Break up with your boyfriend

Chapter seventeen: do we have an understanding, Adam?

Notes: welcome to the storm my friends, it's only downhill from here.

also slight trigger warning towards the end of the chapter, you can check out the note at the end of the chapter real quick if you're easily triggered!

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"Babe, are you listening to me?"

Zayn startles out of his daze following the question before glancing over at where his boyfriend was currently seated across from him at the small table. He offers up a sheepish smile, shaking his head. "Sorry, I'm just a little distracted." He mumbles and Adam rewards him with a frown. "Yeah, I can see that," the boy agrees and there's a momentary pause before he adds on. "You've been distracted a lot lately, is there something on your mind you want to talk about?"

There's a spark of desperation in his brown eyes, Zayn notes, something pleading for honesty.

And although guilt churns tight in his gut, Zayn ignores it all the same.

"It's not important." He denies, wanting to be off the topic as soon as possible. He settles for buying himself a few extra seconds of time by picking up his cup of iced coffee and sipping from it. Adam doesn't look convinced at his words, eyebrows drawn together and jaw clenching in frustration. He's frustrated by the dismissal, it's clear and written right across his face.

"I really wish you'd just talk and be honest with me, because right now Zayn, it feels like we're on two different pages—like we're feeling two different things for each other and I'm the only one trying to set the record straight." Adam begins again, biting his bottom lip and glaring down at the tabletop as if it were the one to blame in all of this.

"You've become so distant lately, you're constantly shutting me out, when we're together you get stuck in your head like you're not really with me at all and—and I—I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix us." Adam concludes, his tone riddled with agitation when he looks back up. Zayn isn't sure how to approach the statement because all of it was true. He had been distant, he had taken to shutting Adam out lately and even now he could hardly keep his attention focused on the other boy.

It's not fair to him, Zayn knows it's not, but he can't give Adam the answers he's looking for.

Not now, not just yet.

He still isn't sure how to say the words without all of this blowing up in his face.

He just needed more time.

And so instead he shakes his head and smiles, sweet and hesitantly, before reaching his hand across the table to grab Adam's. "Hey, there's nothing to fix between us, alright?" He assures giving the hand a gentle squeeze. His eyes linger over his boyfriend's face for a long moment, gentle and as reassuring as he can manage before he has to force them closed when the guilt comes back in droves. He's lying and maybe they both know it. He sighs anyway, a soft breath, dropping his head before spewing yet another lie that will surely eat away at him later when he's alone later tonight with only his thoughts.

"I know I've been kind of off lately but that's got nothing to do with us, alright? I-I've just got a lot on my plate right now, between trying to pick a college and making sure I've got enough scholarship money so that I don't have to rely on my parents. I know it's not fair to you and I'm sorry for that." He responds almost timidly.

When he spares a glance back up at Adam's face, he finds that there is no relieved expression settled amongst the teen's features as he had expected to find.