The Teacher [ON HIATUS]

10. Alexander, calm the fuck down.

Updates will be every few days <3

TW: Anxiety attack

It hadn't been a long day, not even close. It was barely noon and Thomas still hadn't done anything. He had just laid down in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking. Thomas hated thinking. He hated thinking for the same reason he hated being bored. When a person was bored, the only thing they could do was think. A person only really thought when they were bored, and what did they think about? They thought about life. Just thinking and thinking and thinking, and boom! The next thing they know, they're in tears.

When Thomas woke up, the first thing he always did was mentally look over his schedule. He cursed when he realized it was empty with the exception of the meeting with Alexander. Free time meant boredom and boredom meant thinking. Thinking meant tears. Tears meant sobbing until 3 am because the person was thinking about how their family wouldn't accept them for being gay and they've been trying to convince themselves that they're not. That this was all just a pathetic scheme for attention because they were always the dramatic, high-maintenance, and attention-seeking child.

At least the sleep was good.

So that's what Thomas did. He thought and thought and thought until he was sobbing again. Repeating the same cycle. The same cycle he would follow until he died. After a few hours, he fell fast asleep.

Sleeping was nice. People couldn't be sad if they were asleep. People couldn't think if they were asleep. You could pass time by sleeping. Sleeping was the only good part of Thomas' day.

-

Thomas woke up to the loud knocking on his front door. He groaned and sat up, starting to stretch. He placed his glasses on his face. No one was supposed to be here... at least from what he remembered. Who would be-

"Oh god, finally! I was-"

Thomas slammed the door shut.

Right, Alexander and I were supposed to talk about the case...

The knocking resumed again, followed by Alexander's loud shouting.

He had a meeting and he forgot. He had a meeting and he slept in. He had a meeting and he was only in his underwear. He had a meeting and his apartment was a mess. He had a meeting and he was a mess.

Wow, today has been an incredible day, Thomas.

"Hang on a moment!" Thomas yelled at Alexander.

He dug out some sweatpants and an old t-shirt from his laundry pile and slipped them on. The table was already set up with his papers and laptop thanks to his laziness so, after clothes, all he did was start brewing a pot of coffee.

Alexander scoffed when Thomas opened the door again. He shoved past the taller man and plopped himself onto one of the dining chairs.

"I, erm, there's coffee on the counter if you want," Thomas said quietly. "Cups are in the left cabinet, sugar's by the coffee and milk and creamer's in the fridge."

"No thank you. I'm actually trying to get rid of my caffeine addiction so mini purple Gatorades it is."

"Mr. Hamilton, I apologize for the wait, I know your time is valuable."

"Can we just start?"

Thomas nodded, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm sorry." He sat down and powered up his laptop. "So, what happened? Shit, sorry that was a stupid question..." Thomas sighed. "Can-can you excuse me for a moment? I-I need to use the bathroom."

Alexander huffed. "Fine."

Thomas' limbs trembled as he made his way into the bathroom. His breathing became shallower with every step and everything just felt like too much. He could feel and hear every beat of his heart getting faster and faster. Everything was spinning and his head was pounding and pounding.

The toilet seat was cold, but at least it felt real. At least it was the one thing keeping him somewhat in touch with reality. Why was he even this stressed? Nothing happened. Thomas let out coughy gasps, trying to stop hyperventilating. His hand made its way over to his head in a fist and started smacking.

Just fucking breathe. It's not even that hard.

Breathe. He just needed to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe? Why was he having such a big reaction to nothing? So he slept in late. And? What was his problem here?

"Hey, asshole."

Thomas covered up his mouth with his hand, careful not to make a sound.

"What's taking you so long? You've been in there for almost ten minutes now."

Silence.

"Jefferson, I'm on a fucking schedule. Could you be a little more considerate of my time?" Alexander groaned. "Fuck it. I'm coming in."

Thomas' eyes widened. Alexander couldn't see him like this. He was a lawyer. He was supposed to be strong. Only girls cried. He couldn't be seen as weak as this. He wasn't feminine. His suit was a perfectly normal color. He was normal.

The door slammed open and Alexander scanned the room for Thomas. He was found in the corner next to the toilet with his legs hugged to his chest and tears streaming down his face.

Alexander mouthed an 'oh' and sat down cross-legged in front of Thomas. "Can you breathe?"

Thomas was shocked by his sincere tone. Where was the yelling? He shook his head slightly to answer without hurting his head.

Alexander outstretched one of his hands. "Can I touch you?" Thomas nodded and Alexander took his hand. "Okay, I want you to close your eyes and focus on my voice and your breathing. We're going to breathe in for four, hold for four, and exhale for four. Ready?" Alexander took a deep breath. "Two, three, four. And hold. Two, three, four. And exhale. Two, three, four." They repeated the exercises until Thomas was okay. He thanked him but otherwise refused to meet his gaze. "Do you want a hug?"

Thomas shifted farther away from him.

Alexander sighed. "Do you know what triggered your attack?"

Thomas didn't answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Again, Thomas didn't speak.

"God, you're so frustrating," Alexander muttered, startling the other man. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean th-"

Thomas sat up. "Let's just work on the case." His voice was slightly cracked because of the lack of moisture in his throat and his breaths still paused for brief moments but Alexander could still take him very seriously. Thomas just wanted to ignore what had happened and move on. He wanted to appear confident and feel confident. He needed to.

ily <3