insecure and scared in just a few moments. He was weak.

The only noise in the bathroom was the low hum of the air fan and excess water dripping from the showerhead. It was oddly calming. His mind stopped racing for just a moment. He couldn't tell what was right and wrong anymore. Moral beliefs he had been taught since before he could talk were being contradicted. Of course, those beliefs had massively changed before, but for some reason, it was different when it was about himself.

Deep breath in... and out.

It's okay, right?

Yeah, yeah, of course it was. He knew that.

But...

Thomas shook his head.

Even with his family's fucked up morals, connection was important. It was pretty impressive. Everyone in his family- except for Thomas, of course- were really close. They were all expecting him to appear soon and he was running out of excuses.

The Jefferson family was suffocating. There were so many of them, too. You would think it wouldn't be hard to disappear in such a large family. It really isn't. Not if you're not on their radar, anyway. The second he were to show up, all eyes would be on him. He was the problem child. He was their disappointment.

The bathroom wasn't hot anymore. Thomas sighed, exiting the room. He took a shower to clear his head. He didn't need this. Not now.

Thomas slipped on his suit and gathered the stray papers on the dining table into his leather briefcase. It felt great settling back down into the old schedule had for himself. Less rushing to be on time in the mornings. It was easier to focus too.

Thomas took a sip of coffee from his thermos before heading into the brick building.

"Thomas!" Lafayette.

He turned towards the voice, somehow choking on the hot liquid in his throat.

The Frenchman snorted, coming to his side. "Woah, are you alright?"

"Yup," he choked, tears brimming in his eyes and doubling over. "Just-" cough. "Just fine."

"Hasn't this happened already?" Lafayette laughed, patting his friend on the back.

"At least seven times, by my count." Thomas stood up a bit straighter. "You know you're a dick, right?"

Lafayette shrugged, walking past him and into his office with a slight chuckle. Thomas considered doing something slightly violent but they were in a public place. That would be very unnecessary.

Thomas settled into his office. He took his jacket off and set the briefcase on the floor. His laptop was placed on the desk and he leaned back in his chair as he opened it. For a moment, all he did was stare at the screen. His mind was racing, though at the same time, very empty and blank. Maybe he was just short-circuiting. Isn't that what computers did? Technically, humans are computers...

Maybe he just needed to turn himself on and off.

Every time he tried to focus on the information he somehow managed to pull up, the words would blur and he had to blink. It was frustrating. The last thing he needed right now was to fall behind.

Thomas took a short break to get his brain to turn off. He sipped on his hot coffee in the meantime. It burnt his tongue slightly. The numbing sensation was good. It was hot, not warm, and certainly not cold.

He turned back to face the laptop. Slowly, words started making the slightest bit of sense again. They were still waiting for news on Alexander's court date (jesus christ). Lafayette was working on that- thank god. Thomas knew he didn't have the patience to deal with that right now.

-

Thomas smiled and waved to Lafayette and Hercules on the way to his car. He heard muffled, high-pitched laughing from their kids. It was an unlikely combination- at least to him. Lafayette was always the flamboyant, outgoing one. Hercules was more reserved and quiet. Though, if there was someone who could tolerate being around the Frenchman twenty-four-seven, it would be someone like Hercules. And they work well together. They're cute.

Being alone was something Thomas was perfectly fine with. His first relationship had gone pretty bad, and after that, relationships weren't something he was focused on. His life was exciting enough for him. (Being in a courtroom really gets your heart pumping.) And maybe that sounded like the saddest fucking shit ever, but it was true. Even if he managed to get a date, it probably wouldn't last.

Socializing with people takes so much effort. That's an effort Thomas didn't have. And anyway, he enjoyed being alone. He enjoyed his time to himself, but sometimes he wished he had someone other than James or work friends to share things with. Because when he's so sick of everything, he just wanted who would be there for him no questions asked. All of his friends had lives and families of their own. He couldn't be selfish anymore because they had their own priorities. He wanted the kind of invisible connection you couldn't get from a friend.

He knew he wasn't ready for any of it.

He wanted to eat his foot because holy shit that's a lot to think about on an hour lunch break.

So as Thomas ate, he did everything he can to not think about that mess. He started thinking about his other cases. He thought about the things he'll hopefully (better be able to do I'm not looking at getting fired anytime soon) be able to do once he gets back into the office.

Definitely didn't cross his mind how it might feel having someone (Alexander) sitting across from him.

He was fucked.

A/N: love y'all so much, take care of yourselves, you matter <333